cause. look on natural dissolution as a cala- In ferrum mens prona viris, animæque mity or disgrace, is a height of barba capaces ric heroism beyond all Greek-be. Mortis; et ignavum redituræ parcere vitae. yond all Roman fame." LUCAN, B. I. Death can never be indifferent till It is not strictly philosophical, howman is assured, which none was ever ever, to account for the national teni. yet, that, with his breath, bis being perament by the national creed, un; passes into nothing. Whether his less that creed be really the revealed hopes and fears steer by the chart and truth. It is putting an effect for a compass of a formal creed, or 'drift We cannot suppose that the along the shoreless sea of faithless Goths became a hunting, warlike, and conjecture, a possible eternity of bliss drunken people, because they imagi. or Ďale can never be indifferent. The ned their beatitude hereafter to consist idea of extinction is not terrible, sim- in chasing an everlastingly revivified ply because man cannot form such an boar, and drinking ale, in the Hall of idea at all. Let him try as long as he Odin, out of the skulls of their enewill,- let him negative every concei- mies. No ; they copied a heaven from ved and conceivable form of future their earthly pursuits and desires. existence !~he is as far as ever from The paradise of human inventions is having exhausted the infinitude of never more than an imaginary eternipossibility. Imagination will conti ty of unalloyed human pleasures, va nually produce the line of conscious- ried according to the taste of the inness through limitless darkness. Many ventor. Virgil's Elysium is filled with are the devices of fancy to relieve the warriors, poets, and lawgivers, each soul from the dead weight of unideal reacting, in glorified semblance, their nothing. Some crave a senseless du, old parts beneath that purer sky. Plaration in dry, bones, or sepulchral to's conceptions of a future state maashes, or ghastly mummies ; or, rather nifestly emanated from that visionary than not to be, would dwell in the ambition of intellect-those yearning cold obstruction of the grave, or the aspirations after a closer intuition of damp hollow solitude of the charnel, the ideal Good and Beautiful, that our house. Some choose a life in other's compound being can enjoy; -which breath, an everlasting fame, and listen illuminated and sublimed his mighty delighted to the imaginary voice of genius to the very verge of inspiration. unborn ages. Some secure a perma. Thus, the philosopher's Elysium is nence in their works, their country, speculative--the politician's practical their posterity; and yet, neither the -- the labourer looks for rest—the protracted dissolution of the carcase, injured for vengeance the prisoner nor the ceaseless tradition of renown, for freedom. The Goth transferred nor a line of progeny stretched to the his drinking bout, the Mahometan his crack of doom, can add an instant of Haram, to the skies. Thus each and the brief existence of the conscious all build up a Heaven with the shaBeing. Our fathers held a more pale dows of carnal affections, or the bright, pable phantom-a dream of grosser er effulgence of self-pleasing thought. substance that the soul, the self, the A period comes, when some wily popersonal identity, only shifted its te litician, or more vivid dreamer, subnement, and subsisted by perpetual stantiates the diin surmises of the change. longing soul into a scheme of nationEt vos barbaricos ritus, moremque sinis- al belief, and asserts imperatively, that trum the forms indistinctly beheld in the Sacrorum, Druidæ, positis repetistis ab magic mirror have a correspondent armis. reality in time and place an objective Solis nosse Deos et coeli numina vobis, existence. The fleeting vapours of Aut solis nescire, datum : nemora alta remoti passionate imagination are condensed, Ineolitis luci; vobis auctoribus umbræ and, as it were, precipitated. They Non tacitas Erebi sedes, Ditj que profundi become a power separate from the Pallida regna petunt: regit idem spiri- mind-controlling the will, and motus artus difying the total nature. Whatever of Orbe alio ; longte (canitis si cognita) vitæ permanent and positive is infused into Mors media est. Certe populi, quos des