Imatges de pàgina
PDF
EPUB

But what produced the most irritating sensations in my bosom, was her arranging every thing anew that she could suppose had been adjusted by my mother. Scarcely an article of furniture was suffered i to retain its station, if she could discover that her predecessor had placed it where it stood to remove every vestige or memorial of her seemed to be her invariable aim. And for all these changes she assigned reasons so plausible, that they could neither easily be controverted, nor charged with the invidious motive from which they really

sprung.

:

Nor, amidst her multifarious cares and renovations, did she omit to pay particular attention to my habits and manners: professing the most sincere zeal for my good, and making many declarations of her friendly concern on my account, she suffered scarcely a word, look, or motion to pass unnoticed. I was now in my twentieth year, and· ́ my natural disposition and previous habits were as little suited as my age to this sort of school discipline. I believe I had the general reputation of being a good figure and graceful in my deportment at any rate a considerable sum had been expended to render me so: yet in, her unbounded zeal and solicitude for my good, my step-mother discovered that I stooped insufferably; and to remedy this alleged defect, whenever I happened to look down, I was sure to feel a tap on the shoulder, while she fixed her eyes on my face, and drew herself up to teach me by example the proper attitude! But she had a refractory spirit to contend with; the invariable effect of every such tap on the shoulder, was to make me stoop the more; so that I was in imminent danger of actually acquiring the habit which hitherto had no existence. My real faults (which were not a few) I persisted in with confirmed obstinacy, and those of which I was falsely accused, I perversely adopted; while amid all this studied contumacy on my part, she remained cool and persevering, inflicting upon me, under covert of kindness, every species of insult that her ingenuity could devise.

• What rendered my mortification the more intolerable, was my having to endure many of these maternal chastisements in the presence of Peter Patterson; to whom, evidently, nothing could have been more gratifying. In a very short time my mother and this young gentleman perfectly understood each other: the significant looks which were interchanged between them, admitted of no misconstruction; and this close intimacy and league increased my aversion (if any thing could do it) to them both. Still my mother took care, that I should have nothing on which to found a plausible complaint; and even if any such occasion had been given me, I was by no means sure of redress from my father; while, had I failed in my appeal, my situation would probably have been worse than before.'

Miss Burrows is driven at last to the unwarrantable step of leaving her father's house, and taking refuge at Farmer Thoroughgood's. This step decides her father on putting into execation his purposed plan of placing her in some respectable family as a private governess; but it is for the time put aside by-un offer. The son of Farmer Thoroughgood has made'

himself sufficiently agreeable to the lady, to render marriage a much preferable alternative, and he obtains Mr. Burrows's consent to address his daughter. His attachment partakes, however, of the sobriety of his character rather too much to accord with our heroine's romantic notions. Her friend and confidante, Miss Watson, suggests, that it requires a little stimulus, and to excite his jealousy appears the most feasible plan. This perilous expedient is resorted to, and is attended with its merited result. She loses her lover, and her father indignantly reverts to his original plan for getting rid of her. She is summoned home from her second situation as governess, to attend the death-bed of her mother-in-law, who, conscience-smitten, confesses having been the principal agent in breaking off her acquaintance with William Thoroughgood, and an accomplice in intercepting all the letters between her absent brother Richard and his family. Miss Burrows is again left the mistress of her father's house, and she succeeds so far in adapting her conduct to his habits, as to preclude the necessity of his seeking for another substitute.

The years I thus spent, alone with my father, notwithstanding his and my own manifold imperfections, I must number, now that they are past and for ever gone, among the most tranquil of my life. He shewed more of parental feeling than had been manifested during my younger days, often alluding to his son Richard with deep interest and regret. This, especially, was a subject on which our feelings were in perfect unison, and it essentially contributed to mutual endearment. Time thus imperceptibly stole away without any particular event to mark its progress, till I found myself verging towards my meridian; and by this time I began to repine occasionally at the monotonous life I lived, and seemed doomed to live, I had, it is true, a numerous, and as the world goes, an agreeable and respectable circle of friends around me; nor did I want any of the accommodations or even luxuries of life. But pleasures derived from such sources can in their very nature only add to our real happiness when they furnish the mere relaxations of a mind fully engaged in worthy and important pursuits:-they become positive sources of pain, and of indescribable disgust, when they form in themselves the sole or the chief objects of life.”

