stick from him). Now, Doctor, your turn to be phys- | icked (beating the DOCTOR).

Doctor. Hold, Mr. Punch; I don't want any physic, my good Sir.

Punch. Oh yes, you do; you very bad; you must take it; I the doctor now (hits him). How do you like physic? (hits). It will do you good (hits). This will soon cure you (hits): physic! (hits) physic! (hits) physic! (hits).

Doctor. Oh, pray, Mr. Punch, no more! one pill of that physic is a dose.

Punch. Doctors always die when they take their own physic hits him). Another small dose, and you never

want physic again (hits him). There, don't you feel the physic in your inside? (PUNCH thrusts the end of the stick into the DoorOR's stomach; the DooтOR falls down dead, and PUNCH, as before, tosses away the body with the end of his staff). He, he, he! (laughing). Now, Doctor, you may cure yourself, if you can (sings and dances to the tune of "Green grow the Rushes, O").

Right toll de riddle doll,
There's an end of him, by goll!
I'll dance and sing
Like any thing,

With music for my pretty Poll.

[Exit.

and his head at the same time, and accompanying the music with his voice: tune, "Morgiana in Ireland."

Mr. Punch is a very gay man,

He is the fellow the ladies for winning, oh; Let them do whatever they can,

They never can stand his talking and grinning, oh. Enter a SERVANT, in a foreign livery.

Servant. Mr. Punch, my master he say he no like dat noise.

Punch (with surprise, and mocking him). Your master he say he no like dat noise! What noise? Servant. Dat nasty noise.

Punch. Do you call music a noise?

Servant. My master he no lika de music, Mr. Punch, so he'll have no more noise near his house.

Punch. He don't, don't he? Very well (PUNCH runs about the stage ringing his bell as loudly as he can). Servant. Get away, I say, wid dat nasty bell. Punch. What bell?

Servant. That bell (striking it with his hand).

Re-enter SERVANT, slily, with a stick. (PUNCH perceiving him, retreats behind the side curtain, and remains upon the watch. The SERVANT does the same, but leaves the end of the stick visible. PUNCH again comes forward, sets down his bell very gently, and creeps across the stage, marking his steps with his hands upon the platform, to ascertain whereabouts his enemy is. He then returns to his bell, takes it up, and, going quietly over the stage, hits the SERVANT a heavy blow through the curtain, and exit, ringing his bell on the opposite side.) Servant. You one nasty, noisy, impudent blackguard. Me catch you yet (hides again as before).

(Enter PUNCH, and strikes him as before with the bell. The SERVANT pops out, and aims a blow, but not quickly enough to hit PUNOн, who exit.) Servant. You dirty scoundrel, rascal, thief, vagabond, blackguard, and liar, you shall pay for this, depend upon it.

Punch. That's a good one. Do you call this a bell? (patting it). It is an organ.

Servant. I say it is a bell, a nasty bell.

Punch. I say it is an organ (striking him with it). What you say it is now ?

Servant. An organ, Mr. Punch.

Punch. An organ? I say it is a fiddle. Can't you see? (offers to strike him again).

Servant. It is a fiddle.

Punch. I say it is a drum.

Servant. It is a drum, Mr. Punch.

Punch. I say it is a trumpet.

Servant. Well, so it is a trumpet. But bell, organ, fiddle, drum, or trumpet, my master he say he no lika de music.

Funch. Then bell, organ, fiddle, drum, or trumpet, Mr. Punch he say your master is a fool.

Servant. And he say, too, he will not have it near his house.

Punch. He's a fool, I say, not to like my sweet music. Tell him so: be off (hits him with the bell). Get along (driving the SERVANT round the stage backward, and striking him often with the bell). Be off, be off (knocking him off the stage. Exit SERVANT. PUNCH

(He stands back. Enter PUNOн, with his bell, who, seeing the SERVANT with his stick, retreats instantly, and returns, also armed with a bludgeon, which he does not at first show. The SERVANT comes forward, and strikes PuNon on the head so hard a blow that it seems to confuse him.) Servant. Me teach you how to ring your nasty, noisy bell near de gentil-men's houses.

Punch (recovering). Two can play at that (hits the SERVANT with his stick. A conflict. After a long struggle, during which the combatants exchange staves, and perform various manoeuvres, PUNCH gains the victory, and knocks his antagonist down on the platform by repeated blows on the head).

Servant. Oh dear! Oh, my head!

Punch (hitting him again). How do you like that, and that, and that? (hitting him each time). Do you like that music better than the other? This is my bell (hits), this my organ (hits), this my fiddle (hits), this my drum (hits), and this my trumpet (hits); there! a whole concert for you.

Servant. No more! me dead.
Punch. Quite dead?

Servant. Yes; quite.

Punch. Then there's the last for luck (hits him and kills him. He then takes hold of the body by its legs, swings it round two or three times, and throws it away).

ACT III.