human sentiments, is derived from Rem picit Arctos ligion, whose office is to establish a suFelices errore suo, quos, ille timorum persensual world, as real, and more Maximus, haud urget, Leti metus. Inde permanent, than the world of sense. TuOO BACHELOR. THE BATTLE OF THE BREEKS, AND THE MONKEY. Two Passages in the Life of William M'Gee, Weaver in Hamilton. THE BATTLE OF THE BREEKS. I OFTEN wonder when I think of the tribulations that men bring upon them sells through a want of gumption and common independence of speerit. There now, was I for nae less than eighteen years as henpickit a man as ever wrocht at the loom. Maggy and me, after the first week of our marriage, never foregathered weel thegither. There was something unco dour and imperious about her temper, although, I maun say, barring this drawback, she was nae that ill in her way either that is to say, she had a sort of kindness about her, and behaved in a truly mitherly way to the bairns, giein' them a' things needfu' in the way of feeding and claithing so far as our means admitted. But, O man, for a' that, she was a dour wife. There was nae pleasing her ae way or anither; and whenever I heard the bell ringing for the kirk, it put me in mind of her tongue-aye wag, wagging, and abusing me beyond bounds. In ae word, I was a puir, broken-hearted man, and aften wished mysell in Abraham's bosom, awa frae the cares and miseries of this sinfu' world. I was just saying that folk often rin their heads into scrapes for want of a pickle natural spunk. Let nae man tell me that guid nature and simplee city will get on best in this world; na-faith, no. I hae had ower muckle experience that way; and the langer I live has pruved to me that my auld maister, James Currie, (him in the Quarry Loan,) wasna sae far wrang when he alleged, in his droll gude humoured way, that a man should hae enough of the deil about him to keep the deil frae him. That was, after a', ane of the wisest observes I hae heard of for a lang time. Little did I opine that I would ever be obleegated to mak' use o't in my ain particklar case : -but, bide awee, and ye shall see how it was brocht about between me and Maggy. It was on a wintry night when she set out to pick a quarrel wi' Mrs Todd, -the huckster's wife, anent the price of a pickle flour which I had bought some days before, for making batter of, but which didna turn out sae weel as I expeckit, considering what was paid for't. Had I been consulted, I would hae tell't her to bide at hame, and no fash her thumb about the matter, which after a' was only an affair of here nor there. But, na; Maggy was three-happence farthing, and neither nane o' the kind to let sic an object stan' by; so out she sets, wi' her red bonnet-that she had just that day got cloak about her, and her black velvet hame frae Miss Lorimer, the milliner -upon her head. But I maun first tell what passed between her and me on this wonderfu' occasion. ing as couthy and humble as I could, “And now, my dear," quo' I, lookand pu'ing my Kilmarnock nicht- cap a wee grain aff my brow in a kind of half respectfu' fashion, "what's this ye're ganging to be about? Odds, woman, I wadna gie a pirn for a' that has happened. What signifies a pickle flour scrimp worth half a groat!" Faith, I would better hae held iny tongue, for nae sooner was the word uttered, than takin' haud of a can, half fu' o' ready-made dressing, which I was preparing to lay on a wab of blue check I was working for Mr Andrew Treddles, the Glasgow manushe let it flee at my head like a cannon facturer-I say, takin' haud of this, ball. But Providence was kind, and instead of knocking out my brains, as I had every reason to expeck, it gied bang against our ain looking glass, and shattered it into five hunder pieces. But I didna a'thegither escape skaith, the dressing having flown out as the can gaed by me, and plaistered a' my face ower in a manner maist extraordinar to behold. By jingo, my corruption was roused at this deadly attempt, and gin she hadna been my wife, I wad hae thrawn about her neck like a tappit hen's. But, na-I was henpickit, and she had sic a mastery ower me as nae persuasions of my ain judgment could owercome. Sae I could do naething but stan' glowering at her like a moudiewart, while she