VICAR OF THE WAKEFIELD. VOLUME THE SECOND. 6 this Why, " aye, my fon,' cried I, you left me but poor, and poor I find you are come back; and yet I make no doubt i you have feen a great deal of the • world.'-'Yes, Sir,' replied my fon, but travelling after fortune is not the way to fecure her; and, indeed, of late, I have defifted from the purfuit.' I fancy, Sir,' cried Mrs. Arnold, that the account of your adventures would be amuting: the firit · part of them I have often heard from my niece; but could the company prevail for the reft, it would be an additional obligation. Madam,' replied my fon, I promife you the pleafure you have in hearing, will not be half fo great as my vanity in repeating them, and yet in the whole narrative I can fcarce promise you one adventure, as my account is rather of what I faw, than what I did. The firft misfortune of my life, which you all know, was great; but though it diftreft, it could not fink me. No perfon ever had a better knack at 'hoping than I. The lefs kind I 'found fortune at one time, the more • I expected from her another; and being now at the bottom of her wheel, every new revolution might lift, but could not deprefs me. I proceeded, therefore, towards London in a fine morning, no way uneafy about tomorrow, but chearful as the birds that carolled by the road; and comforted myself with reflecting, that London was the mart where abilities of every kind were fure of meeting diftinction and reward. Upon my arrival in town, Sir, my firft care was to deliver your letter ' of recommendation to our coufin,. who was himself in little better cir'cumftances than I. My firft scheme, you know, Sir, was to be usher at an academy, and I asked his advice · on the affair. Our coufin received the propofal with a true Sardonic grin. Aye," cried he, "this is "indeed a very pretty career that has "been chalked out for you. I have "been an ufher to a boarding-school "myfelf; and may I die by an anodyne "necklace, but I had rather be an "under-turnkey in Newgate. I was up early and late: I was brow-beat "by the mafter, hated for my ugly "face by the miftrefs, worried by the "boys within, and never permitted to "ftir out to meet civility abroad. But "are you fure you are fit for a school? "Let me examine you a little. Have you been bred an apprentice to the G& bufiness " bufinefs?" No. "do for a school. "boys hair?" No. "do for a school. "Then you won't Can you dress the "Then you won't Have you had the "fmall-pox?" No. Then you "won't do for a fchool. Can you lie three in a bed?" No. "Then 66 you will never do for a school. Have "you got a good ftomach?" Yes. "Then you will by no means do for "a fchool. No, Sir, if you are for "a genteel eafy profeffion, bind your self seven years as an apprentice to turn a cutler's wheel; but avoid a "fchool by any means. Yet come," ⚫ continued he, "I fee you are a lad "of fpirit and fome learning, what "do you think of commencing author, "like me? You have read in books, "no doubt, of men of genius starving "at the trade: at prefent I'll fhew you forty very dull fellows about "town that live by it in opulence. "All honeft jog-trot men, who go on "fimoothly and dully, and write hif"tory and politicks, and are praised: "men, Sir, who, had they been bred "coblers, would all their lives have "only mended fhoes, but never made them." Finding that there was no degree of gentility affixed to the character of an ufher, I refolved to accept his propofal; and having the highest respect ◄ for literature, hailed the antiqua mater of Grub-ftreet with reverence. I thought it my glory to purfue a track which Dryden and Otway trod before me. I confidered the goddess of this region as the parent of excellence ; and however an intercourfe with the world might give us good-fenfe, the poverty the granted I fuppofed to be the nurie of genius! Big with these reflections, 1 fat down, and finding that the best things remained to be faid on the wrong fide, I refolved to write a book that should be wholly new. I therefore dreft up three paradoxes with fome ingenuity. They were falfe, indeed, but they were new. The jewels of truth have been fo often imported by others, that nothing was left for me to import but fome fplendid things that at a distance looked every bit as well. Witnefs, you powers, what fancied importance fate perched upon my quill while I was writing. The whole learned world, I made no doubt, would rise to op Well faid, my boy,' cried I, and what fubject did you treat upon? I hope you did not pafs over the importance of monogamy. But I interrupt, go on; you published your paradoxes; well, and what did the learned world fay to