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extinguished (at least we fancy it is thrust into your hands a copy of the extinguished) by Lord Palmerston's Phonetic Nuz, together with a basketreading one of its tracts, amid explo- ful of tracts, with which every one sions of laughter, to the House of must be more or less acquainted. Commons. It is almost a pity The society of Vegetarians have tried that the Peace Society is no more. to inveigle him into their ranks, The grand fact with regard to this but without success hitherto - his order of the Peaceful Dove is that sausages and bams are at stake ; the society was in correspondence but he reads the publications of with kings and emperors, and pro- that association with great pleasure, posed to arbitrate for the whole and is glad to partake of their annual world. What a splendid destiny to dinner. The Society for legalising give the law to the potentates of the Marriage with a Deceased (or as it earth—to send deputations to them, is sometimes pronounced-diseased) to pour oil upon the troubled waters Wife's Sister, is another from which -to stand forth masters of the situa- he holds aloof in the mean time, tion. Our friend Joblings, in com- though he has a great number of pany with a mighty cloud of spin- friends among those who are anxious sters and the most pugnacious set of to pass such a measure. So also he men in existence, joined the society, is not interested in the Evangelical and vowed that war should be put Alliance, but he was very sorely down by main force. The Society tempted to join its ranks, when he showed an immense deal of fight heard of the reception which the (how could it do otherwise when members had from the King of patronised by two such men as Mr Prussia. What a chance he missed Cobden and Sir David Brewster ?) there !—he might have spoken to a Its tracts were distributed in enor- king-he might have dined at the mous quantities ; they were stitched king's table—and he joined the Alinto all the magazines and reviews; liance when he heard of that Prussian but we never heard of any greater adventure. He has a still stronger result being produced by it than the objection to the Sabbath Alliance, introduction of Joblings to Mr Cob- which was started in imitation of the den. Cobden said to Joblings, “Warm great Anti-Corn-Law League, with the work here-very hot room ; and expectation that in a few years it Joblings said to Cobden, “Very ’ot, would attain the unparalleled success sir--very 'ot indeed, sir-not so well of that celebrated combination. But wentilated as the 'ouse, I should he has joined the British Anti-State say, sir ;” on the strength of which Church Association, and is, in fact, it is reported in the cheese trade one of the leading men on the comthat “Joblings knows Cobden inti- mittee. It is even supposed that he mate.” In a literary way, the great has himself indited one of the tracts society in which our friend is most issued by the association, for he has interested is that devoted to the always a drawer full of them at hand, revolutionising of the English spell- and distributes them with a knowing ing-book. He cannot for his life wink which seems to indicate that see why words should not be spelt this is the great intellectual effort of
ezactly as they are spoke.” It is a his life-this is the real Stilton. He great idea which has entered into his tried hard to do something for the brain ; and if ever he gets into con- Social Science Association, but it is versation with a literary man, he is to be feared that he obtained assistsure to bring up the anomalies of ance from some friend. This wonEnglish spelling, making a tremen- derful association, which has been dous point of the seven different ways called into existence through the inof pronouncing the syllable “ough” fluence of Lord Broughai – 0 et -as in though, through, plough, præsidium et dulce decus meum–is enough,, cough, hiccough, hough- a peripatetic assemblage for the ento which may be added an eighth, couragement of small talk and the ought. He will tell you that there diffusion of useless gabble. Lord are thirty-seven ways of spelling Brougham, whose life has been spent Shakespeare's name, and he will in useful labours, and of whom we desire to speak with unfeigned vene- that the actual and final result in ration, has been induced to become public appreciation is of this contempthe sponsor of the society, and some tible kind. We should greatly misother men of mark have followed take, if we imagine that literary his example in sharing in its delibe- nonsense is of none effect. There are rations. But the real work of the thousands of persons who cannot association is done by a crush of distinguish good from bad in either insignificants-great men from the style or argument, but can thoroughly parochial point of view, but very understand strong assertions and small, indeed, in the national eye. persistent advice. Besides which, The great man of a vestry, the pet let it be observed that the associaof some discussion forum, the village tions bring an immense amount of orator, and the county pest, all pay personal influence to assist the influtheir guineas, join the association, and ence of print and paper.
As an send to the secretary the papers which example of what may be done in they want to read. It is a grand this way, let us instance the efforts opportunity to get that printed which of the British League of Juvenile would never be printed otherwise ; Abstainers, which “ desires to do all it is a chance not to be despised, that in humble dependence on the blessing of standing up before Lord Brougham, of God, and with singleness of puror Lord Shaftesbury, or Lord John pose to glorify Him in whatever is Russell, or Sir John Pakington, as done." This league, in addition to the chairman of some department of little books and tracts adapted to the the association, and bestowing all infant mind, goes to work somewhat their tediousness on these lights of in this way. It held, in Edinburgh the British Senate. It was for this alone, during the year 1850, the august association of aspiring states- following meetings :-— 31 children's men that our friend Joblings prepared abstinence meetings every week, from a report “On the Use and Abuse 5.30 to 6.30 in the evening — that of Liquid Manure, with especial re- is, 1612 in the course of the year; ference to the æsthetics of Farming 11 young men’s abstinence meetings and the Rearing of Pigs," which he every week from 8 till 9.45 in the read to three people—the vice-deputy- evening ; 6 young women's abstinence assistant chairman of the department, meetings every week at the same the honorary under-secretary, and his hour; 2 young men's mutual improvekind friend and bottle-holder, Mr ment classes every week ; and again Perigord Smith. It was announced at the same hour, 3 young men's the next day that Mr Joblings read Sabbath morning meetings for prayer an able paper on the happy effects and studying the Bible; 1 young of liquid manure to the Association women's Sabbath evening class for a for the Promotion of Social Science, similar purpose; 2 children's Sabbath and that the secretary begged to have evening schools ; 1 prayer-meeting on an abstract of the paper to be pub- the third Wednesday of each month. lished among the Transactions of the Here is evidence of not a little acSociety. Joblings has thereby taken tivity-about 3000 meetings held in rank as an embryo-legislator, and one year in one town by a single his soul soars above the vulgar care association. These are the sort of of weal and ’am.pies into the empy- efforts that bear fruit, and especially rean of metropolitan sewers and par- when backed by the reckless asserliamentary representation.