poured out as muckle abuse as if I had been her flunky, instead of her natural lord and master. Ance or twice I fand my nieves yeuking to gie her a elour by way of balancing accounts, but such was the power of influence she had obtained that I durstna cheep for my very heart's bluid. So awa she gaed on her errand, leaving me sittin' by the fire to mak the best of my desperate condition. "O, Nancy," said I to my dochter, as she sat, mending her brither's sark, opposite to me, "Is na your mither an awfu' woman ?" "I see naething awfu' about her," quo' the cratur; "I think she servit ye richt; and had I a man, I would just treat him in the same way, if he daur'd to set his nose against onything that I wanted." I declare to ye when I heard this frae my ain flesh and bluid, I was perfectly dumfoundered. The bairn I had brought up on my knee-that used, when a wee thing, to come and sit beside me at the loom, and who was in the custom of wheeling my pirns wi' her ain hand-odds, man, it was desperate. I could na say anither word, but I fand a big tear come hap-happing ower my runkled cheeks, the first that had wet them sin' I was a bit laddie rinning about before the schule door. What was her mither's abusiveness to this? A man may thole muckle frae his wife, but O, the harsh words of an undutifu' bairn gang like arrows to his heart, and he weeps tears of real bitterness. I wasna angry at the lassie-I was ower grieved to be angered; and for the first time I fand that my former sufferings were only as a single thread to a haill hank of yarn, compared to them I suffered at this moment. A'thegither the thing was mair than I could stand, so, rising up, I betaks mysell to my but-and-ben neighbour, Andrew Brand. Andrew was an uncommon sagacious chiel, and, like mysell, a weaver to his trade. He was beuk-learned, and had read a hantel on different subjects, so that he was naturally looked up to by the folks round about, on account of his great lear. When onything gaed wrang about the Leechlee street, where we lived, we were a' glad to consult him; and his advice was reckoned no greatly behint that of Mr Meek, the minister. He was a great counter, or 'rithmetishian, as he ca'd it; and it was thocht by mony guid judges that he could handle a pen as weel as Mr Dick, the writing-master, himsell. So, as I was saying, I stappit ben to Andrew's to ask his advice, but odds, if ye ever saw a man in sic a desperate passion as he was in when I tauld him how I had been used by my wife and dochter. "William M'Gee," said he, raising his voice-it was a geyan strong ane"ye're an absolute gomeril. O, man, but ye're a henpickit sumph! I tell ye, ye're a gawpus and a lauching stock, and no worth the name of a man. Do ye hear that?" "O ay, I hear't very weel," quo' I, no that pleased at being sae spoken to even by Andrew Brand, who was a man I could stamach a guid deal frae in the way of reproof" I hear't a' weel eneuch, and am muckle obleeged to ye, nae doubt, for your consolation." "Hooly and fairly, William," said he in a kinder tone, for he saw I was a degree hurt by his speech. "Come, I was only joking ye, man, and ye maunna tak onything amiss I hae said. But, really, William, I speak to ye as a frien', and tell ye that ye are submitting to a tyranny which no man of common understanding ought to submit to. Is this no the land of liberty? Are we no just as free as the Duke in his grand palace down by; and has onybody a richt-tell me that, William M'Gee-to tyranneeze ower anither as your wife does ower you? I'll no tell ye what to do, but I'll just tell ye what I would do, if my wife and dochter treated me as yours have treated you-lord, man, I would ding their harns about, and knock their heads thegither like twa curling stanes. I would aye be master in my ain house." This was Andrew's advice, and I thocht it sounded geyan rational, only no very easy to be put in practice. Hoosomever, thinks I to mysell, I'll consider about it, and gin I could only bring mysell to mak the experiment, wha kens but I micht succeed to a miracle? On stapping back to my ain house, the first thing I did was to tak a thimblefu' of whisky, by way of gi'eing me a pickle spunk in case of ony fresh rumpus wi' the wife, and also to clear up my ideas-for I