The binn, proved to be a sell, by the hermit that comes out.

29. A fish-bone, or other substance, stuck between your two hindmost teeth; then, in your endeavors to remove it with a toothpick, only wedging it tighter than ever.

30. In decanting wine-receiving a hint that it is time to stop, from the liquor, as it suddenly gurgles down the sides of the full decanter over your hands and the floor. N. B. The like effects of the like want of caution in the still more terrible instance of filling an inkstand.

31. Triumphantly producing from your cellar the last remaining bottle of some choice old wine, previously announced to your friends as the boast of the binn; but which, when decanted, shows an aspect so desperately cloudy, that no exposure to the fire can prevail upon it to brighten up.

32. On receiving and opening several hampers of precious wine, just arrived from a great distance-finding that the bottles have almost all bled to death, in consequence of quarrelling and fighting by the way.

Tes. So much for the comfort of sitting down to dinner! But there are other meals, you know: so now

"To breakfast, with what appetite we may.”

The less the better, indeed, on the following occasion, with which I will begin :

33. To know, always, what you are to have for breakfast, by remembering what you had for dinner the day before, which your hosts do not take the trouble to hash, but serve a little warmed and much disfigured by wear and tear.

Ned Tes. "Second 'dishin'," as the newsboys would say.

34. On coming down late to a hasty breakfast-finding the last drop of water in your kettle boiling away, the toast in the ashes, and the cat just finishing the cream.

35. Making the hopeless circuit of the herb teas-sage balm rose

A good roll on the carpet-buttered side down.

mary, &c., &c., when the doctor has laid his paw upon your tea-chest; till you are, at last, left completely bankrupt in breakfast

Tes. As for myself, between the mischief to my nerves, if I do drink tea, and to my comfort if I do notNed Tes. You may cry with Martial,

"Nec TEA-cum possum vivere, nec sine TEA.”*

36. After having dealt carelessly with honey at breakfast, being hurried away, without a moment allowed for washing your hands.

Ned Tes.

'Plus aloës quam mellis habet."-Juv.

37. In the depth of winter-trying in vain to effect a union between unsoftened butter, and the crumb of a very stale loaf, or a quite new one.

Sen. I have often wondered that neither the Inquisitors, nor the cannibal savages, when they have been out of tortures, have hit upon either of these.

38. Letting fall (of course on the buttered side) the piece of roll, or muffin, on which you had set your heart.

Ned Tes.

"hæret lateri-lethalis !"-VIRG.

39. As you sit at breakfast—suddenly breaking down the back of your chair, and, in a failing attempt to save yourself in your fall, kicking up the table-with the comfort, however, of preserving the tea-urn, cups, plates, &c., &c.: all of which you deliver safely into the lap of the lady of the house, who sits opposite!

* Nec tecum possum vivere, nec sine te. Neither with thee can I live, nor without thee.-Bos. JOHNS.

sweet.

That savors more of the aloe than of the honey-more bitter than

Contrariness is the won't of things. What's a-curd to sour your temper?

40. Being roused from a reverie at breakfast, by hastily swallowing a dose of very strong tea, in which both the cream and the sugar have been forgotten.

41. Trying often to harpoon a floating pat of butter, which, as often, slips aside, or ducks and shirks under your knife; no effect but that of splashing up the water against your hand:

-"dum te fugeret per flumina, præceps—

Excidet-aut in aquas tenues dilapsus abibit.”—VIRG.

42. A teapot which won't pour except through the top-what you intend for your cup trickling down your fingers into your sleeve, and over the cloth.

43. As you are shaking a muffineer, (ditto a pepper castor at dinner,) the cover springing off-the whole contents instantly following the lively example.

Ned Tes.

"agmine facto,

Quâ data porta ruunt.”—VIRG.

44. Weak, bad, cold, cloudy coffee, with poor milk, and but little of that. Likewise, tea made with smoke, as well as water.

45. On pouring the milk into your tea, to see it rise to the surface in small curds, while the body of the liquid remains transparent.

46. Venturing upon a small egg with a large spoon, and so feeding your chin, your neckcloth, your fingers, and the cloth; every thing, in short-but your mouth!

Ned Tes. This is "ab ovo usque ad mala," with a vengeance!

Tes. But we have had enough of breakfasting. There remains only one meal more; and we have too often "supp'd full with horrors," to doubt that we shall find a few more miseries in that quarter.

Sen. At one of those miserable modern substitutes for the

The cold chairy-teas of the world!

old-fashioned tea-party, where they give every man his own cover to hold,

47. When you are fixed with a cup in one hand, and a plate in the other-to have anything happen; especially an irresistible inclination to sneeze come over you, which you foresee will come to a climax before you can reach the piano or mantelpiece, set down your incumbrance, and get out your handkerchief.

Ned Tes. Lap-tea is only fit for cats and other animals with the same unsatisfactory drinking apparatus.

Tes. Tea is not much of a meal, any way; take it off the tea-table, and it is good for nothing.

Ned Tes. Though, on the contrary, the tea-table becomes eatable when the T is taken off.

Sen. Men's knees you can scarcely call laps.

Ned Tes. They can col-lapse themselves if you try to impose upon them. To balance a teacup is not

Beer miseries-that have nothing to do with the berry-ing that follows.

48. In eating lobster-getting the lady, or half-a-dozen of the dead man's fingers, into your mouth, before you are aware.

49. The repeated slips of a blunt oyster-knife against the palm of your left hand, as you are dislocating your right shoulder with laboring in vain at the wide end of the shell.

Tes. Very provoking, certainly-were it not that some of your oysters pretty often make you amends for the stubbornness of others, by opening of themselves! But, if you are fond of oysters, I'll give you enough of them.

50. Supping upon roasted oysters—with the snatching, and burning, and hissing, and grinning, and cluttering, that go with it-leaving you no comfort but in thinking of the moment when all will be swept away, and the water-glasses brought round.

Sen. The following I forgot to introduce among the delights of a dinner:

51. The purgatorial interval after you have all dined, and before the servants have taken every thing (particularly themselves) away, and finally shut the door.

Ned Tes. "Mixtis servitiis, et dissono clamore."-TAC.

52. Cracking a hard nut with your teeth, and filling the gap left by the grinder you have knocked out, with black bitter dust.

Tes. This is ". worse than worst!"-more than even the demons themselves are able to bear:

"they, instead of fruit,

Chew'd bitter ashes, which th' offended taste

With spatt'ring noise rejected."-MILT.

53. When parched with thirst, opening your last bottle of spruce beer, and finding it so very good, that it first washes your face and hands, and then your walls and furniture, with the whole of its contents..