of the three ladies prevented them from seeing; in fact, they had looked so long and so steadily upon the dazzling brightness of their own particular stars, that they had become in a great measure blind to all others; and each one felt certain that the choice of the rich merchant would fall on her own cynosure; for Mrs. Swazey had explained to them in full the cause of their being summoned together. But Mr. Tremlett, not being influenced by any of those best feelings of our nature which affected the vision of the ladies, could not fail to perceive, at the first glance, the great superiority of our hero over the whole assemblage of prodigies.

As soon as the door opened, and Mr. Tremlett made his appearance, there was an immense sensation among the mothers; and each little innocent immediately flew to his own natural protector. The fortunate lady, who happened to be nearest to the door, and who had the first chance at the merchant, was Mrs. Muzzy, a very genteel personage, whose only hope, a young gentleman of nearly four feet in height, stood at her side.

Augustus, my love,' said Mrs. Muzzy, 'make a bow to the gentleman.'

But Augustus put his fore-finger into his mouth, and resolutely refused to move either hand, foot, or head; all three of which it was necessary to do, in order to comply with his mother's request.

"Gustus, my darling, did you hear?' said the lady, affectionately. But the young Augustus made no response.

'Come, Gussy, that's a darling, make a bow for the gentleman,' continued his mother. Augustus Muzzy, do as I bid you this moment! this instant!'

But Augustus Muzzy appeared suddenly to have conceived that a statuesque appearance was best suited to the occasion; bow he would

not.

'Poor boy!' said his mother, with a look that belied her affected sympathy; he 's got such a awful cold in his head, that he 's 'most a fool to-day.'

'Never mind, never mind,' said Mr. Tremlett, good-humoredly; 'the young gentleman will come to himself by and by, I dare say.'

'He shall make a bow, if I have to skin him alive!' said the excited mother, her face suddenly turning very red. But her threat had not the least perceptible influence upon the immoveable young gentleman; upon which the lady lost all command of her better feelings, and catching hold of her darling, she dragged him into the next apartment, from which there arose such a terrible sound, that the company were convinced that the affectionate mother was putting her dreadful menace into execution.

The next lady who got an opportunity to show off, was Mrs. Stimson. She told her youngest to make a bow, and quick as thought the obedient child stepped into the middle of the floor, and rubbing up his little pug nose with the inside of his right hand, and thrusting his right foot behind him, he bent his little body nearly double.

The other lady, Mrs. Smickle, was almost suffocated with envy; the happy mother of the boy smiled with ineffable delight; while Mrs. Swazey herself regarded the triumph as complete.

'Well done, my little fellow!' said Mr. Tremlett; and now can you tell me your name?'

'Marquith de Lafayette Stithmthun,' replied the talented' young gentleman, without the least hesitation.

'And how old are you, Marquis?' asked Mr. Tremlett. 'Eight years!' replied the miracle.

Is it possible!' said Mr. Tremlett.

'He is not another day!' said the delighted mother; he was only eight years old the twenty-first day of last April; but I don't know how many people have said they could not believe he was so young.' 'He is a precious darling!' said Mrs. Swazey;' wouldn't he like to come and live with uncle Tremlett, dear?'

'No, I don't want to,' said the youth.

Why not?' said Mr. Tremlett.

'Coth mother thays you are a nathty old bacheldor,' replied the forward child.

This reply had a very sensible effect upon every person in the room, except only the one who uttered it; and he looked around him with the self-complacency of a man who has said, in his own opinion, one of the very best things that could be spoken. Little did the wellsatisfied child know the anguish of his mother, the mortification of his aunt Swazey, the exultation of his aunt Smickle, or the chagrin of Mr. Tremlett, who did not like to receive such a home thrust, even from a gentleman of the dimensions of the young Marquis.

