Imatges de pàgina
PDF
EPUB

7. Never hold any body by the button or the hand, in order to be heard through your story; for if the people are not willing to hear you, you may much better hold your tongue than hold them.

8. Never whisper in company. Conversation is common stock, in which all persons present have a right to claim their share. Always listen when you are spoken to; and never interrupt the speaker.

9. Be not forward in leading the conversation,-this belongs to the oldest person in company. Display your learning only on particular occasions. Never oppose the opinion of another but with great modesty.

10. On all occasions, avoid speaking of yourself, if it is possible. Nothing that we can say of ourselves, will varnish our defects, or add luster to our virtues; but on the contrary, it will often make the former more visible, and the latter, obscure.

11. Be frank, open, and ingenuous, in your behavior; and always look people in the face when you speak to them. Never receive nor retail scandal. In scandal, as in robbery, the receiver is as bad as the thief.

12. Never reflect upon bodies of men, either clergymen, lawyers, physicians, or soldiers; nor upon nations and societies. There are good, as well as bad, in all orders of men, and in all countries.

13. Mimickry is a common and favorite amusement of low minds, but should be despised by all great ones. We should neither practice it ourselves, nor praise it in others.

14. A fool squanders money without credit or advantage to himself, more than a man of sense spends with both. A wise man employs his money, as he does his time; he never spends a dollar of the one, nor a minute of the other, but in something that is either useful or rationally pleasing. The fool buys what he does not want, but does not pay for what he stands in need of.

15. Form no friendships hastily. Study a character well, before you put confidence in the person. Every person is entitled to civility, but very few to confidence. The Spanish proverb says, "Tell me who you live with, and I will tell you who you are." The English say, “ A man is known by the company he keeps."

16. Good-breeding does not consist in low bows, and formal ceremony; but in an easy, civil, and respectful behavior.

17. A well-bred man is polite to every person, but particularly to strangers. In mixed companies, every person who is admitted, is supposed to be on a footing of equality with the rest, and consequently claims very justly every mark of civility.

18. Be very attentive to neatness. The hands, nails, and

teeth should be kept clean. A dirty mouth is not only disagreeable, as it occasions an offensive breath, but almost infallibly causes a decay and loss of teeth.

19. Never put your fingers in your nose or cars,-it is a vulgar rudeness, and an affront to company.

20. Be not a sloven in dress, nor a fop. Let your dress be neat, and as fashionable as your circumstances and convenience will admit. It is said, that a man who is negligent at twenty years of age, will be a sloven at forty, and intolerable at fifty.

21. It is necessary sometimes to be in haste, but always wrong to be in a hurry. A man in a hurry perplexes himself; he wants to do every thing at once, and does nothing at all.

22. Frequent and loud laughter, is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners. It is the manner in which silly people express their joy at silly things.

23. Humming a tune within yourself, drumming with your fingers, making a noise with the feet, whistling, and such awkward habits, are all breaches of good-manners, and indications of contempt for the persons present.

24. When you meet people in the street, or in a public place, never stare them full in the face.

25. When you are in company with a stranger, never begin to question him about his name, his place of residence, and his business. This impudent curiosity is the hight of ill-manners.

26. Some persons apologize, in a good-natured manner, for their inquisitiveness, by an "If I may be so bold;""If I may take the liberty;" or, "Pray, sir, excuse my freedom." These attempts to excuse one's self, imply that a man thinks himself an impudent fellow,-and if he does not, other people think he is, and treat him as such.

27. Above all, adhere to morals and religion, with immovable firmness. Whatever effect outward show and accomplishments may have, in recommending a man to others, none but the good is really happy in himself.

CHAPTER XXXVI.

FAMILY DISAGREEMENTS THE FREQUENT CAUSE OF IM

MORAL CONDUCT.

1. After all our complaints of the uncertainty of human affairs, it is undoubtedly true, that more misery is produced among us by the irregularities of our tempers, than by real misfortunes.

2. And it is a circumstance particularly unhappy, that these irregularities of the temper are most apt to display themselves

at our fire-sides, where every thing ought to be tranquil and

serene.

3. But the truth is, we are awed by the presence of strangers, and are afraid of appearing weak and ill-natured, when we act in sight of the world; and so, very heroically, reserve all our ill-humor for our wives, children, and servants. We are meek, where we might meet with opposition; but feel ourselves undauntedly bold, where we are sure of no effectual resistance.

4. The perversion of the best things converts them to the worst. Home is certainly well adapted to repose and solid enjoyment. Among parents and brothers, and all the tender charities of private life, the gentler affections, which are always attended with feelings purely and permanently pleasurable, find an ample scope for proper exertion.

5. The experienced have often declared, after wearying themselves in pursuing phantoms, that they have found a substantial happiness in the domestic circle. Hither they have returned from their wild excursions in the regions of dissipation, as the bird, after fluttering in the air, descends into her nest, to partake and increase its genial warmth with her young ones.

6. Such and so sweet are the comforts of home, when not perverted by the folly and weakness of man. Indifference, and a carelessness on the subject of pleasing those whom it is our best interest to please, often render it a scene of dullness and insipidity.

