RECEIPTS OF DRURY LANE THEATRE For the first week in January, during three successive seasons, showing the fluctuation of such receipt, according to the altered scale of admission, in each season: 188 HOW TO GET A SQUEAK FOR YOUR MONEY. By this comparative return, it will appear that by far the highest receipt for the week was at the seven shilling prices; the next highest was at the five shilling prices; and the lowest of all was at the four shilling prices: and to make it more conclusive, it may be as well to add, that the week's performances in January 1836 and 1838 were supported by no auxiliary aid, while that in January 1837 had the advantage of Mademoiselle Duvernay in a new ballet. If this be not a decisive answer to all future theorists in such matters, argument is entirely at an end. Facts are stubborn things: and though I very much doubt if even facts will convince a performer upon any point on which he has previously made up his mind, yet, in the hope of putting him at al events in the right path of conviction, I submit to him this, to me, conclusive document. If he wants any other argument, I'll tell him one. An eccentric person once said to me-" Lay out your money in "theatres, sir? Pooh! nonsense-lay it out in pigs, " and then you will at least get a squeak for it!” I was particularly abused at this time for having let Drury Lane Theatre to the Reformers of Middlesex, to enable them to give a dinner to their representatives, Messrs. Byng and Hume: but as the doing so enabled me (after paying every attendant expense, and the dramatic company the salaries they would have been entitled to, had the theatre been open for its ordinary purposes) to contribute £200 to a treasury groaning under the weight of — REFORM DINNER AT DRURY LANE THEATRE. 189 bills, not cash-the abuse had no remarkable effect. The upholders of the legitimate party at the other theatre thought it a positive outrage to suffer any such commemoration to take place in one of Shakspeare's temples. I thought so too; still "the art of our necessities is strange,' and we are compelled, much oftener than we like, to do things that go very much against our dispositions. But if it were deemed profane, in Shakspearian eyes, in me thus to desecrate the house, what must have been thought by them of "Shakspeare's representative," who in a subsequent season, when he came into the management of the rival house, literally consented to commit the same atrocity? I cannot ex actly state what they тHOUGHT, but I can what they SAID. Why, the very blackguards who had so measurelessly pummelled me for MY ACT, applauded Mr. Macready to the skies for his. "It is a mad world, my masters!" and no mistake. I don't enter into political discussions, but I enjoy a good laugh at the donkeys that do; and there are some people into whose "marrow, bones, and all," politics eat; and amongst these may fairly be classed your republicans and reformers. I was travelling some years since with Mr. Charles Kemble from Bath, and, during the struggle between the dappled grey of morning and full daylight, two persons entered the coach, and entered into our conversation. Until they did so, we conceived them to be ordinary countrymen; but when, in reply to a 190 THE KING, GOD BLESS HIM! question Kemble put to me respecting Washington Irving's Sketch-Book, I remarked how admirably he had dilated on the fine sight presented to the eye of an American on his first nearing the shores of Albion, "guarded by her ships of war, that prowled like guardian giants along the coast," one of them instantly rejoined, "It's a much finer sight on approaching the shores of America, where no such guardian giants are necessary," our opinion was somewhat altered. We expected them to be a brace of republicans by this remark, and became convinced of it by the ensuing observation. "How extra loyal some of your countrymen are," said Jonathan to Charles Kemble, who bowed with silent dignity. " I “ attended a few days ago a public dinner at Bath, " and had the calamity of sitting next to a man of “that quality. The chairman very properly gave "THE KING. I am as willing to drink that toast, 66 66 particularly in his Majesty's own country, as any "one; but when the aldermannic booby, wiping his "bloated cheeks, and filling his glass to the brim, ejaculated with a mouthful of highly wrought "toryism, THE KING,-GOD BLESS HIM! I felt disgusted, and went to the further end of the "room!!"* At this Drury Lane dinner I was 66 * Mathews did this once at a public dinner, but from a different reason. He sat opposite to a gentleman who, after using his toothpick, put it by the side of his plate; on seeing which, his next neighbour took it up and did the same. Mathews, horrified, said quietly, "I beg your pardon, but do you know you are using that gentleman's MR. MATHEWS AND THE TOOTHPICK. 191 66 accosted by some such fiery politician, though he possessed not the brains of our Bath traveller. "Pray, sir," said the Middlesex voter, seeing that I had been occupied in superintending the decorations, Why d'ye give us those royal illumi"nations here?" (alluding to the letters W. R. at the back of the stage lighted with gas,) "This a'n't " a king's business, it's a people's business we are 66 come about!" Whereupon I ventured to say, "Those initials do not stand, sir, for WILLIAM Rex, "but for WRETCHED RADICALS ;" and he, swallowing up the nonsense, replied, "Then in my opinion "one's as impudent as t'other." Well, these little diversions, these chequerings of a theatrical life, come in agreeably enough in the midst of the bad houses, the bad acting, and the bad weather, which managerial existence is apt to encounter, and bound to endure. It is pleasant to hear some bold boys proposing to bring about the salvation of their country, at all risks of endangering their own, promising to subscribe largely for the public good, without having anything to subscribe, and feasting in the halls of party, while the inmates of their household hearths are loafless : toothpick ?" "Oh! yes, yes," was the cool reply, and in a few minutes more he repeated the dirty trick; when Mathews, unable to contain himself, bellowed out, "Sir, do you know that you are using that "gentleman's toothpick ?" "Well, sir, suppose I am, I mean to give "it him back again!" was the answer of the offended citizen. VOL. II. I 12 d to were |