I did wi' the beastie? Odds, man, I dressed him up like a Heelandman, and put a kilt upon him, and a lang tailed red coat, and a blue bannet, which for security's sake I tied, woman-like, below his chin wi'twa bits of yellow ribbon. I not only did this, but I learnt him to walk upon his twa hinder legs, and to carry a stick in his right hand when he gaed out, the better to support him in his peregrinations. He was for a' the world like a wee man in kilts-sae much sae that when Glengarry the great Heeland chieftain, wha happened to be at Hamilton on a visit to the duke, saw him by chance, he swore by the powers, that he was like ane of the Celtic Society, and that if I likit he would endeavour to get him admitted a member of that body. I thocht at the time that Glengarry was jokin, but I hae since had gude reason for thinking that he was in real earnest, as Andrew Brand says that he and the Celts hae been like to cut ane anither's throats, and that he micht mean this as an affront upon them. Hoosomever, I maun do Glengarry the justice to say, that had he got my Nosey (that was his name) made a member, he wadna hae pruved the least witty or courageous of the society, and would hae dune nae disgrace to the chief's recommendation. But I am fleeing awa like a shuttle frae the subject on hand. Weel, it turned out in this manner, as ye shall hear. Ae afternoon towards the glomin' I was oblegated to tak' a stap doun to the cross, wi' a web under my arm, which I had finished for Mr Weft, the muslin manufacturer. By way of frolic, a gayan foolish ane I al low, I brocht Noзey alang wi' me. He had on, as for ordinar', his HeeIand dress, and walkit behint me, wi' the bit stick in his hand, and his tail sticking out frae below his kilt, as if he had been my flunky. It was, after a', a queer sicht, and, as may be supposed, I drew a haill crowd of bairns after me, bawling out, "Here's Willy M'Gee's monkey," and gi'eing him nits and gingerbread, and makin' as muckle of the cratur as could be; for Nosey was a great favourite in the town, and everbody likit him for his droll tricks, and the way he used to girn, and dance, and tumble ower his head, to amuse them. On entering Mr Weft's shop, I faund it empty; there wasna a leeving soul within. I supposed he had gane out for a licht; and being gayan familiar wi' him, I took a stap ben to the back shop, leaving Nosey in the fore ane. I sat for twa or three minutes, but naebody made his appearance. At last the front door, which I had ta'en care to shut after me, opened, and I look't to see wha it could be, thinking that, nae doubt, it was Mr Weft, or his apprentice. It was neither the ane nor the ither, but a strong middle-aged, red-faced Heelandman, wi' specks on, and wi' a kilt and a bannet, by a' the world like my monkey's. Now, what think ye Nosey was about a' this time? He was sittin' behind the counter upon the lang three-leggit stool that stood fornent Mr Weft's desk, and was turning ower the leaves of his ledger wi' a look which, for auld-fashioned sagaciousness, was wonderfu' to behold. I was sae tickled at the sight that I paid nae sort of attention to the Heelandman, but continued looking frae the back shop at Nosey, lauching a' the time in my sleeve-for I jealoused that some queer scene would tak' place between the twa. And I wasna far wrang, for the stranger, takin' out a pound frae his spleuehan, handed it ower to the monkey, and speered at him, in his droll norlan deealect, if he could change a note. When I heard this I thocht I would hae lauched outricht; and naething but sheer curiosity to see how the thing would end made me keep my gravity. It was plain that Donald had ta'en Nosey for ane of his ain countrymen and the thing after a' wasna greatly to be wondered at, and that for three reasons: ish. Firstly, the shop was rather dark Secondly, the Heelandman had on specks, as I hae just said; and it was likely on this account that he was rather short-sighted; and Thirdly, Nosey, wi' his kilt, and bannet, and red coat, was, to a' intents and purposes, as like a human creatur as a monkey could weel be. Nae sooner, then, had he got the note, than he opened it out, and lookit at it wi' his wee glowrin', restless een, as if to see that it wasna a forgery. He then shook his head like a doctor, when he's so very sure what's wrang wi' a per Son, but wants to mak' it appear that he kens a' about it-and continued in this style till the Heelandman's patience began to get exhausted. "Can ye no shange the note, old shentleman?" quo' Donald. Nosey gi'ed his head anither shake, and lookit uncommon wise. "Is the note no goot, sir?" spak the Heelandman, a second time; but the cratur, instead of answering him, only gied anither of his wise shakes, as much as to say, "I'm no very sure about it." At this Donald lost temper. "If the note doesna please ye, sir," quo' he, "I'll thank ye to gie me it back again, and I'll gang to some ither place." And he stretchit out his hand to tak haud o't, when my frien' wi' the tail, lifting up his stick, lent him sic a whack ower the fingers as made him pu' back in the twinkling of an ee. "Got tamn ye, ye auld scounrel," said the man; "do ye mean to tak my money frae me?" And he lifted up a rung big eneuch to fell a stot, and let flee at the monkey; but Nosey was ower quick for him, and, jumping aside, he lichted on a shelf before ane could say Jock Robinson. Here he rowed up the note