7. Happy would it be, if the evil extended no farther. But the transition from the negative state of not being pleased, to positive ill-humor, is but too easy. Fretfulness and peevishness arise, as nettles vegetate, spontaneously, where no salutatary plants are cultivated. One unkind, expression infallibly generates many others. Trifles light as air, are able to kindle the blaze of contention.

8. By frequent conflicts and unreserved familiarity, all that mutual respect which is necessary to preserve love, even in the most intimate connections, is entirely lost; and the faint affection which remains, is too feeble to be felt amid the furious operation of the hateful passions.

9. Farewell peace and tranquillity, and cheerful converse, and all the boasted comforts of the family circle. The nest, which should preserve a perpetual warmth, by the constancy of paternal and conjugal affection, is rendered cold and joyless. In the place of the soft down which should cover it, are substituted thorns and briers.

10. The waters of strife, to make use of the beautiful allusion of scripture, rush in with impetuous violence, and ruffle

and discolor that stream, which, in its natural and undisturbed current, devolves its waters all smooth and limpid.

11. But it is not necessary to expatiate on the misery of family dissension. I mean more particularly to suggest, that family dissension, besides all its own immediate evils, is the fruitful parent of moral misconduct.

12. When the several parts which compose a family, find themselves uneasy in that home which is naturally the seat of mutual enjoyment, they are tempted from the straight road of common prudence, to pursue their happiness through a devious wild of passion and imagination.

13. The son, arrived at years of maturity, who is treated harshly at home, will seldom spend his evenings at the domestic fire-side. If he lives in the city, he will fly for refuge to company; and in the end, it is very probable he will form some unhappy connection, which cannot be continued without a plentiful supply of money.

14. Money, it is probable, cannot be procured. What then remains, but to pursue those methods which unprincipled ingenuity has invented, and which, sooner or later, lead to their proper punishments, pain, shame, and death?

15. But though the consequences are not always such as the operation of human laws produces, yet they are always terrible, and destructive of happiness and virtue.

16. Misery is indeed the necessary result of all deviation from rectitude; but early debauchery, early disease, early profligacy of all kinds, are peculiarly fruitful of wretchedness, as they sow the seeds of misery in the spring of life, when all that is sown takes deep root, and buds, and blossoms, and brings forth fruit in profuse abundance.

17. In the disagreements between children and parents, it is certain that the children are usually the most culpable. Their violent passions and defective experience, render them disobedient and undutiful. Their love of pleasure operates so violently, as often to destroy the source of filial affection.

18. A parent is stung to the heart by the ingratitude of a child. He checks his precipitancy, and perhaps with too little command of temper; for who can always hold the reins? Asperity produces asperity. But the child was the aggressor, and therefore deserves a great part of the misery which ensues.

19. It is, however, certain, that the parent is often imprudent, as well as the child undutiful. He should endeavor to render home agreeable, by gentleness and reasonable indul gence; for man, at every age, seeks to be pleased, but more particularly in the juvenile age.

20. He should indeed maintain his authority; but it should be like the mild dominion of a limited monarch, and not the

iron rule of an austere tyrant. If home is rendered pleasing, it will not be long deserted. The prodigal will soon return, when his father's house is always ready to receive him with joy.

21. What is said of the consequences of domestic disunion to sons, is equally to be applied to daughters. Indeed, as the misconduct of daughters is more fatal to family peace, though perhaps not more hainous in a moral view, particular care should be taken to render them attached to the comforts of the family circle.

22. When their home is disagreeable, they will be ready to make any exchange; and will often lose their characters, virtue, and happiness, in the pursuit of it. Indeed the female character and happiness are so easily injured, that no solicitude can be too great in their preservation. But prudence is necessary in every good cause, as well as zeal; and it is found by experience, that the gentlest method of government, if it is limited and directed by good sense, is the best.

23. It ought indeed to be steady, but not rigid; and every pleasure which is innocent in itself, and in its consequences, ought to be admitted, with a view to render less disagreeable that unwinking vigilance, which a delicate and sensible parent will judge necessary to be used in the care of a daughter.

24. To what wickedness, as well as wretchedness, matrimonial disagreements lead, every day's history will clearly inform

us.

When the husband is driven from his home by a termagant, he will seek enjoyment, which is denied him at home, in the haunts of vice, and in the riots of intemperance. Nor can female corruption be wondered at, though it must be greatly pitied and regretted, when, in the heart of a husband, which love and friendship should warm, hatred is found to rankle.

25. Conjugal infelicity not only renders life most uncomfortable, but leads to desperate dissoluteness and carelessness in manners, which terminate in the ruin of health, peace, and fortune.

26. But it avails little to point out evils, without recommending a remedy. One of the first rules which suggests itself is, that families should endeavor, by often and seriously reflecting on the subject, to convince themselves, that not only the enjoy. ments, but the virtues, of every individual, greatly depend on a cordial union.

It

27. When they are convinced of this, they will endeavor to promote it; and it fortunately happens, that the very wish and attempt of every individual, must infallibly secure success. may, indeed, be difficult to restrain the occasional sallies of temper; but where there is, in the more dispassionate moments, a settled desire to preserve domestic union, the transient violence of passion will not often produce a permanent rupture.

« AnteriorContinua »