Enter an OLD BLIND MAN, feeling his way with a staff. He goes to the opposite side, when he knocks. Blind Man. Poor blind man, Mr. Punch; I hope you'll bestow your charity; I hear that you are very good and kind to the poor, Mr. Punch; pray have pity upon me, and may you never know the loss of your tender eyes! (listens, putting his ear to the side, and hearing nobody coming, knocks again). I lost my sight by the sands in Egypt; poor blind man. Pray, Mr. Punch, have compassion upon the poor stone-blind (coughs, and spits over the side). Only a half-penny to buy something for my bad cough. Only one halfpenny (knocks again).

Enter a CONSTABLE

Constable. Leave off your singing, Mr. Punch, for I'm come to make you sing on the wrong side of your mouth. Punch. Why, who the devil are you? Constable. Don't you know me?

Punch. No; and don't want to know you. Constable. Oh, but you must! I am the constable. Punch. And who sent for you?

Constable. I am sent for you.

Punch. I don't want constable. I can settle my own business without constable, I thank you. I don't want constable.

Constable. But the constable wants you. Punch. The devil he does! What for, pray? Constable. You killed Mr. Scaramouch. You knocked his head off his shoulders.

Punch. What's that to you? If you stay here much longer I'll serve you the same.

Constable. Don't tell me. You have committed murIder, and I've a warrant for you.

Enter РUNOH, and receives one of the knocks, intended for the door, upon his head.

Gee?

Blind Man. No, Mr. Punch. Pray, Sir, bestow your charity upon a poor blind man with a bad cough (coughs).

Punch. Get along, get along; don't trouble me-nothing for you.

Blind Man. Only a half-penny! Oh dear! my cough is so bad! (coughs and spits in PUNCH's face).

Punch. Hollo! Was my face the dirtiest place you could find to spit in? Get away! you nasty old blackguard! Get away! (seizes the BLIND MAN's staff, and knocks him off the stage. PUNOи hums a tune, and dances to it; and then begins to sing, in the mock Italian style, the following words, pretending to play the fiddle on his arm with the stick).

When I think on you, my jewel,
Wonder not my heart is sad;
You're so fair, and yet so cruel,

You're enough to drive me mad.

On thy lover take some pity,

And relieve his bitter smart.

Think you Heaven has made you pretty
But to break your lover's heart?

Enter an OFFICER, with cocked-hat, cockade, and pigtail.
Officer. Stop your noise, my fine fellow.
Punch. Sha'n't.

Officer. I'm an officer.

Punch. Very well. Did I say you were not?

Officer. You must go with me. You killed your wife and child.

Punch. They were my own, I suppose; and I had a right to do what I liked with them.

Officer. We shall see that. I'm come to take you up. Punch. And I'm come to take you down (PUNOH knocks him down, and sings and dances as before). Enter JACK KETOI, in a fur cap. PUNCH, while dancing, runs up against him without seeing him. Punch (with some symptoms of alarm). My dear Sir, I beg you one thousand pardons: very sorry. J. Ketch. Ay, you'll be sorry enough before I've done with you. Don't you know me?

Punch. Oh, Sir! I know you very well, and I hope you very well, and Mrs. Ketch very well.

J. Ketch. Mr. Punch, you're a very bad man. Why did you kill the Doctor?

Punch. In self-defense.

J. Ketch. That won't do.

Punch. He wanted to kill me.

J. Ketch. How?

Punch. With his own physic.

J. Ketch. That's all gammon. You must come to prison. My name's Ketch.

Punch. Ketch that then (PUNCH knocks down JACK KETCH, and continues to dance and sing). Enter behind, one after the other, the CONSTABLE, the OFFICER, and JACK KETON. They fall upon PUNCH in the order in which they enter, and after a noisy struggle they pin him in a corner, and finally carry him off, while he lustily calls out, "Help! murder!" etc.

SCENE 2.

(The curtain rises at the back of the stage, and discovers PUNCH in prison, rubbing his nose against the bars and poking it through them.) Punch. Oh dear! Oh dear! what will become of poor pil-garlic now? My pretty Poll, when shall I see you again? (sings to the air of "Water parted from the Sea").

Punch, when parted from his dear,
Still must sing in doleful tune.
I wish I had those rascals here;
I'd settle all their hashes soon!

of the stage, and exit.

Punch. Well, I declare now, that very pretty! That must be a gardener. What a handsome three he has planted just opposite the window for a prospect! Enter the CONSTABLE. He places a ladder against the gibbet, and exit.

Punch. Stop thief! stop thief! There's one pretty rascal for you. He come back again, and get up the ladder to steal the fruit out of the tree.

platform, and exeunt.

Punch. What that for, I wonder? Oh dear! I see now. What one fool I was! That is large basket for the fruit to be put into.

Re-enter JACK KETCH. J. Ketch. Now, Mr. Punch, you may come cut, if you like it.

Punch. Thank you, kindly; but me very well where I am. This very nice place, and pretty prospect.