like a baw in his hand, and put it into his coat pouch like ony rational cratur. Not only this, but he mockit the Heelandman by a' manner of means, shooting out his tongue at him, spitting at him, and girning at him wi' his queer outlandish physionomy. Then he would tak haud of his tail in his twa hands, and wag it at Donald, and steeking his nieves, he would seem to threaten him wi' a leatherin'. A'thegither he was desperate impudent, and eneuch to try the patience of a saunt, no to speak o' a het-bluided Heelandman. It was gude for sair een to see how Donald behavit on this occasion. He raged like ane demented, misca'ing the monkey beyond measure, and swearing as mony Gaelic aiths as micht hae sair'd an ordinar man for a twalmonth. During this time, I never steer'd a foot, but keepit keeking frae the back shop upon a' that was ganging on. highly delighted; and jealousing that Nosey was ower supple to be easily catched, I had nae apprehension for the event, and remained snug in my birth to see the upshot. wi' a piece of lowing paper in his hand, that he had got frae the next door to licht the shop; and nae sooner did Donald see him than he ax'd him for his note. "What note, honest man?" said Mr Weft. "Got tamn," quo' Donald; "the note the auld scounrel, your grandfather, stole frae me." My grandfather!" answered the ither wi' amazement. "I am thinking, honest man, ye hae had a glass ower muckle. My grandfaither has been dead for saxteen years, and I ne'er heard tell till now that he was a fief." "Weel, weel, then," quo' the Heelandman, "I don't care naething about it. If he's no your grandfaither, he'll be your faither, or your brither, or your cousin." "My faither, or my brither, or my cousin!" repeated Mr Weft. "I maun tell ye plainly, frien', that I haeneither faither, nor brither, nor cousin of ony description, on this side of the grave. I dinna understand ye, honest man, but I reckon that ye hae sat ower lang at the whisky, and my advice to ye is to stap awa hame and sleep it aff." At this speech the Heelandman lost a' patience, and lookit sae awfully fairce, that ance or twice I was on the nick of coming forrit, and explaining how matters really stood; but curiosity keepit me chained to the back shop, and I just thocht I would bide a wee, and see how the affair was like to end. "Pray, wha are you, sir ?" said Donald, putting his hands in his sides, and looking through his specks upon Mr "Wha Weft, like a deevil incarnit. are you, sir, that daur to speak to me in this manner?" "I "Wha am I?" said the ither, drappaper, which ping the remnant of the was burnin' close to his fingers, am Saunders Weft, manufacturer in Hamilton-that's what I am." . I was In a short time in comes Mr Weft, "And I am Tonald Campbell, piper's sister's son to his grace the great, grand Tuke of Argyle," thundered out the Heelandman, wi' a voice that was fearsome to hear. "And what about that?" quo' Mr Weft, rather snappishly, as I thocht. "If ye were the great, grand Duke of Argyle himsell, as ye ca' him, I'll no permit to kick you up a dust in my shop." "Ye scounrel," said Donald, seizing Mr Weft by the throat, and shaking him till he tottered like an aspen leaf, "div ye mean to speak ill of his grace the Tuke of Argyle?" And he gi'ed him anither shake then, laying haud of his nose, he swore that he would pu't as lang as a cow's tail, if he didna that instant restore him his lost property. At this sicht I began to grew a' ower, and now saw the needcessity of stapping ben, and saving my employer frae farther damage, bodily and itherwise, Nae sooner had I made my appearance than Donald let go his grip of Mr Weft's nose, and the latter, in a great passion, cried out, " William M'Gee, I tak ye to witness what I hae sufferit frae this bluid-thirsty Heelandman! It's no to be endured in a Christian country. I'll hae the law of him, that I will. I'll be whuppit but I'll hae amends, although it costs me twenty pounds!" "What's the matter?" quo' I, pretending ignorance of the haill concern. "What, in the name of Nebuchadnezzar, has set ye thegither by the lugs?" Then Mr Weft began his tale, how he had been collared and weel nigh thrap pled in his ain shop;-then the ither tauld how, in the first place, Mr Weft's grandfather, as he ca'd Nosey, had stolen his note, and how, in the second place, Mr Weft himsell had insulted the great, grand Duke of Argyle. In a word, there was a desperate kick-up between them, the ane threeping that he would tak the law of the ither immediately. Na, in this respect Donald gaed the greatest lengths, for he swore that, rather than be defeat, he wad carry his cause to the house of lords, although it cost him thretty pounds sterling. I now saw it was time to put in a word. "Houts-touts, gentlemen," quo' I, "what's the use of a' this clishmaclaver? Ye've baith gotten the wrang sow by the lug, or my name's no William M'Gee. I'll wager ye a pennypiece, that my monkey Nosey is at the bottom of the business." Nae sooner had I spoken the word, than the twa, looking round the shop, spied the beastie sitting upon the shelf, girning at them, and putting out his tongue, and wiggle-waggling his walking stick ower his left elbow, as if he had been playing upon the fiddle. Mr Weft at this apparition set up a loud lauch: bis passion left him in a moment, when he saw the ridiculous mistake that the Heelandman had fa'en into, and I thocht he would hae bursted