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doubt not, prevent the like evils for the future, and make it, as we say, as cheap sitting as standing.
• I am, with the greatest respect, Sir, • Your most humble, and most obedient servant,
· P.S.—I had almost forgot to inform you, that a fair young lady sat in an armless chair upon my right hand, with manifest discontent in her looks.'
Soon after the receipt of this epistle, I heard a very gentle knock at my door: my maid went down, and brought up word, “ that a tall, lean, black man, well dressed, who said he had not the honour to be acquainted with me, desired to be admitted.' I bid her show him up, met him at my chamber-door, and then fell back a few paces. He approached me with great respect, and told me, with a low voice, · he was the gentleman that had been seated upon the round stool.' I immediately recollected that there was a joint-stool in my chamber, which I was afraid he might take for an instrument of distinction, and therefore winked at my boy to carry it into my closet. I then took him by the hand, and led him to the upper end of my room, where I placed him in my great elbow-chair ; at the same time drawing another without arms to it for myself to sit by him. I then asked him, at what time this misfortune befel. him ?' He answered, between the hours of seven and eight in the evening. I farther demanded of him, what he had eat or drunk that day? he replied,
nothing but a dish of water-gruel with a few plums in it.' In the next place, I felt his pulse, which was very low and languishing. These circumstances confirmed me in an opinion which I had entertained upon the first reading of his letter, that the gentleman was far gone in the spleen. I therefore advised
him to rise the next morning and plunge into the cold-bath, there to remain under water till he was almost drowned. This I ordered him to repeat six days successively; and on the seventh, to repair at the wonted hour to my lady Haughty's, and to acquaint me afterwards with what he shall meet with there ; and particularly to tell me, whether he shall think they stared upon him so much as the time before. The gentleman smiled ; and, by his way
of talking to me, showed himself a man of excellent sense in all particulars, unless when a cane-chair, a round or a joint-stool, were spoken of. He opened his heart to me at the same time concerning several other grievances; such as being overlooked in public assemblies, having his bows unanswered, being helped last at table, and placed at the back part of a coach; with many other distresses, which have withered his countenance, and worn him to a skeleton. Finding him a man of reason, I entered into the bottom of his distemper, “Sir,' said I, “there are more of your constitution in this island of Great Britain than in any
other part of the world ; and I beg the favour of you to tell me, whether you do not observe that you meet with most affronts in rainy days ?' He answered candidly, “ that he had long observed, that people were less saucy in sunshine than in cloudy weather.' Upon which I told him plainly, · his distemper was the spleen; and that though the world was very illnatured, it was not so bad as he believed it.' I farther assured him, that his use of the cold-bath, with a course of steel, which I should prescribe him, would certainly cure most of his acquaintance of their rude. ness, ill-behaviour, and impertinence. My patient smiled, and promised to observe my prescriptions, not forgetting to give me an account of their operation. This distemper being pretty epidemical, I shall, for the benefit of mankind, give the public an account of the progress I make in the cure of it.
FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, Oct. 12.
The author of the following letter behaves himself so ingenuously, that I cannot defer answering him any longer. HONOURED SIR,
• I HAVE lately contracted a very honest and undissembled claudication in my left foot, which will be a double affliction to me, if, according to your Tatler of this day, it must pass upon the world for a piece of singularity and affectation. I must, therefore, humbly beg leave to limp along the streets after my own way, or I shall be inevitably ruined in coachhire. As soon as I am tolerably recovered, I promise to walk as upright as a ghost in a tragedy, being not of a stature to spare an inch of height that I can any way pretend to. I honour your lucubrations, and am, with the most profound submission,
Honoured SIR, • Your most dutiful, and most obedient servant, &c. • October 6.'
Not doubting but the case is as the gentleman represents, I do hereby order Mr. Morphew to deliver him out a licence, upon paying his fees, which shall împower him to wear a cane till the 13th of March next; five months being the most I can allow for a sprain.
