A dis-tressed damsel. The meshes ladies weave are sometimes labor lost.

friend, who makes you an absolute fright, burning off a curl or two with the tongs; but she being much older than yourself, and of acknowledged judgment, you dare not pull it all to pieces; and if you should, you have neither time nor skill to put it to rights again.

44 AE CURL FRAE MARY'S BONNY LOCKS.”—(Burns !)

63. At a bal-being asked by two or three puppies "why you don't dance?" and asked no more questions, by these, or any other gentlemen, on the subject: on your return home, being pestered with examinations and cross-examinations, whether you danced-with whom you danced-why you did not dance, &c., &c.; the friend with whom you went complaining all the time of being worried to death with solicitations to dance the whole evening.

64. At a long table, after dinner, the eyes of the whole company drawn upon you by a loud observation that you are strikingly like Mrs.or Miss -, particularly when you smile.

65. The only thimble which you ever could get to fit you exactly, rolling off the table unheeded; then, crushed to death in a moment by the splay foot of a servant.

66. After having consumed three years on a piece of crochet work, which has been the wonder of the female world, leaving it, on the very day you have finished it, in the hackney coach in which you were exultingly carrying it to the friend whom you intended to surprise with it as a present; afterwards repeatedly advertising—all in vain.

Part-ies of pleasure well named. The pleasure isn't in the meeting.

67. Receiving the first hint that your thimble has a hole worn through it, from the needle, as it runs, head and shoulders, under the nail.

68. On retiring, after dinner, without a female companion-being requested by one of the party to permit a stupid, gawky boy of about 14 to accompany you; in this distress, you can neither have recourse to books, of which he knows nothing, nor to music, which he declares himself to hate; so that, after having extorted from him how many brothers and sisters he has, what school he goes to, and what are the games now in season, you are condemned to total silence, which is interrupted only by the squeaks of your favorite puppy or kitten, as he amuses himself by pinching and plaguing it during the remainder of the tête-à-tête.

69. At a ball-when you have set your heart on dancing with a particular favorite-at the moment when you delightedly see him advancing towards you, being briskly accosted by a conceited simpleton at your elbow, whom you cannot endure, but who obtains (because you know not in what manner to refuse) "the honor of your hand" for the evening.

70. When you are giving a party, and have just begun to have hopes that it is to be a "successful go," from the spirit of the dancing and the general hum that fills the pauses of the music-to have a few pounds of ceiling shaken down; recalling the old fashions of powdered heads and sanded floors.

"Similia

Ned Tes. How mortar-fied you must all be! similibus curantur;" but no plaster could heal the wound in your entertainment.

Tes. For me, you might make one misery of the whole race of meetings that now go under the name of parties. The only thing tolerable I ever find about them is, the little whist table that sometimes collects in the dressing-room, with no connection with the noisy misery below, except the disturbing roar you can't entirely get rid of.

Ned Tes. In other words, you prefer the private coat-ery to the public bawl.

Compassionable ugliness. (The consequences of the small pox are to be pitted.)

Mrs. Tes. Well, I've come to the end of my list, though I haven't complained of the fate of us elderly ladies, who martyr-ize ourselves to matronize our daughters.

Ned Tes. Wall-flowers should not be allowed to go without a tack.

Tes. However, my dear, you have proved yourself tolerably unhappy for a lady.

Sen. (bowing.) He means, madam, for a lady who has been all her life the admiration of one sex and the envy of the other. If you can show such a list, what should we have to expect from some!

""Tis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true,”

that a little difference in the proportions of a lady's face makes an immense difference in her fate; whereas it ought to make none except as an exponent of character.

Ned Tes. A woman may be subject to having many a slight cast in her teeth, merely from having a slight cast in her eyes.

Sen. A fortune-teller nowadays should look not at the lines of the hand, but at the lines of the face.

Ned Tes. And the lining of the pockets.

Mrs. Tes. I thank you, Mr. Sensitive, for my sex, since we are in a position where we must be grateful for justice; and now, having done my best, you will honorably dismiss me from the service, I suppose.

Tes. With pleasure.

Sen. With pain.

Ned Tes. Scandal says that to be dis-missed is the first object of women's lives.

Sen. And scandal lies. Such sayings as that, I think,

Motes are not defensible in eye-warfare. Beams can overcome them.

must be originated by disappointed suitors. Let man pull the beam from his own eye before he looks for motes in the eyes of the other sex.

Ned Tes. Men can make in this case, with a better grace than usual, the invariable rejoinder (expressed or understood) to that quotation.

Sen. What answer is that, Ned?

Ned Tes. "The motes are in our eyes, and the beams are in the eyes of our opponents."

Miseries miscellaneous. Who shall prescribe when doctors disagree with you?

CHAPTER X.

Miseries miscellaneous. Who shall prescribe when doctors disagree with you?— "Any thing by way of change." More the cry now than ever.-An income to be drawn and a nincom to draw it.-Caricature portraits. (A dagger-o'-type naturally suggests a libel.)—Take Time by his forelock, and he'll retaliate on yours.— Years decline, vanity does not-except that it declines to own up.-If you've tarred your hair, retard thè comb. A de-voted candidate.-Making a spectacle of oneself by borrowing those of a friend. The bookmakers; a great class. "Write away" is an appropriate Americanism.-A clerk's not the man to cut a figure. He knows them all too well.-Mr. Testy takes the rains in his own hands.— A D-serving youth, with a D-sire to please.-The race of beggars. (A hand-i'-cap race.)-Resignation is a virtue-that office-holders are loth to practice.-The TeaMore-tea-fication of the flesh agrees with aldermanic corporations.—The pavior who cobbles half the street and blocks the whole.-We're in the reforming vein. Our efforts are probably in vain too.-Ice calls for slippers as naturally as water does for pumps.—Sick transit: from the odor of flowery buds to that of Bowery floods.--Path-ological researches. Has our work any mission but dismission? Plans. An outline of the forces-a mere shell, having no colonel.—All appears to be dished: or, what's equivalent, be-trayed.-The greatest misery of all for the reader-the end.

room.

Sen. I'll tell you what is a curious sort of a misery, but nevertheless a genuine one, as mankind is constituted.

1. A doctor who persists in telling you that there is nothing the matter with you, instead of giving you medicine suited to the importance you think attaches to your ailments.

Ned Tes. Or one who always reiterates the same word, which would be equally appropriate if the complaint were red hair!

Sen. What word is that, Ned?

Ned Tes. Diet.

2. To see a slight acquaintance approaching at a distance, as you walk along an empty sidewalk, whom you know you must bow to when you meet, and not before.