dead; but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers, Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier : let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; h shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Sien. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence,three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes;and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since.-Why do your dogs bark so? Host. I have spoke; let him follow.-Let be there bears i' the town? [talked of. me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; Anne. I think there are, sir, I heard them follow. [Exit. Sien. I love the sport well; but I shall as Fal. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a soon quarrel at it as any man in England.-good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster. Go; Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. [you not? adieu. Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now : I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it passed: but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter Page. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Sten. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly, than troublesome. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The Same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Dr Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Sim. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogethers acquaintance with mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone. I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Robin. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, [thrive. Bard. It is a life that I have desired: I will Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? [Exit Bard. Nym. He was gotten in drink is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer,-he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.. Pist. "Convey," the wise it call. "Steal!" foh! a fico for the phrase ! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coneycatch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good. [am about. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol: indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, "I am Sir John Falstaff s." Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well,-out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep; will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; he hath a legion of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and "To her, boy," say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious eye-liads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's another letter to her : she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour-letter. I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. Fal. [To Robin.] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly: Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.[Exit Robin. Rogues, hence! avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; [pack! Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exit. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor. Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool; I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass.-Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife? Sim. No, forsooth; he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard-a cane-coloured beard. Quick. A soft-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter Rugby. Rug. Out, alas, here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent.-Run in here, good young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John, what John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes not home. [Exit Rugby.] [Sings.] "And down, down, adown-a, &c. Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you. [Aside.] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn- mad. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais a la cour,-la grande Quick. Is it this, sir? [affaire. Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket; depeche, quickly.-Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Re-enter Rugby. Rug. Here, sir. Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long.-Od's to measure our weapon.-By gar, I vill myself me! Qu'ai-je oublie ? dere is some simples in have Anne Page. my closet, dat I vill not for de varld I shall leave behind. Quick. [Aside.] Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Catus. O diable! diable! vat is in my closet?--Villainy! larron! [Pulling Simple eut.] Rugby, my rapier! Quick. Good master, be content. Caius, Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth; to desire her toQuick. Peace, I pray you. Caius. Peace-a your tongue!-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? - Rugby, bailles me some paper.-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy.-But, notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can; and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself: Sim. 'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late-but notwithstanding,-to tell you in your ear,-I would have no words of it, my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind; that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack nape, give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make.-You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: -by gar, I vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas! he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat :-do not you tell-a me, dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?-By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate : what, the good-jer. Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me.By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door.-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do ; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there? ho! Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, pray you. Enter Fenton. Fent. How now, good woman! how dost thou? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. [tress Anne? Fent. What news? how does pretty misQuick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you.-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale.-Good faith, it is such another Nan;-but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread :-we had an hour's talk of that wart.—I shall never laugh but in that maid's company;-but, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing. But for you-well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me. Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. [now. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste Quick. Farewell to your worship. [Exit Fenton.] Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does.- Out upon't! what have I forgot? [Exit. ACT II. SCENE I.-Before Page's House. Enter Mistress Page, with a Letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love I have appointed mine host of de Jarretiere letters in the holyday time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. have gone to the truth of his words; but they [Reads. do no more adhere and keep place together than "Ask me no reason why I love you; for the hundredth psalm to the tune of "Green though love use reason for his precisian, he Sleeves." What tempest, I trow, threw this admits him not for his counsellor. You are whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, not young, no more am 1; go to then, there's ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged sympathy: you are merry, so am 1; ha, ha! on him? I think, the best way were to enterthen, there's more sympathy: you love sack, tain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust and so do I; would you desire better sym- have melted him in his own grease.--Did you pathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page,—at ever hear the like? the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice,that I love thee. I will not say, Pity me,-tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, Love me. By me, Thine own true knight, Or any kind of light, With all his might John Falstaff." Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs !-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names,-sure, more, and these are of the second edition. He will print them, out of doubt; for he cares What a Herod of Jewry is this!--O wicked, not what he puts into the press, when he would wicked world !-one that is well-nigh worn to put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and pieces with age, to show himself a young lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste this Flemish drunkard picked-with the devil's man. name-out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company !-What should I say to him?—I was then frugal of my mirth : -heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary. O, mistress Page! give me some counsel. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman! if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour ! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it ?-dispense with trifles -what is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest.-Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack and so, thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight; here, read, read-perceive how I might be knighted. -I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking and yet he would not swear, praised women's modesty, and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I: if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit ; and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [They retire. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford: He loves the gally-mawfry; Ford, perpend. Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now [heels.they be out of service. [thou, Ford. What name, sir? Farewell : Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do out this. Ford. Were they his men? Ford. I like it never the better for that.- Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I Nom. [To Page.] And this is true; I like would be loth to turn them together. A man not the humour of lying. He hath wronged may be too confident: I would have nothing me in some humours: I should have borne lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. the humoured letter to her, but I have a sword, Page. Look, where my ranting host of the and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves Garter comes. There is either liquor in his your wife; there's the short and the long. My pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch merrily. [Enter Host.] How now, mine host! 'tis true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves Host. How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a your wife.-Adieu. I love not the humour of gentleman.--Cavalero-justice, I say! bread and cheese; and there's the humour of Enter Shallow. it. Adieu. [Exit. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. -Good Page. [Aside.] "The humour of it," quoth even, and twenty, good master Page? Master 'a! here's a fellow frights humour out of his Page, will you go with us? we have sport in Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. [wits. hand. Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. Ford. If I do find it :-well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow :-well. [Hark you. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George? Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully-rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor. [with you. Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word Host. What sayest thou, my bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. [To Page.] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crot-you what our sport shall be. [They go aside. chets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, Page? my guest-cavalier? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. -Get you home, go. Mrs. Page Have with you. -You'll come to dinner, George?-Aside to Mrs. Ford.] Look, who comes yonder she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Mrs Ford. Trust me, thought on her: she'll fit it. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? Mrs Page. Go in with us, and see: we have an hour's talk with you. [Exeunt Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Quickly. Page. How now, master Ford ! Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir! I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what : 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? |