The Poetical Works of George Crabbe

When in his seat; and still the coat seems How have I lived? I grieve, with all my

He knew not money's power, but judged it best
Safe in his trunk to let his treasure rest;
Yet to a friend complain'd: 'Sad charge, to
keep

So many pounds, and then I cannot sleep: '
Then put it out,' replied the friend :-
What, give

heart,

For my late knowledge in this precious art :—
Five pounds for every hundred will he give?
And then the hundred ?- -I begin to live.'-
So he began, and other means he found,
As he went on, to multiply a pound :
Though blind so long to interest, all allow
That no man better understands it now:
Him in our body-corporate we chose,
And once among us, he above us rose;
Stepping from post to post, he reach'd the
chair,

And there he now reposes-that's the mayor. But 'tis not he, 'tis not the kinder few, The mild, the good, who can our peace renew; A peevish humour swells in every eye, The warm are angry, and the cool are shy; My money up? why then I could not live: 'There is no more the social board at whist, Nay, but for interest place it in his hands, The good old partners are with scorn disWho'll give you mortgage on his house or

lands.'

'Oh but,' said Daniel, that's a dangerous plan;

He may be robb'd like any other man : '
Still he is bound, and you may be at rest,
More safe the money than within your chest ;
And you'll receive, from all deductions clear,
Five pounds for every hundred, every year.'
'What good in that?' quoth Daniel, ' for 'tis
plain,

If part I take, there can but part remain : '
'What! you, my friend, so skill'd in gainful
things,

miss'd;

No more with dog and lantern comes the

maid,

To guide the mistress when the rubber 's play'd;

Sad shifts are made lest ribbons blue and

reen

Should at one table, at one time be seen :
On care and merit none will now rely,
'Tis party sells, what party-friends must
buy:

The warmest burgess wears a bodger's coat,
And fashion gains less int'rest than a vote;
Uncheck'd the vintner still his poison vends,

Have you to learn what interest money For he too votes, and can command his friends.

brings?'

'Not so,' said Daniel, 'perfectly I know, He's the most interest who has most to show.'

But this admitted; be it still agreed, These ill effects from noble cause proceed; Though like some vile excrescences they be, The tree they spring from is a sacred tree,

'True! and he'll show the more, the more he And its true produce, strength and liberty.

lends;

Thus he his weight and consequence extends;
For they who borrow must restore each sum,
And pay for use-What, Daniel, art thou
dumb ? '

Yet if we could th' attendant ills suppress,
If we could make the sum of mischief less;
If we could warm and angry men persuade
No more man's common comforts to invade ;
And that old ease and harmony re-seat

For much amazed was that good man- In all our meetings, so in joy to meet;
• Indeed!'
Much would of glory to the Muse ensue,
Said he with glad❜ning eye,' will money breed? And our good vicar would have less to do.

LETTER VI. PROFESSIONS-LAW

Quid leges sine moribus

Vanae proficiunt?

Would I could duly praise you; that each deed

HORACE, Carm. lib. iii, od. 24. 35, 36. Your foes might honour, and your friends Vae misero mihi! Mea nunc facinora Aperiuntur, clam quae speravi fore.

PLAUT. Trucul. Act iv, Sc. 3, v. 20.

might read:

This too is needless; you've imprinted well
Your powers, and told what I should feebly
tell:

Beside, a Muse like mine, to satire prone,
Would fail in themes where there is praise

alone.

Trades and Professions of every Kind to be found in the Borough-Its Seamen and Soldiers-Law, the Danger of the Subject -Coddrington's Offence-Attorneys increased; their Splendid Appearance, how-Law shall I sing, or what to Law belongs ? supported-Some worthy ExceptionsSpirit of Litigation, how stirred upAlas! there may be danger in such songs; A Boy articled as a Clerk; his IdeasA foolish rhyme, 'tis said, a trifling thing, How this Profession perverts the Judg- The law found treason, for it touch'd the ment-Actions appear through this Medium king. in a false Light Success from honest Application-Archer a worthy Character Swallow a Character of different Kind -His Origin, Progress, Success, &c. 'TRADES and Professions '-these are themes the Muse,

Left

But kings have mercy, in these happy times,
Or surely one had suffer'd for his rhymes;
Our glorious Edwards and our Henrys bold;
So touch'd, had kept the reprobate in hold,
But he escaped,- -nor fear, thank Heav'n,
have I,

to her freedom, would forbear to Who love my king, for such offence to die.
choose;
But I am taught the danger would be much,
If these poor lines should one attorney

But to our Borough they in truth belong,
And we, perforce, must take them in our song.
Be it then known that we can boast of these
In all denominations, ranks, degrees;

All who our numerous wants through life
supply,

Who soothe us sick, attend us when we die,
Or for the dead their various talents try.
Then have we those who live by secret arts,
By hunting fortunes, and by stealing hearts;
Or who by nobler means themselves advance;
Or who subsist by charity and chance.