your paradoxes?" Sir,' replied my fon, the learned world faid nothing to my paradoxes; nothing at all, Sir. Every man of them was employed in praifing his friends and himself, or condemning his enemies; and unfortunately, as I had neither, I fuffered the cruelleft mortification, neglect. As I was meditating one day in a coffee-house on the fate of my para'doxes, a little man happening to enter the room, placed himself in the box before me, and after fome preliminary difcourfe, finding me to be a fcholar, drew out a bundle of propofals, beg'ging me to fubfcribe to a new edition he was going to give the world of Propertius, with notes. This demand neceffarily produced a reply that I had no money; and that conceffion led him to enquire into the nature of my expectations. Finding that my expectations were juft as great as my purse, “I see,” cried he, “you are "unacquainted with the town. I'll "teach you a part of it. Look at these "propofals; upon thefe very propofals "I have fubfifted very comfortably for "twelve years. The moment a noble man returns from his travels, a Creo "lian arrives from Jamaica, or a dow ager from her country-feat, I ftrike "for a fubfcription. I first befiege "their hearts with flattery, and then pour in my propofals at the breach. "If they fubfcribe readily the first "time, I renew my requeft to beg a "dedication fee. If they let me have "that, I smite them once more for en"graving their coat of arms at the top. "Thus," continued he, "I live by va"nity, and laugh at it. But between "ourfelves, I am now too well known, "fhould be glad to borrow your face 66 a bit: a nobleman of diftinction has "just returned from Italy; my face is "familiar to his porter; but if you "bring this copy of verfes, my life for 6 it Blefs us, George,' cried I, and is this the employment of poets now! Do men of their exalted talents thus ftoop to beggary! Can they fo far difgrace their calling, as to make a vile traffic of praise for bread?' "O no, Sir,' returned he, a true " poet can never be fo bafe; for whereever there is genius there is pride. The creatures I now defcribe are only beggars in rhyme. The real poet, as he braves every hardfhip for fame, fo he is equally a coward to contempt; and none but those who are unworthy protection, condefcend to folicit it. Having a mind too proud to stoop to fuch indignities, and yet a fortune too humble to hazard a fecond attempt for fame, I was now obliged to take a middle courfe, and write for bread. But I was unqualified for a profeffion where mere induftry alone was to enfure fuccefs. I could not fupprefs my lurking paffion for applaufe; but ufually confumed that time in efforts after excellence which takes up but little room, when it fhould have been more advantageoufly employed in the diffufive productions of fruitful mediocrity. My little piece would therefore come forth in the midst of periodical publications, unnoticed and unknown. The public were more importantly employed than to obferve the eafy fimplicity of my ftyle, or the harmony of my periods. Sheet after fheet was thrown off to oblivion. My effays were buried among the effays upon liberty, eaftern tales, and cures for the bite of a mad dog; while Philautus, Philalethes, Philelutheros, and Philanthropos, all wrote better, because they wrote fafter than I. 6 Now, therefore, I began to affociate with none but difappointed authors, like myself, who praifed, deplored, and defpifed each other. The fatisfaction we found in every celebrated writer's attempts, was inversely as their merits. I found that no ge⚫nius in another could please me. My unfortunate paradoxes had entirely dried up that fource of comfort. I 'could neither read nor write with fa tisfaction; for excellence in another was my averfion, and writing was 6 my trade. What did you fay, George?' interrupted I. Thornhill! was not that his name? It can certainly be no ' other than my landlord.'' Bless me,' cried Mrs. Arnold, is Mr. Thornhill fo near a neighbour of your's? He has long been a friend in our family, and we expect a visit from him fhortly.' My friend's first care,' continued my fon, was to alter my appearance by a very fine fuit of his own clothes, and then I was admitted to his table upon the footing of half friend, half underling. My bufinefs was to attend him at auctions, to put him in fpirits when he fat for his picture, to take the left-hand in his chariot when not filled by another, and to affist at tattering a kip, as the phrafe was, when we had a mind for a frolick. Befides this, I had twenty other little employments in the family. I was to do many fmall things without bidding; to carry the