Dol. They say, Poins has a good wit.

Fal. He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! his wit is as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there is no more conceit in him, than is in a mallet.

Dol. Why does the prince love him so then?

Fal. Because their legs are both of a bigness; and he plays at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel;1 and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons; 2 and rides the wild mare with the boys; and jumps upon joint-stools; and swears with a good grace; and wears his boot very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such other gambol faculties he hath, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him; for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

P. Hen. Would not this nave of a wheel 5 have his ears cut off?

Poins. Let's beat him before his whore.

P. Hen. Look, if the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.

Poins. Is it not strange, that desire should so many years outlive performance?

Fal. Kiss me, Doll.

P. Hen. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says the almanac to that?

1 Fennel was generally esteemed an inflammatory herb, and therefore to eat conger and fennel was to eat two high and hot things together. Fennel was also regarded as an emblem of flattery.

2 The flap-dragon was some small, combustible material swallowed alight in a glass of liquor: a candle's end formed a very formidable and disagreeable flap-dragon, and to swallow it was considered an act of merit, or of gallantry, when done in honor of the toper's mistress.

3 Riding the wild mare is another name for the childish sport of see

saw.

4 Mr. Douce thinks Falstaff's meaning to be, that Poins excites no censure by telling his companions modest stories, or, in plain English, that he tells them nothing but immodest ones.

5 Falstaff is humorously called nave of a wheel, from his rotundity of figure. The equivoque between nave and knave is obvious.

6 This was indeed a prodigy. The astrologers, says Ficinus, remark, that Saturn and Venus are never conjoined.

Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon,' his man, be not lisping to his master's old tables, his notebook, his counsel-keeper.

Fal. Thou dost give me flattering busses.

Dol. Nay, truly; I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

Fal. I am old, I am old.

Dol. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them all.

Fal. What stuff wilt have a kirtle 2 of? I shall receive money on Thursday: thou shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed. Thou'lt forget me, when I am gone.

Dol. By my troth thou❜lt set me a weeping, an thou sayest so; prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return.- -Well, hearken the end.

Fal. Some sack, Francis.

P. Hen. Poins. Anon, anon, sir.

[Advancing. Fal. Ha! a bastard son of the king's?-And art not thou Poins his brother?

P. Hen. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead?

Fal. A better than thou; I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer.

P. Hen. Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears.

Host. O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth, welcome to London.-Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine! O, Jesu, are you come from Wales?

Fal. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty,by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome. [Leaning his hand upon DOLL. Dol. How! you fat fool, I scorn you.

Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your re

1 Trigon or triangle, a term in the old judicial astrology. They called it a fiery trigon when the three upper planets met in a fiery sign; which was thought to denote rage and contention.

2 A kirtle was a petticoat, which sometimes had a body without sleeves attached to it.

venge, and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

P. Hen. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now, before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman?

Host. 'Blessing o' your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.

Fal. Didst thou hear me?

P. Hen. Yes; and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gads-hill: you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.

Fal. No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing.

P. Hen. I shall drive thee then to confess the wilful abuse; and then I know how to handle you.

Fal. No abuse, Hal, on mine honor; no abuse. P. Hen. Not! to dispraise me, and call me-pantler, and bread-chipper, and I know not what? Fal. No abuse, Hal.

Poins. No abuse!

Fal. No abuse, Ned, in the world; honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him ;-in which doing, I have done the part of a careful friend, and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal;-none, Ned, none ;-no, boys, none.

P. Hen. See, now, whether pure fear, and entire cowardice, doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us? Is she of the wicked? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is the boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?

Poins. Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

Fal. The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable; and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about him; but the devil outbids him too.1

1 The quarto reads, "and the devil blinds him too."
7

VOL. IV.

P. Hen. For the women,

Fal. For one of them,-she is in hell already, and burns, poor soul! For the other, I owe her money; and whether she be damned for that, I know not.

Host. No, I warrant you.

Fal. No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law; for the which, I think, thou wilt howl.

Host. All victuallers do so. What's a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?

P. Hen. You gentlewoman,
Dol. What says your grace?

Fal. His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

Host. Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis.

Enter PETO.

P. Hen. Peto, how now? what news?
Peto. The king your father is at Westminster;
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north; and, as I came along,
I met, and overtook, a dozen captains,
Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
And asking every one for sir John Falstaff.

P. Hen. By Heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,

So idly to profane the precious time;

When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapor, doth begin to melt,
And drop upon our bare, unarmed heads.

Give me my sword, and cloak. Falstaff, good night.

[Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, POINS, Peto,

and BARDOLph.

Fal. Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence, and leave it unpicked. [Knocking heard.] More knocking at the door?

Re-enter BARDOLPH.

How now? what's the matter?

Bard. You must away to court, sir, presently; a dozen captains stay at door for you.

Fal. Pay the musicians, sirrah. [To the Page.]Farewell, hostess ;-farewell, Doll.-You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after; the undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called Farewell, good wenches! If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go.

on.

Dol. I cannot speak ;-if my heart be not ready to burst;-Well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself. Fal. Farewell, farewell.

[Exeunt FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH. Host. Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an honester, and truer-hearted man,—well, fare thee well. Bard. [Within.] Mistress Tear-sheet,

Host. What's the matter?

Bard. [Within.] Bid mistress Tear-sheet come to

my master.

Host. O run, Doll, run; run, good Doll. [Exeunt.

ACT III.

SCENE I. A Room in the Palace.

Enter KING HENRY in his nightgown, with a Page.

K. Hen. Go, call the earls of Surrey and of Warwick;

But ere they come, bid them o'er-read these letters, And well consider of them. Make good speed.

[Exit Page.

How many thousand of my poorest subjects