Say, of our native heroes shall I boast,
Born in our streets, to thunder on our coast,
Our Borough-seamen? Could the timid Muse
More patriot-ardour in their breasts infuse;
Or could she paint their merit or their skill,
She wants not love, alacrity, or will;
But needless all, that ardour is their own,
And for their deeds, themselves have made
them known.

Soldiers in arms! Defenders of our soil! Who from destruction save us; who from spoil

touch

(One of those limbs of law who're always here;
The heads come down to guide them twice a
year.)

I might not swing indeed, but he in sport
Would whip a rhymer on from court to court;
Stop him in each, and make him pay for all
The long proceedings in that dreaded Hall :--
Then let my numbers flow discreetly on,
Warn'd by the fate of luckless Coddrington, *
Lest some attorney (pardon me the name)
Should wound a poor solicitor for fame

One man of law in George the Second's

reign

Was all our frugal fathers would maintain ;
He too was kept for forms; a man of peace,
To frame a contract, or to draw a lease:
He had a clerk, with whom he used to write
All the day long, with whom he drank at

night;

Spare was his visage, moderate his bill,
And he so kind, men doubted of his skill.

Protect the sons of peace, who traffic, or who Mirrour for Magistrates: he suffered in the reign

toil;

*The account of Coddrington occurs in The of Richard III.

Goes blindfold in, and that maintains the Is it agreed then ?-Shall I file a bill?'

rest;

There in his web, th' observant spider lies, And peers about for fat intruding flies ; Doubtful at first, he hears the distant hum, And feels them flutt'ring as they nearer come; They buzz and blink, and doubtfully they tread

On the strong birdlime of the utmost thread;
But when they're once entangled by the gin,
With what an eager clasp he draws them in;
Nor shall they 'scape, till after long delay,
And all that sweetens life is drawn away.
'Nay, this,' you cry, is common-place, the
tale

Of petty tradesmen o'er their evening-ale;
There are who, living by the legal pen,
Are held in honour,-" honourable men.'
Doubtless-there are who hold manorial
courts,

Or whom the trust of powerful friends supports;

Or who, by labouring through a length of time,

Have pick'd their way, unsullied by a crime.
These are the few-in this, in every place,
Fix the litigious rupture-stirring race;
Who to contention as to trade are led,
To whom dispute and strife are bliss and
bread.

The trader, grazier, merchant, priest and all,

Whose sons aspiring, to professions call, Choose from their lads some bold and subtle boy,

And judge him fitted for this grave employ :
Him a keen old practitioner admits,
To write five years and exercise his wits:
The youth has heard-it is in fact his creed-
Mankind dispute, that lawyers may be
fee'd:

Jails, bailiffs, writs, all terms and threats of law,

Grow now familiar as once top and taw;
Rage, hatred, fear, the mind's severer ills,
All bring employment, all augment his bills:
As feels the surgeon for the mangled limb,
The mangled mind is but a job for him;
Thus taught to think, these legal reasoners
draw

Morals and maxims from their views of law; They cease to judge by precepts taught in schools,

By man's plain sense, or by religious rules; No! nor by law itself, in truth discern'd, But as its statutes may be warp'd and turn'd: How should they judge of man, his word and deed,

They in their books and not their bosoms read :

There is a doubtful pauper, and we think 'Tis not with us to give him meat and Of some good act you speak with jus ap

drink;

There is a child, and 'tis not mighty clear
Whether the mother lived with us a year:
A road's indicted, and our seniors doubt
If in our proper boundary or without:
But what says our attorney? He our friend
Tells us 'tis just and manly to contend.

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Thus to conclusions from examples led,
The heart resigns all judgment to the head;
Law, law alone for ever kept in view,
His measures guides, and rules his conscience
too;

Of ten commandments, he confesses three
Are yet in force, and tells you which they be,
As law instructs him, thus: 'Your neigh-

bour's wife

You must not take, his chattels, nor his life; Break these decrees, for damage you must pay;

These you must reverence, and the rest
you may.'

Law was design'd to keep a state in peace;
To punish robbery, that wrong might cease;
To be impregnable; a constant fort,
To which the weak and injured might resort:
But these perverted minds its force employ,
Not to protect mankind, but to annoy ;
And long as ammunition can be found,
Its lightning flashes and its thunders sound.
Or law with lawyers is an ample still,
Wrought by the passions' heat with chymic
skill;

So much he's seen of baseness in the mind, That, while a friend to man, he scorns mankind;

He knows the human heart, and sees with
dread,

By slight temptation, how the strong are led;
He knows how interest can asunder rend
The bond of parent, master, guardian, friend,
To form a new and a degrading tie
'Twixt needy vice and tempting villany.
Sound in himself, yet when such flaws appea!,
He doubts of all, and learns that self to fear :
For where so dark the moral view is grown,
A timid conscience trembles for her own;
The pitchy taint of general vice is such
As daubs the fancy, and you dread the touch.