Now was Mrs. Smickle's time. She looked upon her three darlings with the most intense delight that a mother's heart is capable of feeling she considered their fortunes as made; for she had not the slightest doubt of Mr. Tremlett's adopting all three. Her ample bosom heaved with emotion, and she could scarce keep the tears from her eyes. But, poor woman! she did not reflect that as she had always given her children the privilege of doing as they pleased, for fear of souring their dispositions, they would be very likely to continue to do so; and that if they did do as she might wish them to, it would be an accident.

'Now my dear,' said Mrs. Smickle to her youngest, 'speak pretty to the gentleman, and ask him how he does.'

'I wont!' was the reply.

'Do, darling, speak pretty, now,' said the indulgent mother, at the same time giving the young monster a kiss.

'I wont! I wont! I wont!' was the only return for this kindness. 'David, dear, you speak to the gentleman,' she said, addressing the next oldest, and ask him how he does? And by way of enforcing compliance, she slipped a sixpence slily into the boy's hand.

I aint a-going to-only for that!' replied the youth, scorning the smallness of the bribe.

'Do, dear,' said Mrs. Smickle.

'You are always trying to make me do something I don't want to,' replied the child; and without more ado, he set up a most piteous howl.

'Never mind, do n't cry,' said the anxious mother; and addressing her other darling, who was amusing himself with a back-gammon board under one of the tables, she said: 'Lucius, my love, get up and speak to the gentleman.'

'What shall I say?' inquired the youngster.

'Ask him how he does, dear; come, that's a sweet,' said his mother.

'Why don't you ask him yourself?' inquired the young philosopher. 'Was there ever such torments?' exclaimed the amiable Mrs. Smickle, in a whisper to her sister Swazey.

I declare, I feel as if I should go off the stage,' replied the housekeeper; for she began to discover that her deep-laid plans were all coming to nought.

Just at this moment, tea was announced, and a scene of great confusion ensued, during which our hero behaved himself with such perfect propriety, that he even won upon the good-will of Mrs. Swazey herself, and Mr. Tremlett was still more favorably inclined toward him than ever before. Such are the pleasing effects of contrast. If Mrs. Swazey had been religiously bent upon advancing the fortunes of our hero, she could not have hit upon a plan for doing it so effectually as by showing him off in contrast with such a troop of pampered young republicans as she had summoned together for a contrary purpose.

The sight of the dainties upon the tea-table dispelled all thoughts of every thing but present enjoyment from the minds of mothers and children, and all grievances were forgotten.

Boys,' said the indulgent Mrs. Smickle, in a hurried whisper to her offspring, 'kill yourselves eating, for 't is all you will ever get out of this house, darlings.'

As the occurrences of the tea-table had no particular influence upon the fortunes of our hero, we will draw the oblivious veil of noninvention across them; and with the reader's permission, will here close the fifth chapter of this history.

OUTLINES OF PHACEOLOGY.*

'LET me have a luncheon of bread, and about four pounds of raisins, for really and ruly, I cannot live without eating. The stomach supports the head, and not the head the stomach.' SANCHO PANZA.

PHACEOLOGY is the science which treats of the appetites, and certain marks upon the human countenance corresponding with them. This science cannot fail to commend itself to every inquisitive mind. An acquaintance with it will reveal the habits of men by a glance at the countenance, so that the main points in the character of an individual may be known almost instantly. Upon the importance of such an acquaintance to the merchant, the mechanic, the professional man, the lover, the lovee, the bachelor, the maid, in fine to all classes of persons, it is unnecessary to expatiate It is true that Phrenology, in this respect, is in a measure useful; but when we consider that the head is almost invariably covered with hair, natural or artificial, we shall decide, once and for all, that Phaceology is the science on which we are to rely for an immediate knowledge of the human character.

There are implanted in the breast of every individual of the human family, appetites; and these appetites acquire strength in proportion to their gratification. Between them and the physiognomy there is a connection so mysterious, that the indulgence of the former, to an improper extent, will produce evidence thereof in legible marks upon the latter. These marks are ORGANS. There may be some captious individuals disposed to doubt this, or even deny it in toto; to such I will say, that I cannot waste my time and talents in endeavoring to prove what is self-evident.