corkscrew; to ftand godfather to all the butler's • children; to fing when I was bid; to be never out of humour; always to be humble; and, if I could, to be very happy. In this honourable poit, however, 'I was not without a rival. A captain of marines, who was formed for the place by nature, oppofed me in my patron's affections. His mother had been laundrefs to a man of quality, and thus he early acquired a tafte for pimping and pedigree. As this gentleman made it the study of his life to be acquainted with lords, though he was difiniffed from several for his ftupidity; yet he found many ' of them, who were as dull as himself, that permitted his affiduities. As 'flattery was his trade, he practised it with the eafieft addrefs imaginable; but it came aukward and ftiff from fome fly petition, I found it no eafy matter to gain admittance. How ever, after bribing the fervants with half my worldly fortune, I was at laft fhewn into a fpacious apartment, my letter being previously fent up for his lordship's infpection. During this anxious interval I had full time to look round me. Every thing was 'grand and of happy contrivance; the paintings, the furniture, the gild me; and as every day my patron's • defire of flattery increased, fo every hour, being better acquainted with his defects, I became more unwilling to give it. Thus I was once more fairly going to give up the field ⚫ to the captain, when my friend found ⚫ occafion for my affiftance. This was nothing less than to fight a duel for him, with a gentleman whofe fifter it was pretended he had ufed ill. I readily complied with his requeft;ings, petrified me with awe, and ⚫ and though I fee you are difpleafed at my conduct, yet as it was a debt indifpenfibly due to friendship, I • could not refufe. I undertook the affair, difarmed my antagonist, and • foon after had the pleasure of find⚫ing that the lady was only a woman of the town, and the fellow her bully and a fharper. This piece of fervice was repaid with the warmeft profef• fions of gratitude; but as my friend raised my idea of the owner. Ah, thought I to myself, how very great muft the poffeffor of all these things be, who carries in his head the bufinefs of the ftate, and whose house • difplays half the wealth of the kingdom: fure his genius must be unfathomable! During thefe awful reflections I heard a ftep come heavily forward. Ah, this is the great man himself! No, it was only a chambermaid. Another foot was heard foon after. This must be he! No, it was only the great man's valet de chambre. • At laft his lordship actually made his "Are you, appearance. cried he, "the bearer of this here letter?" I anfwered with a bow. "I learn by "this," continued he, "as how that But juft at that inftanta fervant ⚫ delivered him a card; and without ⚫ taking farther notice, he went out of the room, and left me to digeft my own happiness at leifure. I faw no more of him, till told by a footman that his lordship was going to his coach at the door. Down I imme 'diately followed, and joined my voice to that of three or four more, whe came, like me, to petition for favours. His lordship, however, went too faft for us, and was gaining his chariot door with large ftrides, when I hallooed out to know if I was to have any reply. He was by this time 'got in, and muttered an answer, half ' of which I only heard, the other half was loft in the rattling of his chariot wheels. I ftood for fome time with my neck ftretched out, in the pofture of one that was liftening to catch the glorious founds, till, looking round me, I found myself alone at his lordhip's gate. was to leave town in a few days, he ⚫ knew no other method of ferving me, • but by recommending me to his un⚫cle Sir William Thornhill, and another nobleman of great diftinction, who enjoyed a poft under the govern• ment. When he was gone, my first care was to carry his recommenda⚫tory letter to his uncle, a man whofe character for every virtue was univerfal, yet juft. I was received by his fervants with the most hospitable fmiles; for the looks of the domefticks < ever tranfmit their mafter's benevolence. Being fhewn into a grand apartment, where Sir William foon came to me, I delivered my meffage and letter, which he read, and after paufing fome minutes, "Pray, Sir,” cried he, " inform me what " have you done for my kinfman, to deferve this "warm recommendation? But I fup pofe, Sir, I guess your merits, you "have fought for him; and fo you "would expect a reward from me for "being the inftrument of his vices. "I with, fincerely wifh, that my pre"fent refufal may be fome punishment "for your guilt; but ftill more, that "it may be fome inducement