The latest German plan to invade Britain is to ship eighty thousand men, in fifteen big liners, and land them in Scotland. "Once landed," says the author of the scheme, "the German army could live on the country, getting money out of Edinburgh and other big towns." It is possible that the landing part of the scheme-supposing the British Fleet to be nonexistent might be carried out safely. When, however, our German friends talk of getting money out of Edinburgh, and other Scottish towns, we beg to remind them of the awful fate of the two Jews who once-years ago-tried to do the same thing. One, it is generally known, committed suicide, and the other died in an Aberdeen workhouse. If we were really hostile to the Germans, we could not wish them a worse fate than to be landed in Scotland, in the hope of getting money out of the natives.

a

Oriental fashions are bound to be introduced into this country, and ladies who like to be in the mode will be interested in the statement-made to contemporary by a beauty specialist-that the favourite tone of brown for the complexion is now the Japanese tint, which is a "clear brown of medium hue." The specialist in question produces this tint by rubbing a little olive powder into the skin; but other specialists, interviewed previous to undergoing their bath in the workhouse, maintain that very similar results can be achieved by careful abstention from the use of any saponaceous material for a couple of years.

This is Our Hundredth Number!

Our readers will have noticed, or if they have not, they will now please notice, that this is the hundredth number of THE BYSTANDER. Seeing that the last number was the ninety-ninth, perhaps this will scarcely come in the nature of a surprise. As, however, it is customary to call attention to one's arrival at a number which contains one or more noughts in it, and as, recently, Nelson's centenary was not altogether unnoticed by the public, we think it only right to modestly mention our own attainment of something of the same sort.

To a Passing Cabby

Cabby, 'tis whispered you are passing hence,

By you our streets will soon be unencumbered;
It seems that, like your cab, your very days
Are numbered!

No longer shall we sit and contemplate
That porcelain untruth which says you're willing
To carry us two miles and only charge
A shil.ing.

And yet 'twere better far to face the end,
Adhering to your autocratic manner,
Than bear the shame of driving parties for
A "tanner"!

With timid hearts we've paid your claims unfair
('Twas "fare" to you-to us it seemed a ransom !)
We feared you'd be a "growler," so we came
Down "hansom."

Jehu, farewell! Although your day has come,
And Demon Petrol swears you may not tarry,
You've left your mark at least on our vocab-
Ulary!

THE HE Cat Show at the Crystal Palace is altogether a lighter, more frivolous, and-dare one say it a prettier Show than that of the Dogs, which immediately precedes it every year at Sydenham.

There were six hundred pussies assembled last week at the Palace, who came from all nations, and were of all shapes, sizes, and colours; and Mr. Louis Wain, one of the judges, who ought to know, said this year's Show was one of the best he

had ever seen, the reason being, he said, that there were more longhaired cats than formerly.

cat," he explained, "has more mind and more beauty than a short-haired one."

The close-cropped, military-looking cat, therefore, is no longer to be considered "form" when the longhaired, æsthetic genus is around, from which one may suppose that the cat - world is at present passing through a phase like that which was, some fifteen or twenty years ago, suffered by the human species. Our illustrations show some of the prettiest of the exhibits, including Lady Decies' "Zaida," which has carried off more than five hundred prizes.

[Russell and Sens

THE

Mr. Alfred Lester

HAMLET ACT I

The Palace Theatre is said to have ma le a discovery in a new comedian, Mr. Alfred Lester, who was seen by a representative of the management with a touring company in a suburban theatre. He was engaged the next day, and was put in the Palace Review, in which he played the part of a scene-shifter on the following night. Since then, Mr. George Edwardes has made him an offer; and, in all probability, an arrangement will be come to between Mr. Edwardes and the Palace management, so that Mr. Lester may appear in a musical comedy.

The whole of the beautiful and picturesque Island of Arran, which is twenty miles long, where festivities are taking place all this week, belongs to Lady Mary, as well as an estate in Suffolk, called Easton, where there is stabling for fifty horses. She is much beloved by the Islanders for her kindness; as a child, she used to receive a pig each year as one of her birthday presents, and when, after carefully feeding it day. by day, the pig grew large enough to be killed, she was in the habit of giving the money it brought to a poor family in the island. Lady Mary is a grand daughter of the Duchess of Devonshire, and she and her mother, Mary, Duchess of Hamilton, reside for many months of the year at Brodick Castle, Arran.

G. Joplis

her one of the richest heiresses of the century. She is fond of sport, and has hunted regularly since she was a child, while she recently took over the Mastership of the Hamilton Harriers.

Lady Ludlow

Lady Ludlow, who recently acted as hostess for her son, Lord Howard de Walden, at the brilliant party given at Seaford House in honour of the Municipal visitors from Paris, is the possessor of some wonderful jewels, many of which are the gift of her son, who, on the day that he came of age, presented his mother with a whole parure of diamonds and emeralds.