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My uncle Toby laid down his knife and fork, and thrust his plate from before him, as the landlord gave him the account; and Trim, without being ordered, took them away, without saying one word, and in a few minutes after brought him his pipe and tobacco.
Trim said my uncle Toby, I have a project in my head, as it is a bad night, of wrapping myself up warm in my roquelaure, and paying a visit to this poor gentleman.Your honour's roquelaure, replied the corporal, has not once been had on since the night before your honour received your wound, when we mounted guard in the trenches before the gate of St. Nicholas;-and besides, it is so cold and rainy a night, that, what with the roquelaure, and what with the weather, it will be enough to give your honour your death. I fear so, replied my uncle Toby; but I am not at rest in my mind, Trim, since the account the landlord has given me-I wish I had not known so much of this affair-added my uncle Toby-or that I had known more of it. How shall we manage it? Leave it, an't please your hemour, to me, quoth the corporal;-I'll take my hat and stick, and go to the house, and reconnoitre, and act accordingly; and I will bring your honour a full account in an hour. Thou shalt go, Trim, said my uncle Toby, and here's a shilling for thee to drink with his servant. I shall get it all out of him, said the corporal, shutting the door.
It was not till my uncle Toby had knocked the ashes out of his third pipe, that corporal Trim returned from the inn, and gave him the following account:
I despaired at first, said the corporal, of being able to bring back your honour any kind of intelligence concerning the poor sick lieutenant---Is he of the army, then? said my uncle Toby. He is, said the corporal-And in what regiment? said my uncle Toby-I'll tell your honour, replied the corporal, every thing straight forward, as I learnt it.Then, Trim, I'll fill another pipe, said my uncle Toby, and not interrupt thee;-so sit down at thy ease, Trim, in the window seat, and begin thy story again. The corporal made his old bow; which generally spoke as plain as a bow could speak it, "Your honour is good;" and having done that, he sat down, as he was ordered-and began the story to my uncle Toby over again, in pretty near the same words.
I despaired at first, said the corporal, of being able to bring back any intelligence to your honour, about the lieutenant and his son; for when I asked where his servant was,
from whom I made myself sure of knowing every thing that was proper to be asked-That's a right distinction, Trim, said my uncle Toby-I was answered, an't please your honour, that he had no servant with him.-That he had come to the inn with hired horses ;-which, upon finding himself unable to proceed, (to join, I suppose, the regiment) he had dismissed the morning after he came. If I get better, my dear, said he, as he gave his purse to his son to pay the man-we can hire horses from hence. But alas! the poor gentleman will never get from hence, said the landlady to me, for I heard the death-watch all night long-and when he dies, the youth, his son, will certainly die with him ; for he is broken-hearted already.
I was hearing this account, continued the corporal, when the youth came into the kitchen, to order the thin toast the landlord spoke of; but I will do it for my father myself. said the youth. Pray let me save you the trouble, young gentleman, said I, taking up a fork for the purpose, and offering him my chair to set down upon by the fire, whilst I did it. I believe, Sir, said he, very modestly, I can please him best myself.—I am sure, said I, his honour will not like the toast the worse for being toasted by an old soldier. The youth took hold of my hand, and instantly burst into Poor youth! said my uncle Toby-he has been bred up from an infant in the army, and the name of a soldier, Trim, sounded in his ears, like the name of a friend. I wish I had him here.
-I never, in the longest march, said the corporal, had so great a mind to my dinner, as I had to cry with him for com pany :-What could be the matter with me, an't please your honour? Nothing in the world, Trim, said my uncle Toby, blowing his nose-but that thou art a good-natured fellow.
When I gave him the toast, continued the corporal, I thought it was proper to tell him I was Captain Shandy's servant, and that your honour (though a stranger) was extremely concerned for his father; and that if there was any thing in your house or cellar-(and thou mightest have added my purse too, said my uncle Toby)—he was heartily welcome to it: He made a very low bow (which was meant to your honour)--but no answer-for his heart was full ;so he went up stairs with the toast; I warrant you, my dear, said I, as I opened the kitchen door, your father will be well again. Mr. Yorick's curate was smoaking a pipe by the kitchen fire, but said not a word, good or bad, to comfort
the youth. I thought it wrong, added the corporal-I think so too, said my uncle Toby.
When the lieutenant had taken his glass of sack, and toast, he felt himself a little revived, and sent down into the kitchen to let me know, that in about ten minutes, he should be glad if I would step up stairs--I believe, said the landlord, he is going to say his prayers-for there was
a book laid upon the chair, by his bed side; and as I shut the door, I saw his son take up a cushion.