his sides wi' evendown merriment. At first Donald lookit desperate angry, and, judging frae the way he was twisting about his mouth and rowing his een, I opined that he intended some deadly skaith to the monkey. But his gude sense, of which Heelandmen are no a'thegither destitute, got the better of his anger, and he roared and lauched like the very mischief. Nor was this a', for nae sooner had he be gan to lauch, than the monkey did the same thing, and held its sides in preceesely the same manner, imitating his actions, in the maist amusin' way imaginable. This only set Donald alauching mair than ever, and when he lifted up his nieve, and shook it at Nosey in a gude humoured way, what think ye that the cratur did? Odds man, he took the note frae his pouch, whare it lay rowed up like a baw, and, papping it at Donald, hit him as fairly upon the nose, as if it had been shot out of a weel-aimed musket. There was nae resisting this. The haill three, or rather the haill four, for Nosey joined us, set up a loud lauch; and the Heelandman's was the loudest of a', showing that he was really a man of sense, and could tak a joke as weel as his neighbours. When the lauchin' had a wee subsided, Mr Campbell, in order to show that he had nae ill wull to Mr Weft, ax'd his pardon for the rough way he had treated him, but the worthy manufacturer wadna hear o't. "Houts, man," quo' he, "dinna say a word abou t'it. It's a mistak a'thegether, and Soloman himsell, ye ken, whiles gaed wrang.' Whereupon the Heelandman bought a Kilmarnock nichtcap, price elevenpence happeny, frae Mr Weft, and paid him wi' part of the very note that brocht on the ferly I hae just been relating. But his gude wull didna end here, for he insisted on takin' us a'-Nosey amang the lave-to the nearest public, where he gi'ed us a frien'ly glass, and we keepit tawking about monkeys, and what not, in a manner at ance edify ing and amusing to hear. A MODERN PYTHAGOREAN. THE IRISH FORTY-SHILLING FREEHOLDERS. To the Editor of Blackwood's Magazine. land, to a certain amount, may fairly I SHALL make no apology for trans- be considered as conferring on theownia mitting the following observations to er a voice among the electors of a reyour excellent publication, being satis- presentative, because it supposes him fied, that, in a work distinguished by to possess an interest in the country in so many masterly compositions on which he has such a stake, and some subjects of public interest, their ade degree of judgment to qualify him for mission or rejection will depend upon selecting a person fit for so important themselves. If they shall appear to a trust. On this principle, the qualiconvey useful and important informa- fication of an elector was originally tion on a matter of great moment, formed ; and I need not tell my intelthey will be received of course-if not, ligent readers, that the sum of forty no recommendation of the writer will shillings, which was then made the be available for their admission. minimum of fitness, was nearly, if not The subject on which I propose to fully, equal in value to forty pounds offer some remarks, is the Elective of the present day. A mark, amountFranchise, as it now stands in Ire- ing to 13s. 4d., either in the way of land, particularly with respect to Fore gift, or as a yearly pension, was in ty-shilling Freeholders. To go about those days not considered as unworthy to show the political importance of of royal munificence; and many inIreland in general, or the singular cire stances of such favour are to be found cumstances in which it stands, in re- in ancient records. In bestowing the gard to forty-shilling electors, would elective franchise upon a new body of waste both your time and mine. Both citizens, a fair opportunity was offered of these have been most prominent of recurring to first principles, and consubjects of inquiry and discussion for ferring on voters that respectability some time past, and are likely to be which a privilege so important deso for some time to come. manded. Unfortunately, however, our My countrymen, not excepting those statesmen looked to the letter, not to of the highest class, have never been the spirit of the law, and in so doing, very remarkable for that sagacity which put property and poverty, the respect. looks to consequences. They engage able and the base, the civilized and with an ardour of spirit that contemns the barbarous, the informed and the the dull suggestions of prudence, con- illiterate, upon equal terms. sults only present feelings, and disturbs We are apt to speak contemptuousnot itself with the calculations of pos- ly of those early times, as periods of sible or even probable contingencies. great rudeness and simplicity; yet how Our leading patriots, in bestowing the would the high-spirited freemen of elective franchise on Roman Catholics, Magna Charta have scouted the idea hoped to give the world a glorious exé of admitting their serfs and villains, ample of liberal munificence in the their labourers and underlings, into first place; and in the next, to enhance the respectable class of Freeholders-of their own political interests and im- those who, from their propertyand their portance, by the vast number of faithe independence, were deemed worthy of ful and devoted adherents whom they political privileges ! With them the should thus be able to bring into the mob by no means constituted the peofield of Election. How