ceived belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment. Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Era. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm. Mrs Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt cat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter. Mrs Page. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. Enter SLENDER. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! [4side. Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched? Slen. Despatched!-I'll make the best in Gloucestershire know on 't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir,-and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: if I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly: did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cried "Mum," and she cried "Budget," as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry poys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: what shall I do? Mrs Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Enter CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mistress Page? by gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. Mrs Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit CAIUS. Ford. This is strange: who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgives me: here comes master Fenton. Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. How now, master Fenton! Anne Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon! Page. Now, mistress, how chance you went not with master Slender? Mrs Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid? Fent. You do amaze her: hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy that she hath committed; And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her. Ford. Stand not amazed: here is no remedy:In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state: Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. [joy! Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased. Eva. I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Mrs Page. Well, I will muse no further:-master Heaven give you many, many merry days! [Fenton, Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; Sir John and all. Ford. Let it be so:-Sir John, To master Brook you yet shall hold your word: ACT I. FROTH, a foolish Gentleman. Clown, Servant to Mrs OVERDONE. ISABELLA, Sister to CLAUDIO. Mrs OVERDONE, a Bawd. Lords, Gentlemen, Guards, Officers, and other Attendants. SCENE, VIENNA. SCENE I.-An Apartment in the Duke's Palace. Enter Duke, ESCALUS, Lords, and Attendants. Duke. Escalus, Escal. My lord. Duke. Of government the properties to unfold, For common justice, you are as pregnant in, As art and practice hath enriched any That we remember: there is our commission, From which we would not have you warp.-Call hither, I bid come before us Angelo.say, [Exit an Attendant. Lent him our terror, dress'd him with our love; Of our own power. What think you of it? Enter ANGELO. Duke. Look, where he comes. Ang. Always obedient to your grace's will, I come to know your pleasure. Duke. Angelo, There is a kind of character in thy life, Not light them for themselves: for if our virtues Did not go forth of us, 'twere all alike As if we had them not. Spirits are not finely touch'd, But to fine issues: nor nature never lends The smallest scruple of her excellence, Both thanks and use. But I do bend my speech To one that can my part in him advertise; Hold therefore, Angelo: In our remove, be thou at full ourself; Mortality and mercy in Vienna As time and our concerning shall impórtune, Ang. Yet, give leave, my lord, That we may bring you something on the way. Nor need you, on mine honour, have to do As to your soul seems good. Give me your hand; But do not like to stage me to their eyes: Lucio. Thou concludest like the sanctimonious pirate, that went to sca with the ten commandments, but scraped one out of the table. 2 Gent. Thou shalt not steal? Lucio. Ay, that he razed. 1 Gent. Why, 'twas a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions; they put forth to steal: there's not a soldier of us all, that, in the thanksgiving before meat, doth relish the petition well that prays for peace. 2 Gent. I never heard any soldier dislike it. Lucio. I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where grace was said. 2 Gent. No? a dozen times at least. 1 Gent. What? in metre? Lucio. In any proportion, or in any language. 