I thought, said the curate, that you gentlemen of the army, Mr. Trim, never said your prayers at all. I heard the poor gentleman say his prayers last night, said the landlady, very devoutly, and with my own ears, or I could not have believed it. Are you sure of it? replied the curate. A soldier, an't please your reverence, said I, prays as often, (of his own accord) as a parson; and when he is fighting for his king, and for his own life, and for his honour too, he has the most reason to pray to God of any one in the whole world. "Twas well said of thee, Trim, said my uncle Toby, but when a soldier, said I, an't please your reverence, has been standing for twelve hours together, in the trenches, up to his knees in cold water-or engaged, said I, for months together, in long and dangerous marches: harassed, perhaps, in his rear to-day; harassing others to-morrow;-detached here-countermanded there-resting this night out upon his arms-beat up in his shirt the next-benumbed in his joints-perhaps without straw in his tent to kneel onhe must say his prayers how and when he can.—I believe, said I-for I was piqued, quoth the corporal, for the reputation of the army-I believe, an't please your reverence, said I, that when a soldier gets time to pray-he prays as heartily as a parson-though not with all his fuss and hypocrisy. Thou shouldest not have said that, Trim, said my uncle Toby-for God only knows who is a hypocrite, and who is not. At the great and general review of us all, corporal, at the day of judgment (and not till then)--it will be seen who have done their duties in this world, and who have not; and we shall be advanced, Trim, accordingly. I hope we shall, said Trim.-It is in the scripture, said my uncle Toby; and I will show it thee to-morrow:--In the mean time, we may depend upon it, Trim, for our comfort, said my uncle Toby, that God Almighty is so good and just a governor of the world, that if we have but done our duties in it--it will never be inquired into, whether we have done
them in a red coat or a black one :-I hope not, said the corporal-But go on, Trim, said my uncle Toby, with the story.
When I went up, continued the corporal, into the Lieutenant's room, which I did not do till the expiration of the ten minutes, he was laying in his bed, with his head raised upon his hand, his elbows upon the pillow, and a clean white cambric handkerchief beside it: The youth was just stooping down to take up the cushion upon which I supposed he had been kneeling the book was laid upon the bed-and as he rose, in taking up the cushion with one hand, he reached out his other to take the book away at the same time. Let it remain there, my dear, said the Lieutenant.
He did not offer to speak to me, till I had walked up close to his bed side: If you are Captain Shandy's servant, said he, you must present my thanks to your master, with my little boy's thanks along with them, for his courtesy to me; -if he was of Leven's- -said the Lieutenant. I told him your honour was —then, said he, I served three campaigns with him in Flanders, and remember him; but it is most likely, as I had not the honour of any acquaintance with him, that he knows nothing of me. You will tell him, however, that the person his good nature has laid under obligations to him, is one Le Fever, a Lieutenant in Angus's
-but he knows me not-said he a second time, musing; -possibly he may my story-added he-pray tell the Captain, I was the Ensign at Breda, whose wife was most unfortunately killed with a musket shot, as she lay in my arms in my tent. I remember the story, an't please your honour, said I, very well. Do you so? said he, wiping his eyes with his handkerchief-then well may I.- -In saying this, he drew a little ring out of his bosom, which seemed tied with a black riband about his neck, and kissed it twice.Here, Billy, said he the boy flew across the room to the bed side, and falling down upon his knee, took the ring in his hand, and kissed it too, then kissed his father, and sat down upon the bed and wept.
I wish, said my uncle Toby with a deep sigh-I wish, Trim, I was asleep.
Your honour, replied the corporal, is too much concerned ; shall I pour your honour out a glass of sack to your pipe? Do, Trim, said my uncle Toby.
I remember, said my uncle Toby, sighing again, the story of the ensign and his wife, and particularly well, that he as well as she, upon some account or other, (I forget what) was
universally pitied by the whole regiment; but finish the story. 'Tis finished already, said the corporal, for I could stay no longer, so wished his honour a good night; young Le Fever rose from off the bed, and saw me to the bottom of the stairs; and as we went down together, told me they had come from Ireland, and were on their rout to join the regiment in Flanders. But alas! said the corporal, the Lieutenant's last day's march is over. Then what is to become of his poor boy? cried my uncle Toby.
Thou hast left this matter short, said my uncle Toby to the corporal, as he was putting him to bed, and I will tell thee in what, Trim. In the first place, when thou mad'st an offer of my services to Le Fever, as sickness and travelling are both expensive, and thou knewest he was but a poor Lieutenant, with a son to subsist, as well as himself, out of his pay, that thou didst not make an offer to him of my purse; because, had he stood in need, thou knowest, Trim, he had been as welcome to it as myself. Your honour knows, said the corporal, I had no orders: True, quoth my uncle Toby; thou didst very right, Trim, as a soldier, but certainly, very wrong as a man.
In the second place, for which, indeed, thou hast the same excuse, continued my uncle Toby, when thou offeredst him whatever was in my house, that thou shouldest have offered him my house too. A sick brother officer should have the best quarters, Trim and if we had him with us, we could tend and look to him; thou art an excellent nurse thyself, Trim; and what with thy care of him, and the old woman's, and his boy's, and mine together, we might recruit him again at once, and set him upon his legs.
In a fortnight or three weeks, added my uncle Toby, smiling, he might march. He will never march, an't please your honour, in this world, said the corporal. He will march, said my uncle Toby, rising up from the side of the bed, with one shoe off. An't please your honour, said the corporal, he will never march, but to his grave. He shall march, cried my uncle Toby, marching the foot which had a shoe on, though without advancing an inch, he shall march to his regiment. He cannot stand it, said the corporal. He shall be supported, said my uncle Toby. He'll drop at last, said the corporal, and what will become of his boy? He shall not drop, said my uncle Toby, firmly. A well o'day, do what we can for him, said Trim, maintaining his point, the poor soul will die. He shall not die, by H-n, cried my uncle Toby.