miserably they ple; the refuse of the land, as in all have been disappointed—what a flood countries there will be refuse, were of perjury and fraud has thereby de- left to drudge in their proper sphere; luged the land—and what degrading and simple as their masters may be scenes of riot, tumult, and impiety, thought, they never entertained the and iniquity, have since attended every absurd notion of conferring upon them contested election, are matters too no- rights and privileges wholly incompatorious to do more than mention them. tible with their condition. This ab To the principle of enlarging the surdity was left for our days of knowsphere of elective privileges, I am hy ledge and refinement! As the office of no means inimical. Real property in a senator ranks among the most im portant in the state, so should the ful vote. It could be no matter of election to that high dignity be com- wonder to have two or three unprinmitted only to those who may at least cipled fellows make up their minds for be supposed capable of discernment this atrocious exhibition of villainous sufficient to return the most eligible. perjury for the sake of a few guineas ; As it is, the elector deriving respect but to see hundreds voluntarily offera from his property, his education, his ing themselves for so detestable a pur. understanding, and hisintegrity,stands pose in a country called Christian, will, upon an equal footing with the wretch- I think, by all British readers, be ed ignoramus, who has been, Lord deemed truly wonderful. Yet have knows how, sworn into the possession I seen the renowned Father O'Leary of a forty-shilling freehold, but who is sit with the utmost composure where not worth a single groat in the world. this game was played, and, if not Hence, as the number of the latter far abetting, certainly not discouraging outweighs that of the former, the the actors of the nefarious drama, power of returning members for all every one of whom was of his own the counties of Ireland, for some of the communion. I need not add, that he cities, and for some of the boroughs, was a friend to the ingenious purcha. is in reality vested in the pauperism, ser of Popish consciences. The mathe baseness, the ignorance, and the nagement of the fraud was curious and barbarism of the Nation. well contrived. Every candidate for It seems to me altogether impossi- qualification was introduced into a ble that the Imperial Legislature of room, where he received instructions these realms, (with the exception of as to the description of his freehold, Irish members,) can be apprised of the the number of his acres, the lives in real nature of the elective franchise his lease, and the clear profit it as now exercised in Ireland, because, brought him. When he had learned if they were, I look upon it that such his lesson, and was prepared for such a preposterous state of things would questions as would probably be asked, not be suffered to exist for a moment. he was, if his own clothes happened Their eyes, indeed, must have been to be too shabby for the dignity of an in some measure opened by the news elector, furnished with a good voting paper account of the late Elections. coat. He was then introduced into Still there remains a great deal with Court by an agent; and in the event which they cannot be acquainted, and of surmounting all the difficulties and this it is my present purpose to unfold. embarrassments of cross-examination The very necessity of registering from the lawyers on the opposite side, freeholders, which registry lasts good and passing muster as a legal elector, as far as forty shilling freeholders are he returned to receive the reward of his concerned, only six years, is of itself a perjury. This, however, was adminisproof of the impropriety of committing tered with such caution in a dark and such a power to such hands. It origina- lonely room, that none ever knew the ted from the abominable practice that hand that gave it. The price paid, I have subsisted here some forty years since, reason to think, was ten guineas., I of introducing fictitious freeholders. I have been present in Court when oneof don't know whether it was actually be- these fellows, (they were called bucks, gun, but I believe it was carried to the and perfectly well known,) after hagreatest excess in the county of Cork, ving minutely described his freehold, where a candidate, as deficient in con- and the landlord under whom he de science as he was powerful in purse, rived, was a little embarrassed by the actually obtained his return, not only sudden appearance of the gentleman against a majority of legal freeholders, from whose estate he was about to vote. but where there were certainly nearly He rose with great indignation, assutwo to one against him. It was ruled red the Sheriff he had never seen the by the High Sheriff under the sanc- man before ; that he was well acquainttion of his assistant counsel, thated with all his tenants; that no such whosoever gave a consistent account person held a foot of ground under him; of his freehold, though not producing and that he was willing to confirm any lease or written title thereto, and what he said by oath. But the point should take the freeholder's, and bri- was ruled; the Sheriff said it might be bery oaths, must, under the statute, be a matter for subsequent scrutiny, but admitted as having a good and law. that he must abide by the words of |