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follows the name without any transposition, there disloyal tendency. “ Parliament sold here," written up in large letters in the city road, is also an obvious allusion to the imputed corruption of that body; and the gingerbread kings and queens at the same shop being all over gilt, suggest a most traitorous and offensive Paronomasia. I suspect the fellow who deals in these commodities to be a radical. Of the same nature are the indecorous inscriptions (which should have been noticed among those who place their names over the door) running thus
Ironmongery-PARSONS-Tools of all sorts ;" while in London wall we see written up, - DEACON & Priest, Hackneymen.” A society, which among
” the twenty-seven published names of its council and officers, contains one bishop, two archdeacons, and five reverends, cannot, out of self-respect, suffer these indecent allusions to be any longer stuck up in the metropolis.
The French academy having decided, that proper names should never have any plural, I would implore the Royal Literary Society to relieve the embarrassment of our footmen, by deciding whether they are authorized in announcing at our routs, “ Mr. & Mrs. Foot and the Miss FEET;" whether Mr. Peacock's family are to be severally designated as Mrs. PEAHEN and the Miss PEACHICKS; and also what would be the best substitution for Mr. and Mrs. Man and the Miss Men, which has a very awkward sound.
Concluding, for the present, with the request that the other gold medal of fifty guineas may not be appropriated until after the receipt of my second leiter, I have the honour to be, &c. &c. &c.
THE EXPOSITION AT THE LOUVRE.
Behold how each Gallic improver, in science, mechanics, and
arts, As he roams the Bazaar of the Louvre, snuffs, shrugs up his
shouliers, and starts; Mon Dieu !--c'est superbe-magnifique !--les Anglois euzmemes
diront cela O Ciel! comnie c'est charmant-unique !--L'Angleterre est mise
hors de combat And it's oh! wbat will become of her? Dear! what will she
do? England has no manufactures to rival the wonders we view. Here is a patent marmite pour perfectionner pumpion soupThe gods on Olympus complete-tout en sucrema classical
group; Quatre flacons de produits chimiques--a clarified waxen bougie, A Niobe after the Greek, and the Grotto of Pan-en bisquit.
And it's oh! &c.
Voilà des chapeaux sanitaires with a jalousie cút in the hold,
miscarries, For he now gets his tendon a shield where the Greek got an ar
row-from Paris. And it's oh! &c.
A ham and a head of wild boar in a permanent jelly suspended, Cinq modèles de chaises inodores pour un cabinet d'aisance intend. The elixir term'd odontalgique, which can stubbornest tooth.
aches control, Et les poupees parlantes which can squeak “papa ! and mamma!”
comme c'est drole ! And it's oh! &c.
For heads without ringlets or laurel, Regnier fashions wigs like
a wreath, While Desirabode cuts out of coral false gums and unperishing
teeth; Here's a lady in wax large as life, with all the blonde lace she
can stick to, And an actual Paris-made knife which will cut-o mirabile dictu!
And it's oh! &c.
A gross of green spectacles-nails-a stick of diaphanous wax, . A Faunus-one pan and two pails--account books with springs
in their backs ; A spit, wheel, and flyer, home-made, and supplied with a jack
chain complete; A bladder with victuals inlaid-a portrait of Louis Dixhuit.
And it's oh! &c.
Pour vous dire en detail toutes les choses there's no time, so we'll
lump as we pass, Caps, corkscrews, cheese, cucumbers, cloths ; glue, ginger
bread, ginghams, and glass ; Pianos, pipes, pipkins, pots, pattens; rouge, rat-traps, rings,
ratafie, rice, Salt, sofas, shawls, sugar-loaves, satins ; dulls, dredgers, delf,
dimity, dice. And it's oh! &c,
Through the fifty-two rooms on a floor, now you've seen all the
sights in your tour, Et si vous en voulez encore, vous les verrez ld bas dans la cour ;Oui, pour leur commerce de la mer, c'est fini-enfin, c'en est fait, Et la Grande Nation, il est clair, a ecrase les pauvres Anglais. And it's oh! what will become of her? Dear, what will she
do? England has no manufactures to rival the wonders we view.
SECOND LETTER TO THE NEW ROYAL
De omnibus rebus et quibusdam aliis.
In my first letter I did not avert to one department of literature, that, for the abuses and corruptions with which it is defiled, may be termed the Augæan stable of the Muses, and calls aloud for the cleansing interposition of a society which will not shrink from any labours, however Herculean. I allude to the present state of logic. It is true that this science is not so severely studied as it was formerly, but it still forms a regular part of every
classical education: and as many avail themselves of its subtleties and labyrinths for the purpose of puzzling others or making their own escape, to the great detrimentof all truth, precision, and simplicity, and the manifest subversion of human reason in general, no more solemn or imperious duty can devolve upon the society than the correction of so enormous and crying an evil. The whole sixtyfour different modes of syllogism should be instantly abolished by act of parliament ; for what benefit can ever be derived from a study which will admit of such undeniable falsehoods, impossible truisms, and conclusive contradictions, as are exhibited in the well known dilemmas of the Greek logicians ? I am willing to believe that the great majority of the society I am addressing are fully impressed with the importance of atmospherical variations, as an inexhaustible subject of colloquial originality ; yet what is to become of our social enjoyments, if this most pregnant and delightful topic is to be rendered unavailing by such a reductio ad absurdum as the following? Either it rains, or it does not rain-but it rains—therefore it does not rain : or by reversing the position, you may prove that it does rain, and so strike at the very root of rational and instructive conversation. In the succeeding trite quatrain a most unfounded and illiberal imputation is cast upon the filial affections of a respectable class of his Majesty's subjects—the venders of turnips.
“ If the man who turnips cries,
When the perversion of logic is thus made a vehicle for private scandal, the legislature should provide some means of redress for the party libelled, provided he be proved to have taken out a regular hawker's license.
In the Musarum Deliciæ an instance occurs of logical subtlety, which the society may, perhaps, be disposed to think venial, and even laudable, since it was directed against the great enemy of mankind. A friar is stated to have sold his soul to the Prince of Darkness, upon condition that all his debts were paid : money was supplied in abundance ; and when the contracting party was extricated from all his pecuniary difficulties, and Satan appeared, saying that he came to claim the soul that was due to him,
« The Friar return'd this answer: If I owe
This dangerous weapon is, however, sometimes applied, with a culpable Jesuitism and casuistry, to the evasion of the spirit, by adhering to the letter, of the most important moral enactments. Thus it has been urged that we are ordered to forgive our enemies, but our friends : not to bear false witness against our neighbour, but we may do so for him: and he who had been accused of an improper intimacy with his valet's spouse, replied, that the offence was only forbidden against another man's wife, whereas this was his own man's wife. Such slippery subterfuges should be declared, by the paramount authority of the society, to be senseless and irreverent mockeries. It might be advisable, also, that they should pass a severe censure upon a certain logical, or rather punning executor, who having three bank notes of a hundred pounds each to divide among five legatees, of whom he was himself one, said, There is one for you two, one for you two, and one for me too.” In cases of this nature, property, literature, and logic, unite in claiming the protection of the new society.
may also be most beneficially consulted as an umpire in cases that do not fall properly within the