I ever bore my daughter, or thyself. Be gone, I will not hear thy vain excuse: But as thou lov'st thy life, make speed from hence. [Exit DUKE. Val. And why not death, rather than living torment? To die, is to be banished from myself; And feed upon the shadow of perfection. Enter PROTEUS and LAUNCE. Pro. Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out. Laun. So-ho! so-ho! Pro. What seest thou? Laun. Sir, there's a proclamation that you are vanished. Pro. That thou art banished. O, that is the news; From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend. Val. O, I have fed upon this woe already, And now excess of it will make me surfeit. Doth Silvia know that I am banished? Pro. Ay, ay; and she hath offered to the doom, (Which, unreversed, stands in effectual force), A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears: Those at her father's churlish feet she tendered; With them, upon her knees, her humble self; Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them, As if but now they waxéd pale for woe: Val. No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st Have some malignant power upon my life: Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st. Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. Pro. Go, sirrah, find him out.-Come, Valentine. Val. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine! [Exeunt VALENTINE and PROteus. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 't is I love, and yet 't is a woman: but that woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 't is a milkmaid; yet 't is not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 't is a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel,-which is much in a bare-christian. Here is the cat-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter SPEED. Speed. How now, Signior Launce? what news with your mastership? Laun. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper? Laun.The blackest news that ever thou heard'st. Laun. Why, as black as ink. Laun. Fye on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not read. Speed. Thou liest, I can. Laun. I will try thee: Tell me this: Who begot thee? Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come: try me in thy paper. Speed. Item, She brews good ale. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,"Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale." Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item, She can knit. Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? Speed. Item, She can wash and scour. Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: Read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Speed. She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal. Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her; she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,— Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? SCENE II. The same. [Exit. A Room in the DUKE'S Palace. Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you, Now Valentine is banished from her sight. Thu. Since his exile she hath despised me most, Forsworn my company, and railed at me, That I am desperate of obtaining her. Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure Trenchéd in ice; which with an hour's heat Dissolves to water, and doth lose his form. A little time will melt her frozen thoughts, And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.How now, Sir Proteus? Is your countryman, According to our proclamation, gone? Pro. Gone, my good lord. Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief. Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so. Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee (For thou hast shewn some sign of good desert) Makes me the better to confer with thee. Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Let me not live to look upon your grace. Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord. Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will. Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Duke. Ay, and perversely she persévers so. What might we do, to make the girl forget The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio? Pro. The best way is, to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent; Three things that women highly hold in hate. Duke. Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken By one whom she esteemeth as his friend. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman; Especially against his very friend. Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him, Your slander never can endamage him Pro. You have prevailed, my lord: if I can do it, By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, She shall not long continue love to him. But say this weed her love from Valentine, It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio. Thu.Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, You must provide to bottom it on me: Which must be done by praising me as much As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine. Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind; Because we know, on Valentine's report, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Pro. Say, that upon the altar of her beauty You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart; Visit by night your lady's chamber-window ance. This, or else nothing, will inherit her. Duke. This discipline shews thou hast been in love. Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in prac tice: Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver, To sort some gentlemen well skilled in music: Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper: I killed a man, whose death I much repent; Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1st Out. Have you the tongues? Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable. 3rd Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. 1st Out. We'll have him; sirs, a word. It is an honourable kind of thievery. 2nd Out. Tell us this: Have you anything to take to? Val. Nothing, but my fortune. 3rd Out. Know then, that some of us are gen tlemen, Such as the fury of ungoverned youth 2nd Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood, I stabbed unto the heart. 1st Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these. But to the purpose,-for we cite our faults, 2nd Out. Indeed, because you are a banished man, Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity, |