ST. JAMES'S COFFEE-HOUSE, OCT. 12. We received this morning a mail from Holland, which brings advice that the siege of Mons is carried on with so great vigour and bravery, that we hope very suddenly to be masters of the place; all things
d See Tatler, No. 77.
necessary being prepared for making the assault on the hornwork and ravelin of the attack of Bertamont, the charge began with the fire of bombs and grenadoes, which was so hot, that the enemy quitted their post, and we lodged ourselves on those works without opposition. During this storm, one of our bombs fell into a magazine of the enemy, and blew it up. There are advices which say the court of France had made new offers of peace to the Confederates ; but this intelligence wants confirmation.
No. 81. SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1709. *
Hic manus, ob patriam pugnando vulnera pasi, -
VIRG, Æn. vi. 660.
FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, Oct. 14. There are two kinds of immortality ; that which the soul really enjoys after this life, and that imaginary existence by which men live in their fame and repu. tation. The best and greatest actions have proceeded
* Addison'S AND STEELE's.- To this paper I find the names of Swift, Addison, and Steele.' -nH-y, M. See Tatler, No. 74. note. Tatler, No. 67. and the note upon it, have probably led the reader, as they did the writer, to expect the dean of St. Patrick's name, and his name only, at the beginning of this paper. That part of Tatler, No. 74. which is dated from the Grecian coffee-house, and erroneously ascribed to Swift, fed the same exi
tion. Nevertheless, the authority of the list written and delivered by Steele himself to Mr. Tickell, the credibility of which is here corroborated by sundry circumstances, obliges the writer, at last, to
drop the name of Swift entirely, and to ascribe the paper to Addison and Steele.
It has been said in a preceding note, and it will be seen in the progress of the work, that this list was not either full or correct; it will be found, however, to be decisive in this instance. There is, indeed, nothing to oppose to it but bare presumptions, and a random assertion of Dr. Hawkesworth. In a note referred to, Tatler, No. 67. in Swift's Works, vol. xix. p. 40. Dr. Hawkesworth, without assigning any reason, peremptorily challenges for the dean of St. Patrick's the four following papers : Tatler, Nos. 66. 67. 74. and 81. This writer too inadvertently acquiesced in the doctor's claim; but, on being called to attention by Steele himself, he carefully reconsidered the papers, and is now well convinced that in two instances of the four the Doctor was mistaken. In the sequel of this note, it will appear very plain that the portion of Tatler, No. 74. above-mentioned, was written by Steele, and that the twelve persons fixed upon here were not selected by Swift. That the first idea of Tables of Fame' was started by Swift, is evident on the face of Tatler, No. 67. where he makes some progress upon it; consequently, this number may be considered as one of those which Swift gave hints for. The paper itself seems even to have been promised by him, and expected from him. Upon the supposition of an explicit promise, there was equal good reason, both for Steele's expectation, and for Swift's performance. But this is not so certain ; although it seems to have been ter known that Swift promised the paper, than that he did not write it; which accounts sufficiently, both for Dr. Hawkesworth's assertion, and Mr. Byron's assignment.
The true state of the case appears to be as follows: Addison, who had been now above a month in England, brought over some contributions from Swift to the Tatler, namely, the “ Papers on Eloquence,' and that portion of No. 67. ascribed to him, which clearly intimates some such sequel as is contained in this paper. Accordingly, Steele, on the 29th of September, promised to publish the paper which he expected on the 15th of October; and of this it is probable that Swift was apprised. Half the intervening time had elapsed, it may be, without any answer, certainly without any paper from Ireland. Steele, feeling the awkwardness of his situation, applied to Addison, who probably brought him into the scrape, who certainly furnished him with a decent pretext for writing to Swift, and ultimately took the performance upon himself. Steele's letter is dated Oct. 8, and the principal business comes in at the bottom. 'I wonder you do not write sometimes to me. The town is in great expectation from Bickerstaff; what passed at the election for the first table being to be published this day seven-night. I have not seen Ben Tooke a great while, but long to usher you and yours into the world,' &c. See Swift's Works, vol. xix. p. 40. Swift's answer to this letter does not appear; but it appears very clearly, that he left Steele to gratify or disappoint the town's expectation. A comparison of Nos. 67. and 81. together, evincos two things