hae fand, that after a lang spell at the loom, the thochts as weel as the body are like to get stupid and dozey. So I taks a drappie, and sits down quietly by the fireside, waiting for the return of Maggy free scolding Mrs Todd about the flour. In she comes, a' in a flurry. Her face was as red as a peyny rose, her breathing cam fast, and she lookit a'thegither like ane that has had a sair warsle wi' the tongue. But she was far frae being downcast. On the contrair, she lookit as proud as a Turkey cock; and I saw wi' the tail of my ee that she had gained a gran' victory ower puir Mrs Todd, who was a douce, quiet woman, and nae match for the like of her in randying. So she began to stump and mak a great phrase about the way she had outcrawed the puir body; and was a'thegither as upset about it as if Duke Hamilton had made her keeper of his palace. Losh, I was mad to hear't, and twa or three times had a gude mind to put in a word-to sic a degree was my courage raised by the drap speerits but aye as the words were rising to my mouth, the thocht of the can and the dressing sent them back again, till they stuck like a bane in my throat. Very likely I micht hae said ne'er a word, and Andrew Brand's advice micht hae gane for naething, had it no been for the cratur Nancy, who was sae lifted up about her mither's dispute, that naething would sair her but to hae the haill affair mentioned cut and dry. "And did ye cast up to Mrs Todd, mither," quo' the little cutty," that she was fat?" But this wasna a'-for nae sooner had Maggy answered her dochter's first question than the cratur was ready wi' anither: And, mither, did ye cast up to her that her faither was a meeser?" "Atweel did I, Nancy," answered the gudewife. "I tell't her a' that. I coost up to her that her faither was a meeser, and would ride to Lunnun on a louse, and make breeks of its skin and candles of its tallow." I could thole this nae langer. I fand the haill man working within me, and was moved to a pitch of daring, mair like madness, than onything else. Faith, the whisky was of gude service now, and so was Andrew Brand's advice. I accordingly steekit my neives wi' desperation, threw awa' my cowl, tucked up my sark sleeves -for my coat happened to be aff at the time and got up frae the threefooted stool I had been sitting upon in the twinkling of an ee. I trumbled a' ower, but whether it was wi' fear, or wi' anger, or wi' baith put thegither, it would be difficult to say. I was in an awfu' passion, and as fairce as a papist. "And so," said I, “ ye coost up sic things to the honest woman, Mrs Todd! O, Maggy M'Gee, Maggy M'Gee, are ye no ashamed of yoursell?" Odd it would hae dune your heart gude to see how she glowered at me. She was bewildered, and lookit as if to see whether I was mysell, and no some ither body. But her evil speerit didna lie lang asleep : it soon broke out like a squib on the King's birth day, and I saw that I maun now stand firm, or be a dead man for ever. "Has your faither been at the whisky bottle?” said she to her dochter. "He looks as if he was the waur of drink." "He had a glass just before ye cam in," answered the wicked jimpey; and scarcely had she spoken the word, when Maggy flew upon me like a teeger, and gie'd me a skelp on the cheek wi' her open loof, that made me turn round tap wise on the middle of the floor. Seeing that affairs were come to this pass, I saw plainly than I maun go on, no forgetting in sae doing my frien' Andrew's advice, as also my auld master Tam Currie's observe, anent a man hae'ing eneuch of the deil in his tem per to keep the deil awa' frae him, So I picked up a' the spunk I had in me, besides what I had frae the drap whisky; and fa'ing to, I gi'ed her sie a leathering, as never woman got in her born days. In ae word, she met wi' her match, and roared aloud for mercy; but this I would on nae account grant, till she promised faithfully that in a' time coming, she would acknowledge me as her lord and maister-and obey me in everything as a dutiful wife should her husband. As soon as this was settled, in stappit Andrew Brand. At the sight of my wife greeting, and me sae fairce, he held up his hands wi' astonishment. "William M'Gee," quo he, "it's no possible that ye're maister in this house!" "It's