The sickening monotony of her days is broken by the death of her father, and our heroine finds herself without restraint, her own mistress, and the mistress of a considerable fortune; yet, this ill compensates for the loss of her only friend and protector.

I soon found, however, that that independence in its full latitude, for which my yet unbroken spirit had been ever pining, was not to be purchased by money. Indeed, in what state can we possibly be placed, that shall render us independent of our fellow-creatures?and in how many respects are the rich still more dependent than the poor!

♦ I had none but very distant relatives, with whom I had little intercourse, and I now took especial care that it should not become more frequent; under the idea that any attentions or civilities on their part must of necessity proceed from interested views. I deterinined neither to be, nor to seem to be, the dupe of any flatteries or attentions, the motive of which might be suspected; and I thought I had so perfected my natural discernment by experience, that I believed I could always detect the hidden motives of every one's conduct; and, in this pursuit, I was often, if not very charitable, at least very ingenious. I have since had reason to question the correctness of many of my sage surmises. Indeed, when discernment is sharpened by ill-temper, it gradually induces habits of absurd suspicion. If malignity quickens the intellectual sight, it at the same time contracts the field of vision; and, I believe, that those who have discernment without candour, are almost as apt to be mistaken in their judgments of character, as those who have candour without discernment. In fact, I overrated my knowledge of the world-I had lived, it is true, in more than one family-I had made some journeys of pleasure, and I had mixed in general society; but my mind was never tranquil enough for me to have acquired the habit of wise observation: and many who have been confined all their days to a far narrower sphere, may have exceeded me in sound practical knowledge of human nature, and of the world.

Having, among all my numerous acquaintances, no attachment which deserved the name of friendship-on looking around me, and taking an estimate of my present condition, I found myself a solitary being in the midst of a world, of which I had once formed such sanguine expectations. With these melancholy feelings, I resolved to quit the busy town and its neighbourhood, and select a situation more Congenial to what I imagined to be my natural taste. That I might be free from all cares, vexations, and incumbrances, I determined to board in some respectable family; and, having fixed upon a part of the country delightful in its scenery, a neighbourhood cheerful in its society, and a family unexceptionable from its general character, I adjusted my affairs, and took leave of my native town, not without some painful emotions when the parting moment arrived.'

The result of this experiment makes her regret that she had quitted the house in which she was born, in which her parents had lived and died. She now takes a house, determined to have an establishment of her own, corresponding to her rank and fortune; but is again led to wish that she had been less precipitate in parting with her father's furniture, which now seems in her recollection, all in the wide world with which her feelings are nearly allied. If I could now have looked round upon the old chairs and tables, the bureaus and cabinets, I should have thought myself less solitary-less desolate.' Satiety and chagrin still attend her various plans for being happy. She becomes an attendant upon an evangelical ministry, but her

feelings are soured and tainted by the spirit of religious animosity.

Years thus passed away, and, to my shame I own, left me stationary as to real happiness, and ignorant of the most effectual means of attaining it. One day, while brooding over my manifold sorrows, in a commodious apartment, by the side of a blazing fire, and with four servants at my beck, my reveries were disturbed by a sudden knock at the door: it was no sooner opened, than an elderly gentleman appeared before me.

"Your name is Burrows, I presume, madam?" said he.

"Yes, sir."

"Then," said he, "I am Richard!" and in an instant we were in each other's arms.

"Dear Richard!" said I, "dear, dear Richard!" and I could utter no more. It was a moment ever to be remembered; a pleasing delirium, which I am continually endeavouring to recal, till I awake, and the illusion vanishes like a summer's dream.