Far unlike him was one in former times,
Famed for the spoil he gather'd by his crimes;
Who, while his brethren nibbling held their
prey,

He like an eagle seized and bore the whole away.

Swallow, a poor attorney, brought his boy Up at his desk, and gave him his employ; He would have bound him to an honest trade,

While the fire burns, the gains are quickly Could preparations have been duly made.

made,

And freely flow the profits of the trade;
Nay, when the fierceness fails, these artists
blow

The dying fire, and make the embers glow,
As long as they can make the smaller profits
flow;

At length the process of itself will stop,
When they perceive they've drawn out every
drop.

Yet I repeat, there are, who nobly strive
To keep the sense of moral worth alive;
Men who would starve, ere meanly deign to live
On what deception and chican'ry give;

The clerkship ended, both the sire and son
Together did what business could be done;
Sometimes they'd luck to stir up small dis-
putes

And these at length succeed; they have their The parent growl'd, he couldn't think that

strife,

Their apprehensions, stops, and rubs in life;
But honour, application, care, and skill,
Shall bend opposing fortune to their will.

Of such is Archer, he who keeps in awe
Contending parties by his threats of law:
He, roughly honest, has been long a guide
In Borough-business, on the conquering side;
And seen so much of both sides, and so long,
He thinks the bias of man's mind goes wrong:
Thus, though he 's friendly, he is still severe
Surly though kind, suspiciously sincere :

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had fled,

The people cursed him, but in times of need Most of his friends, though youth from him
Trusted in one so certain to succeed:
By law's dark by-ways he had stored his mind
With wicked knowledge, how to cheat man-
kind.

Few are the freeholds in our ancient town;
A copy-right from heir to heir came down,
From whence some heat arose, when there
was doubt

In point of heirship; but the fire went out,
Till our attorney had the art to raise
The dying spark, and blow it to a blaze:
For this he now began his friends to treat;
His way to starve them was to make them eat,
And drink oblivious draughts-to his ap-
plause

It must be said, he never starved a cause; He'd roast and boil'd upon his board; the boast

Of half his victims was his boil'd and roast;
And these at every hour :-he seldom took
Aside his client, till he'd praised his cook;
Nor to an office led him, there in pain
To give his story and go out again;
But first, the brandy and the chine were seen,
And then the business came by starts be-
tween.

'Well, if 'tis so, the house to you belongs; But have you money to redress these wrongs? Nay, look not sad, my friend; if you're correct,

You'll find the friendship that you'd not expect.'

If right the man, the house was Swallow's

own;

If wrong, his kindness and good-will were shown:

He let them cry, for what would that recall?
At length he left us, took a village seat,
And like a vulture look'd abroad for meat;
The Borough-booty, give it all its praise,
Had only served the appetite to raise ;
But if from simple heirs he drew their land,
He might a noble feast at will command;
Still he proceeded by his former rules,
His bait, their pleasures, when he fish'd for
fools;-

Flagons and haunches on his board were placed,

Were young, were minors, of their sires in dread;

Or those whom widow'd mothers kept in bounds,

And check'd their generous rage for steeds and hounds;

Or such as travell'd 'cross the land to view
A Christian's conflict with a boxing Jew:
Some too had run upon Newmarket heath
With so much speed that they were out of
breath;

Others had tasted claret, till they now
To humbler port would turn, and knew not
how.

All these for favours would to Swallow run, Who never sought their thanks for all he'd done;

He kindly took them by the hand, then bow'd Politely low, and thus his love avow'd(For he'd a way that many judged polite, A cunning dog-he'd fawn before he'd bite)-'Observe, my friends, the frailty of our

race

When age unmans us-let me state a case : There's our friend Rupert-we shall soon

redress

His present evil-drink to our success—
I flatter not; but did you ever see
Limbs better turn'd? a prettier boy than he?
His senses all acute, his passions such
As nature gave-she never does too much;
His the bold wish the cup of joy to drain,
And strength to bear it without qualm or pain.

'Now view his father as he dozing lies,
Whose senses wake not when he opes his eyes;
Who slips and shuffles when he means to walk,
And lisps and gabbles if he tries to talk;
Feeling he's none, he could as soon destroy
The earth itself, as aught it holds enjoy ;
A nurse attends him to lay straight his limbs,
Present his gruel, and respect his whims :
Now shall this dotard from our hero hold
His lands and lordships? Shall he hide his
gold?

That which he cannot use, and dare not show, And will not give-why longer should he owe? Yet, 'twould be murder should we snap the locks,

;

And take the thing he worships from the box And subtle avarice look'd like thoughtless So let him dote and dream: but, till he die, Shall not our generous heir receive supply?

waste:

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