no only possible, but it's true, Andrew," was my answer; and taking 7 me by the hand, he wished me joy for my speerit and success. Sae far, sae weel: the first grand stroke was made, but there was something yet to do. I had discharged a' outstanding debts wi' my wife, and had brocht her to terms; but I had yet to reduce my bairns to their senses, and show them that I was their lord and maister, as weel as their mither's. Pair things! my heart was wae for them, for they were sairly miseducated, and held me in nae mair estimation, than if I had been ane of my ain wabster lads. So, just wi' a view to their gude, I took down a pair of teuch ben-leather taws, weel burnt at the finger ends, and gi'ed Nancy as mony cracks ower the bare neck as set her squeeling beyond a' bounds. It was pitifu' to see the cratur, how she skipped about the room, and ran awa to her mither, to escape my faitherly rage. But a' assistance frae that quarter was at an end now; and she was fain to fa' down on her knees and beg my forgeevness-and promise to conduct hersell as became my dochter, in a' time coming. Just at this moment in comes wee Geordie, greeting for his parritch. He kent naething of what had taken place in the house; and doubtless expeckit to mak an idiot of me, his faither, as he had been accustomed to do, almost frae his very cradle. I saw that now was the time to thresh the corruption out of him; and brandishing the taws ower my head, I made a stap forrit to lay hand upon him, and treat him like the lave. He lookit as if he had an inkling of what was forthcoming, and ran whinging and craiking to his mither, who stood wiping her een wi' her striped apron in a corner of the room. The terrified laddie clang to her knees, but she never offered to lend a helping hand-sae great was the salutary terror wi' which I had inspired her. So I pu'd him awa frae her coats, to which he was clinging; and, laying him ower my knee, I gie'd him hipsy-dipsy in the presence of his mither, his sister, and Andrew Brand, who were looking on. And thus hae I, who for eighteen years was ruled by my wife, got the upper hand; and ony man who is henpickit, as I hae been, should just take the same plan, and his success will be as sure as mine. Andrew Brand aye said to me that a man should wear his ain breeks; and I can mainteen, frae present experience, that a wiser saying is no to be found in the Proverbs of Solomon, the son of David. No that Maggie has na tried nows and thans to recover her lost power, but I hae on thae occasions conduckit mysell wi' sic firmness, that she has at last gi'en it up as a bad job, and is now as obedient a wife as ye'll meet wi' between this and Bothwell. The twa bairns, too, are just wonderfully changed, and are as raisonable as can be expeckit, a' things considered. Let men, therefore, whether gentle or semple, follow my plan, and the word henpickit, as Andrew Brand says, will soon slip out of the dictionar. THE MONKEY. IDINNA think that in a' nature there's a mair curiouser cratur than a monkey. I mak this observe frae being witness to an extraordinar' event that took place in Hamilton, three or four days after my never-to-be-forgotten Battle of the Breeks. Some even gaed the length to say that it was to the full mair curiouser than that affair, in sae far as the principal performer in the ae case was a rational man, whereas in the ither he was only a bit ape. But folk may talk as they like about monkeys, and cry them down for being stupid and mischievous, I for ane will no gang that length. Whatever they may be on the score of mischief, there can be nae doubt, that, sae far VOL. XXII. as gumption is concerned, they are just uncommon; and for wit and fun they would beat ony man black and blue. In fact, I dinna think that monkeys are beasts ava. I hae a half notion that they are just wee hairy men that canna, or rather that winna speak, in case they be made to work like ither folk, instead of leading a life of idle ness. But to the point: Iance had a monkey, ane of the drollest-looking deevils ye ever saw. He was gayan big for a monkey, and was hairy a' ower, except his face and his bit hurdies, which had a degree of bareness about them, and were nearly as saft as a lady's loof. Weel, what think ye that G |