RETALIATION.

First printed in the year 1774. After the author's death.

[Dr. Goldsmith and some of his friends occasion ally dined at the St. James's Coffee-house.-One day it was proposed to write epitaphs on him. His country, dialect, and person, furnished subjects of witticism. He was called on for Retaliation, and at their next meeting produced the following poem.]

Or old, when Scarron his companions invited, Each guest brought his dish, and the feast was united.

If our landlord (1) supplies us with beef, and with fish,

Let each guest bring himself, and he brings the best dish:

(1) The master of the St. James's Coffee-house; where the Doctor, and the friends he has characterized in this poem, occasionally dined

Our dean (2) shall be ven'son, just fresh from the

plains,

Our Burke(3) shall be tongue, with the garnish of brains,

Our Will (4) shall be wild fowl, of excellent flavour, And Dick, (5) with his pepper, shall heighten the

savour:

Our Cumberland's (6) sweet-bread its place shall obtain,

And Douglas (7) is pudding, substantial and plain :
Our Garrick's (8) a sallad; for in him we see
Oil, vinegar, sugar, and saltness agree :

(2) Dr. Bernard, dean of Derry, in Ireland. (3) Edmund Burke.

(4) Mr. William Burke, late secretary to General Conway, and member for Bedwin.

(5) Mr. Richard Burke, collector of Grenada.

(6) Richard Cumberland, author of the West Indian, Fashionable Lover, The Brothers, and other dramatic pieces.

(7) Dr. Douglas, canon of Windsor, (late bishop of Salisbury,) an ingenious Scotch gentleman, who has no less distinguished himself as a citizen of the world, than a sound critic, in detecting several literary mistakes (or rather forgeries) of his countrymen; particularly Lauder on Milton, and Bower's History of the Popes.

(8) David Garrick.

To make out the dinner, full certain I am,
That Ridge (9) is anchovy, and Reynolds (10) is
lamb ;

That Hickey's (11) a capon, and, by the same rule,
Magnanimous Goldsmith, a gooseberry fool.
At a dinner so various, at such a repast,
Who'd not be a glutton, and stick to the last?
Here, waiter, more wine, let me sit while I'm able:
Till all my companions sink under the table;
Then with chaos and blunders encircling my head,
Let me ponder, and tell what I think of the dead.
Here lies the good dean, re-united to earth,
Who mix'd reason with pleasure, and wisdom
with mirth:

If he had any faults, he has left us in doubt,

At least, in six weeks I could not find them out; Yet some have declar'd, and it can't be denied 'em, That sly-boots was cursedly cunning to hide 'em. Here lies our good Edmund, whose genius was such,

We scarcely can praise it, or blame it too much; Who, born for the universe, narrow'd his mind, And to party gave up what was meant for mankind:

(9) Counsellor John Ridge, a gentleman belonging to the Irish bar.

(10) Sir Joshua Reynolds.
(11) An eminent attorney.

Tho' fraught with all learning, yet straining his throat

To persuade Tommy Townshend (12) to lend him a vote;

Who, too deep for his hearers, still went on re

fining,

And thought of convincing, while they thought of

dining;

Though equal to all things, for all things unfit ;
Too nice for a statesman, too proud for a wit;
For a patriot too cool; for a drudge disobedient;
And too fond of the right to pursue the expedient.
In short, 'twas his fate, unemploy'd, or in place, sir,
To eat mutton cold, and cut blocks with a razor.
Here lies honest William, whose heart was a
mint,

While the owner ne'er knew half the good that was in't;

The pupil of impulse, it forc'd him along,

His conduct still right, with his argument wrong;
Still aiming at honour, yet fearing to roam,
The coachman was tipsy, the chariot drove home
Would you ask for his merits? alas! he had none;
What was good was spontaneous, his faults were
his own.

Here lies honest Richard, (13) whose fate I must sigh at ;

Alas! that such frolic should now be so quiet?

(12) Mr. T. Townshend, member for Whitchurch. (13) Mr. Richard Burke. This gentleman having slightly fractured one of his arms and legs, at differ

What spirits were his! what wit and what whim!
Now breaking a jest, and now breaking a limb!
Now wrangling and grumbling to keep up the ball!
Now teazing and vexing, yet laughing at all!
In short, so provoking a devil was Dick,

That we wish'd him full ten times a day at Old
Nick;

But, missing his mirth and agreeable vein,
As often we wish'd to have Dick back again.

Here Cumberland lies, having acted his parts, The Terence of England, the mender of hearts : A flatt'ring painter, who made it his care

To draw men as they ought to be, not as they are.
His gallants are all faultless, his women divine,
And comedy wonders at being so fine :
Like a tragedy queen he has dizen'd her out,
Or rather like tragedy giving a rout.

His fools have their follies so lost in a crowd
Of virtues and feelings, that folly grows proud:
And coxcombs, alike in their failings alone,
Adopting his portraits, are pleas'd with their own.
Say, where has our poet this malady caught?
Or wherefore his characters thus without fault?
Say, was it that vainly directing his view

To find out men's virtues, and finding them few,

ent times, the Doctor has rallied him on those accidents, as a kind of retributive justice for breaking his jests upon other people.