No sooner had our first emotions subsided, than others of a more sober nature ensued; we mutually wondered at what in reality was no wonder-the changes effected by time in our persons and manners: we gazed at each other with alternate exclamations of astonishment; yet I occasionally caught a glimpse of the Richard-the companion of my youthful days-an engaging expression of countenance, which neither years nor vicissitudes had been able entirely to obliterate. But he, in his turn, declared, that scarcely a vestige of Lucy Burrows remained." Dear girl," said he, "you have had your sorrows, I am sure. Old Father Time, merciless as he is, has never done all this!" and then his lips quivered-and I burst into a convulsive fit of weeping.

We now discussed the subject of our interrupted intercourse. He assured me that it had occasioned him the most afflictive disquietude, -that he had used every possible means to discover the cause; and from his account, there appeared reason to believe, that besides those letters which had been so iniquitously intercepted, some must have miscarried. He added, that the vicissitudes of the service, and his own immediate affairs, had at length occasioned him to desist from further inquiries, till he should again visit his native land-a period which had been protracted from time to time, beyond his expectations. The relation of his adventures during our long separation, was reserved for future opportunities. My story was soon told he was deeply interested and affected with the account of the death of our parents against my step-mother he expressed a deep resentment, although I related to him but one instance of her perfidy; yet, in the midst of his anger, he was softened by the account of her dying anguish, and his features discovered, that the amiable sensibilities of youth had not been lost in the rough discipline of life.

• How different from my accustomed feelings were those with which I retired to rest on this memorable night! For some hours I could not sleep at length, with a heart at ease, I fell into a tranquil

slumber, and awoke in the morning quite unlike the forlorn being who had risen from the same pillow the preceding day. Oh, what a cheerful breakfast it was!-every thing, within door and without, seemed to be changed; so much does the aspect of external circumstances depend upon our internal feelings. Now, teasing world, thought I, your petty troubles at least shall annoy me no longer. Richard is here: from henceforth I will enjoy the bounties of providence-nor, as I have done hitherto, learn their value only by their loss.

Thus, in a few short hours, my prison was converted into a palace; the servants appeared really pleased, and I was pleased to see them participate in my happiness. Friends and neighbours poured in, and gave my brother a hearty welcome; while the village rang with the news from one end to the other. Invitations ensued in quick succession, and many weeks were spent in festivities at home and abroad, till things gradually subsided into a sober calm: the novelty had ceased, and the emotions of our friends, who at first were surprised, and amused, began to abate,-I confess I thought rather prematurely but I was too busily employed in adjusting the house for the reception of its new master, to be much disconcerted at these things. Various alterations and improvements were now agreed upon and adopted, for mutual accommodation and pleasure: and again I experienced the happy effect of employment. It is true, my brother and I could not exactly agree respecting some of our arrangements, and occasionally were in danger of suffering our disputes to degene rate into peevishness; but the recollection that I was Lucy, and that he was Richard, had a sort of magic influence on our feelings, and quickly put the evil demon to flight.'

Here, if it were not real life that is to be portrayed, and real character that is to be illustrated, would have been the place to give a happy turn to the story. But Richard cannot work a miracle, and the following account, though it contains a humiliating picture, is, we are persuaded, not overwrought. Indeed, the freedom from any thing bordering on exaggeration, which characterizes Mrs. Taylor's writings, would warrant our giving her credit for adhering to literal fact, even where she night seem to deviate from probability; according to the French adage

Le vrai n'est pas toujours le vraisemblable.”

My brother's constitution had suffered from the effects of long and severe service, under a burning sun: he had scarcely seated himself beside me on the first day of his arrival, before I observed the tremulous motion of his hand, and other symptoms, that betrayed the invalid. In consequence of this, his naturally sweet and engaging temper was occasionally obscured by peevishness and irritability; yet he was so radically amiable, that had his little infirmities even been humoured, instead of thwarted, I now verily believe (now that it is too late) the probability of his regaining a degree of health would have been much greater. I was so intent on his good, that often I did not perceive I was putting him to the torture; and

« AnteriorContinua »