to your "repentance." The feverity of this rebuke I bore patiently, because I knew it was juft. My whole expectations now, therefore, lay in my letter to the great man. As the doors of the nobility are almoft ever befet with beggars, all ready to thrust in My patience,' continued my fon, was now quite exhaufted: ftung with the thousand indignities I had met with, I was willing to caft myself " away, away, and only wanted the gulph to receive me.. I regarded myfelf as one of thofe vile things that nature • defigned should be thrown by into her lumber-room, there to perish in obfcurity. I had ftill, however, half a guinea left, and of that I thought nature herself should not deprive me: but in order to be fure of this, I was refolved to go instantly and spend it while I had it, and then truft to oc< currences for the reft. As I was goingalong with this refolution, it happened that Mr. Crifpe's office feemed invitingly open to give me a welcome reception. In this office Mr. Crifpe kindly offers all his majesty's fubjects a generous promife of 301. a year, for which promise all they give in return is their liberty for life, and permiffion to let him transport them to America as flaves. I was happy at finding a place where I could lofe my fears in defperation, ⚫ and entered this cell, for it had the appearance of one, with the devotion of a monaftic. Here I found a number of poor creatures, all in ⚫ circumstances like myself, expecting the arrival of Mr. Crifpe, prefenting a true epitome of English impatience. Each untractable foul at va<riance with fortune, wreaked her injuries on their own hearts: but Mr. Crifpe at laft came down, and all murmurs were hushed. He deigned to regard me with an air of peculiar approbation, and indeed he " was the first man who for a month paft talked to me with fmiles. After a few questions, he found I was fit for every thing in the world. He paufed a while upon the propereft means of providing for me, and flapping his forehead, as if he had found it, affured me, that there was at that time an embaffy talked of from the • fynod of Pensylvania to the Chickafaw Indians, and that he would use his intereft to get me made fecretary. knew in my own heart that the fellow 1yed, and yet his promife gave me pleafure, there was fomething fo magnificent in the found. I fairly, therefore, divided my half guinea, one half of which went to be added to his thirty thousand pounds, and with the other half I refolved to go to the ⚫ next tavern, to be there more happy than he. ❝ our I As I was going out with that refolution, I was met at the door by the captain of a ship, with whom I had formerly fome little acquaintance, and he agreed to be my companion over a bowl of punch. As I ⚫ never chose to make a fecret of my circumstances, he affured me that I was upon the very point of ruin, in liftening to the office-keeper's promifes; for that he only defigned to fell me to the plantations. "But," <continued he," I fancy you might "by a much fhorter voyage, be very "eafily put into a genteel way of bread. "Take my advice. My fhip fails to"morrow for Amfterdam: what if you go in her as a paffenger? The mo"ment you land, all you have to do "is to teach the Dutchmen English, "and I'll warrant you'll get pupils " and money enough. I fuppofe you "understand English," added he, "by "this time, or the deuce is in it." I confidently affured him of that; but ⚫ expreffed a doubt whether the Dutch would be willing to learn English. He affirmed with an oath that they were fond of it to distraction; and upon that affirmation I agreed with his propofal, and embarked the next day to teach the Dutch English in Holland. The wind was fair, our voyage short, and after having paid my paffage with half my moveables, 'I found myself, fallen as from the fkies, a ftranger in one of the principal ftreets of Amfterdam. In this • fituation I was unwilling to let any time pafs unemployed in teaching. I addreffed myfelf therefore to two or three of those I met, whofe appearance feemed moft promifing; but it was impoffible to make ourselves 'mutually understood. It was not till this very moment I recollected, that in order to teach Dutchmen English, it was necessary that they should firft teach me Dutch. How I came to ' overlook fo obvious an objection, is 'to me amazing; but certain it is I overlooked it. This fcheme thus blown up, I had 'fome thoughts of fairly shipping back to England again; but happening into company with an Irish ftudent, who was returning from Louvain, · our converfation turned upon topicks of literature (for, by the way, it may be obferved, that I always forgot the • meanness |