1 Gent. I think, or in any religion. Lucio. Ay! why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy: as for example; Thou thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace. us. 1 Gent. Well, there went but a pair of shears between Lucio. I grant; as there may between the lists and the velvet: thou art the list. 1 Gent. And thou the velvet: thou art good velvet: thou art a three-piled piece, I warrant thee: I had as lief be a list of an English kersey, as be piled, as thou 1 Gent. How now! Which of your hips has the most profound sciatica? Bawd. Well, well; there's one yonder arrested, and carried to prison, was worth five thousand of you all. 1 Gent. Who's that, I pray thee? Bawd. Marry, Sir, that's Claudio, signior Claudio. 1 Gent. Claudio to prison! 'tis not so. Baud. Nay, but I know 'tis so: I saw him arrested; saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head's to be chopped off. Lucio. But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so: art thou sure of this? Bawd. I am too sure of it: and it is for getting madam Julietta with child. Lucio. Believe me, this may be: he promised to meet me two hours since; and he was ever precise in promise-keeping. 2 Gent. Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose. 1 Gent. But most of all, agreeing with the proclamation. Lucio. Away; let's go learn the truth of it. [Exeunt LUCIO and Gentlemen. Bawd. Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the gallows, and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk. How now! what's the news with you? Enter Clown. Clo. Yonder man is carried to prison. Bawd. Well; what has he done? Clo. A woman. Bawd. But what's his offence? Clo. Groping for trouts in a peculiar river. Bawd. What, is there a maid with child by him? Clo. No; but there's a woman with maid by him: you have not heard of the proclamation, have you? Bawd. What proclamation, man? Clo. All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be pluck'd down. Bawd. And what shall become of those in the city? Clo. They shall stand for seed: they had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them. Bard. But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down? Clo. To the ground, mistress. Bawd. Why, here's a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me? Clo. Come; fear not you; good counsellors lack no clients: though you change your place, you need not change your trade: I'll be your tapster still. Courage; there will be pity taken on you: you that have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you will be considered. Bawd. What's to do here, Thomas Tapster? Let's withdraw. Clo. Here comes signior Claudio, led by the provost to prison; and there's madam Juliet. SCENE III.-The same. [Exeunt. Enter Provost, CLAUDIO, JULIET, and Officers; Lucio, and two Gentlemen. Claud. Fellow, why dost thou shew me thus to the Bear me to prison, where I am committed. [world? Prov. I do it not in evil disposition, But from lord Angelo by special charge. Claud. Thus can the demi-god, Authority, So every scope by the immoderate use Lucio. If I could speak so wisely under an arrest. I would send for certain of my cred tors: and yet, to say the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of freedom, as the morality of imprisonment.-What's thy offence, Claudio? Claud. What but to speak of would offend again. Claud. No. Lucio. Lechery? Prov. Away, Sr; you must go. Claud. One word, good friend:-Lucio, a word with you. [Takes him aside. Lucio. A hundred, if they'll do you any good.Is lechery so look'd after? Claud. Thus stands it with me:-Upon a true con I got possession of Julietta's bed; You know the lady; she is fast my wife, Remaining in the coffer of her friends; Claud. Unhappily, even so. And the new deputy now for the duke,- A horse whereon the governor doth ride, I stagger in:-But this new governor stract, Which have, like unscour'd armour, hung by the wall Lucio. I warrant, it is: and thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders, that a milk-maid, if she be in love, may sigh it off. Send after the duke, and appeal to him. Claud. I have done so, but he's not to be found. I pr'ythee, Lucio, do me this kind service: Lucio. I pray she may; as well for the encouragement of the like, which else would stand under grievous imposition; as for the enjoying of thy life, who I would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a game of ticktack. I'll to her. Claud. I thank you, good friend Lucio. SCENE IV.-A Monastery. Enter Duke and Friar THOMAS. [Exeunt. Duke. No, holy father; throw away that thought; Believe not that the dribbling dart of love Can pierce a complete bosom. Why I desire thee Fri. May your grace speak of it? Duke. My holy sir, none better knows than you How I have ever loved the life removed; And held in idle price to haunt assemblies, Where youth, and cost, and witless bravery keeps. I have delivered to lord Angelo, (A man of stricture, and firm abstinence,) For so I have strew'd it in the common ear, Fri. Gladly, my lord. Duke. We have strict statutes, and most biting laws, That goes not out to prey. Now, as fond fathers Becomes more mock'd, than fear'd: so our decrecs, The baby beats the nurse, and quite athwart Fri. It rested in your grace To unloose this tied-up justice, when you pleased: Duke. I do fear, too dreadful: Sith 'twas my fault to give the people scope, And not the punishment. Therefore, indeed, my father, Who may, in the ambush of my name, strike home, To do it slander. And to behold his sway, I will, as 'twere a brother of your order, Visit both prince and people: therefore, I pr'ythee, Like a true friar. More reasons for this action, Is more to bread than stone; hence shall we see, If power change purpose, what our seemers be. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-A Nunnery. Enter ISABELLA and FRANCISCA. Isab. And have you nuns no further privileges? Fran. Are not these large enough? Isab. Yes, truly: I speak not as desiring more; But rather wishing a more strict restraint Upon the sisterhood, the votarists of Saint Clare. Laucio. Ho! Peace be in this place! Isab. Who's that which calls? [Within. Fran. It is a man's voice: gentle Isabella, Then, if you speak, you must not shew your face; Enter LUCIO. Lucio. Hail, virgin, if you be; as those cheek-roses Proclaim you are no less! Can you so stead me, As bring me to the sight of Isabella, A novice of this place, and the fair sister To her unhappy brother Claudio? Isab. Why her unhappy brother? let me ask; The rather, for I now must make you know I am that Isabella, and his sister. Lucio. Gentle and fair, your brother kindly greets Not to be weary with you, he's in prison. Isab. Woe me! For what? [you: Isab. O, let him marry her! The duke is very strangely gone from hence; Of business 'twixt you and your poor brother. Lucio. Has censured him Already; and, as I hear, the provost hath Isab. Alas! what poor ability's in me Lucio. Assay the power you have. Lucio. Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt: go to lord Angelo, [names, And let him learn to know, when maidens sue, All their petitions are as freely theirs As they themselves would owe them. Isab. I will about it straight; No longer staying but to give the mother ACT II SCENE I.-A Hall in ANGELO'S House. [Excunt. Enter ANGELO, ESCALUS, a Justice, Provost, Officers, and other Attendants. Ang. We must not make a scare-crow of the law, Setting it up to fear the birds of prey, And let it keep one shape, till custom make it Escal. Ay, but yet Let us be keen, and rather cut a little, Than fall, and bruise to death. Alas! this gentleman, Whom I would save, had a most noble father. Let but your honour know, (Whom I believe to be most strait in virtue,) That, in the working of your own affections, Had time cohered with place, or place with wishing, Or that the resolute acting of your blood Could have attain'd the effect of your own purpose, • Ang. 'Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus, The jury, passing on the prisoner's life, Guiitier than him they try: What's open made to jus That justice seizes, What know the laws, [tice, That thieves do pass on thieves? 'Tis very pregnant, The jewel that we find, we stoop and take it, Because we see it; but what we do not see, For I have had such faults; but rather tell me, When I, that censure him, do so offend, Let mine own judgment pattern out my death. And nothing come in partial. Sir, he must die. Ang. Where is the provost? Prov. Here, if it like your honour. Ang. See that Claudio Be executed by nine to-morrow morning: Bring him his confessor, let him be prepared; For that's the utmost of his pilgrimage. [Exit Provost. Some run from brakes of vice, and answer none; Enter ELBOW, FROTH, Clown, Officers, &c. Elb. Come, bring them away: if these be good people in a commonweal, that do nothing but use their abuses in common houses, I know no law; bring them away. Ang. How now, Sir! What's your name? and what's the matter? Elb. If it please your honour, I am the poor duke's constable, and my name is Elbow; I do lean upon justice, Sir, and do bring in here before your good honour two notorious benefactors. Ang. Benefactors? Well; what benefactors are they? are they not malefactors? Elb. If it please your honour, I know not well what they are: but precise villains they are, that I am sure of; and void of all profanation in the world, that good Christians ought to have. Escal. This comes off well; here's a wise officer. Ang. Go to: what quality are they of? Elbow is your name? Why dost thou not speak, Elbow? Clo. He cannot, Sir; he's out at elbow. Ang. What are you, Sir? Elb. He, Sir? a tapster, Sir; parcel-bawd; one that serves a bad woman; whose house, Sir, was, as they say, pluck'd down in the suburbs; and now she professes a hot-house, which. I think, is a very ill house too. Escal. How know you that? Elb. My wife, Sir, whom I detest before heaven and your honour, Escal. How! thy