Phaceology is divided into :

I. MASTICATIVE PHACEOLGY, which relates to the appetite for food.

II. BIBATIVE PHACEOLOGY, which relates to the appetite for drink.

Masticative Phaceology has two organs: those of Gustifullness,

and GORMANDIZABILITY.

I. GUSTIFULLNESS. This organ is a lateral distension of the mouth, accompanied by a sly, inquisitive, cast of countenance. It is peculiar to individuals who are in the habit of tasting whatever of an eatable nature is within their reach, and continue tasting to the great gratification of their palate, and to the great annoyance of the owner of the thing tasted. Such individuals are egregious nuisances in society, and may be readily known by a little attention to the organ. Good housewives and retail grocers will find an acquaintance with the organ particularly useful; the former in ascertaining the character of 'help' that may offer for employment, and the latter in acquainting themselves with the habits of their visitors!

II. GORMANDIZABILITY. There is a great inclination in some men literally to cram themselves with food. They have a peculiar relish

THE original spelling of this word is FACEOLOGY, I have changed it, that it might correspond with those of its sisters, Phrenology and Physiognomy. It may be divided into four or five syllables, as the 'student' shall choose.

for the good things of the table, and indulge their appetites to such excess, that soon the countenance loses its naturally healthy look and praportions, and becomes inflated and inflamed. The organ of gormandazibility may be traced in each direction, from the summits of the cheeks, to points between the eye-brows, and in the chin. It is of a Spanish-brown hue, and is scabbed. A knowledge of this organ will be of vast importance to gentlemen who are in the habit of having dinner-parties and suppers; especially if they are economists, from choice or necessity.

The organs of Bibative Phaceology are:

I. SANGAREETIVENESS,

11. EGGPOPSTABILITY,

III. VINEFRETABILITY,

I. SANGAREETIVENESS.

There is a luscious drink, the chief ingredients of which are port-wine and loaf sugar, known by the musical cognomen of sangaree. This drink is sipped with much gusto by people just indulging in the use of alcoholic stimulants. Its flavor is such, that the drinkers of it, frequently before they are aware, become victims to insensibility. The organ of Sangareetiveness is a slight flush of the countenance. It will not be recognized by any one who is not familiar with the science of Phaceology.

II. EGGPOPSTABILITY. There is another drink, of which rum and eggs are fundamental ingredients, bearing the abrupt name of eggpop, or egg-nog. It is much desired by those who are in the early stages of intemperance. The organ is a slight redness of the eye, added to the organ of Sangareetiveness. Men in whom this organ is found, are inclined to instability of mind, and sometimes of body, and may with propriety be called men of Eggpopstability.

III. VINEFRETABILITY. Persons who indulge habitually in the use of wine, and frequently to excess, are subject to fits of irritability; and ultimately the countenance assumes a severity which, with the two preceding organs, forms the organ of Vinefretability.

IV. BUSTIVELOCITATIVENESS. Those who are addicted to the use of sangaree, egg-pop, wine, and drinks of similar character, are more or less in the habit of indulging in wild scenes of inebriety, commonly called 'sprees,' or 'bu'sts;' probably a contraction of bursts, signifying a breaking away from sobriety. These persons are called 'bus'ters,' and are gregarious. When several of them are congregated together, they indulge themselves to such an extent, and their spirits become so elevated, that they find pleasure only in extreme obstreperousness, jactitations of the body, braggardism, and mischievous caperings. They have gymnasia bibonum, (as old Burton hath it,) schools and rendezvous; these Centaures and Lapithe toss-pots and bowls, as so many balls. So they triumph in villany, and justifie their wickedness, with Rabelais, the French Lucian; drunkenness is better for the body than physick, because there be more old drunkards than old physicians. Such persons may be known by their blowzy countenances, and inflamed eyes, which together form organ of Bustivelocitativeness.

the

V. PUNCHVOLUBLENESS. There is a disposition in excessive drinkers of punch to punch their neighbors, as well as great volubility.