wife? Elb. Ay, Sir; whom, I thank heaven, is an honest woman, Escal. Dost thou detest her therefore? Elb. I say, Sir, I will detest myself also, as well as she, that this house, if it be not a bawd's house, it is pity of her life, for it is a naughty house. Escal. How dost thou know that, constable? Elb. Marry, Sir, by my wife; who, if she had been a woman cardinally given, might have been accused in fornication, adultery, and all uncleanliness there. Escal. By the woman's means? Elb. Ay, Sir, by mistress Overdone's means: but as she spit in his face, so she defied him. Clo. Sir, if it please your honour, this is not so. Elb. Prove it before these varlets here, thou honourable man, prove it. Escal. Do you hear how he misplaces? [To ANGELO. Clo. Sir, she came in great with child; and longing (saving your honour's reverence) for stewed prunes; Sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very distant time stood, as it were, in a fruit-dish, a dish of Some three-pence; your honours have seen such dishes; they are not China dishes, but very good dishes. Escal. Go to, go to: no matter for the dish, Sir. Clo. No, indeed, Sir, not of a pin; you are therein in the right: but, to the point; as I say, this mistress Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and being great belly'd, and longing, as I said, for prunes; and having but two in the dish, as I said, master Froth here, this very man, having eaten the rest, as I said, and, as I say, paying for them very honestly;-for, as you know, master Froth, I could not give you three-pence again. Froth. No, indeed. Clo. Very well: you being then, if you be remembered, cracking the stones of the foresaid prunes. Froth. Ay, so I did, indeed. Clo. Why, very well: I telling you then, if you be remembered, that such a one, and such a one, were past cure of the thing you wot of, unless they kept very good diet, as I told you. Froth. All this is true. Clo. Why, very well then. Escal. Come, you are a tedious fool: to the purpose. -What was done to Elbow's wife, that he hath cause to complain of? Come me to what was done to her. Clo. Sir, your honour cannot come to that yet. Clo. Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honour's leave: and, I beseech you, look into master Froth here, Sir; a man of fourscore pound a year; whose father died at Hallowmas :-Was 't not at Hallowmas, master Froth? Froth. All-hollond eve. Clo. Why, very well; I hope here be truths: he, Sir, sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, Sir;-'twas in the "Bunch of Grapes," where, indeed, you have a delight to sit have you not? Froth. I have so; because it is an open room, and good for winter. Clo. Why, very well then;-I hope here be truths. Ang. This will last out a night in Russia, When nights are longest there: I'll take my leave, And leave you to the hearing of the cause; Hoping you'll find good cause to whip them all. Escal. I think no less: good-inorrow to your lordship. [Erit ANGELO. Now, Sir, come on: what was done to Elbow's wife, once more? Clo. Once, Sir? there was nothing done to her once. Elb. I beseech you, Sir, ask him what this man did to my wife. Clo. I beseech your honour, ask me. Escal. Well, Sir: what did this gentleman to her? Clo. Nay, I beseech you, mark it well. Clo. Doth your honour see any harm in his face? Clo. I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him. Good then; if his face be the worst thing about him, how could master Froth do the constable's wife any harm? I would know that of your honour. it? Escal. He's in the right: constable, what say you to Elb. First, an it like you, the house is a respected house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his mistress is a respected woman. Clo. By this hand, Sir, his wife is a more respected person than any of us all. Elb. Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet: the time is yet to come, that she was ever respected with man, woman, or child. Clo. Sir, she was respected with him before he mar ried with her. Escal. Which is the wiser here? Justice, or Iniquity? Is this true? Elb. O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked Hannibal! I respected with her, before I was married to her? If ever I was respected with her, or she with me, let not your worship think me the poor duke's officer:-Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or I'll have mine action of battery on thee. Escal. If he took you a box o' the ear, you might have your action of slander too. Elb. Marry, I thank your good worship for it: what is't your worship's pleasure I should do with this wicked caitiff? Escal. Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him, that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him continue in his courses, till thou know'st what they |