tions and tremendous dogmatism of If there be any approach to accu- the tract-writers. In one pamphlet, racy in the foregoing account of the written by the notorious James Silk organisation out of which the tract Buckingham, in the interest of the literature of the country proceeds, it Alliance for the imposition of a Maine will readily be understood that the Liquor Law, we are told, that“among printed results must be very nearly the many remarkable changes of a equivalent to what is expressed in reformatory character which, from though the literary result is of this mankind to the presence of some character, it by no means follows great existing Evil, and aroused their dormant energies to a combined effort precious bottle, which, like that of the for its suppression,” there is nothing conjuror, proves to be the inexhaustsince the first preaching of the Gos- ible source of anything you please. pel to be compared with the Teetotal They have a knack of weeping, and, mission, which, whether we regard as if by a kind of drunken sympathy, the extent of the evil it had to grap- they are mighty in maudlin. 'Here ple with, the rapidity of its progress, is one of their tearful tales, copied the number of its advocates, the per- from an American newspaper, the manency of their convictions, or the scene occurring in that Goshen of the good which it has effected, can only true Israel-the State of Maine. A be compared with the spread of Chris- boy is taken to the court to give evi. tianity and the founding of the Church. dence against a rum-seller. “ Have This is the model style for tracts. It you ever bought rum of this man ?” is always made out in the tracts that says the attorney for the prosecution. the precise movement which they are -“Yes, sir." As many as ten or a set on foot to advance, is the move- dozen times ?”_“Yes, sir.” “How ment of the age, the grand question much did you give for it ?”—“Fifty of all time, the only subject worth cents.” “Do you mean to say that attending to. It is a point, for ex- you bought rum of this man as many ample, with the advocates of total as ten or a dozen times ?” asks the abstinence to prove that drunkenness counsel for the defence.—“Yes, sir.” is the root of all evil. The Apostle The question is repeated, the lawyer said that money is the root of all looking the boy sternly in the face, evil ; the teetotallers say that gin is and the answer is, “Yes, sir.” “On the real enemy.
In one of their what day did you buy it?” The day tracts they even venture to demon- is told. “Did you ever buy rum of strate that drunkenness is the great this man on a Sunday?”—“Yes, sir.” source of that social evil which is the “For whom did you buy it.”—“ For besetting sin of our large towns. Do my father," says the boy. Does the away with drunkenness and you do reader weep? Is he feeling for his away with prostitution. "The only pocket-handkerchief? If not, he is “
? remedy that will avail is the over- a hardened wretch ; for the comment throw of the liquor traffic of this of the editor on this judicial scene iscountry. Take away the cause, and “The jury were in tears, and did not the effect will soon disappear.” The leave their seats in order to make up advocates of temperance do not find
the verdict. We can only pray : Oh, it convenient to take a broad survey Lord, let the skirts of our garments of mankind, when they would find be clear of the rum-traffic in the great that the two devils do not generally day of reckoning." This, we believe, coexist in the same country with is what in literary criticism is called equal power; that the drunken na- spasmodic, and in theatrical criticism, tions are generally distinguished for melodramatic. It is the expression the domestic virtues, and those which,
ong sentiment without a suflike the French, have a reputation ficient cause : it is feeling without a for social license, are distinguished base of reality. If people go off into for their sobriety. Sobriety and in- the melting mood, and waste away in trigue-drunkenness and morality- tears when they learn that a little these are the combinations which boy bought rum for his father on a we most frequently find in history. Sunday, what is to become of them Only it is a necessity of the tee- before the greater calamities of life! total apostles that they should If they die away at sight of the befather upon the bottle every crime ginnings of wrong-what shall they and every failing of humanity. If do when they see the end ? When a man quarrels with his wife-it melodrama fails the tract-writers, must be the bottle ; if he forges dock- they then turn to another theatrical warrants-it must be the black bot- trick, and get up pantomime. There
tle ; if he lays open the forehead of is no limit to the ingenuity of these a wealthy merchant--it must be the tract-writers ; they are nearly as inbottle ; and the advocates of tem- ventive as the poet of Moses. Here perance put all their tears into the is the specimen of an introduction to
a pantomime, which we strongly re- Helm of State to guide her, with the commend to Mr E. T. Smith.
Patent Propeller-Public Opinion-and an important (Maine) Spring.
will be made from the rags of the Liquor “ MORE VOLUNTEERS WANTED
Traffic, of which there is an abundant For the Belhaven and Westbarns Total Absti- supply. She will be well provisioned; she nence and Maine Law Loyal Artillery. carries neither red-hot shell, nor shot, nor
. Fire-water;' but a good store of Burn"To assist in carrying on the SIEGE, and the FORTRESS
ing Words to convince the enemies of the of SE-DRUNKOPOL, situated on the Shores of the BLACK SEA of INTEM.
“She will sail as soon as ready, from the PERANCE, in which Sixty Thousand of quay of Delirium Tremens and Harbour of Her Majesty's Subjects die every year
Drunkenness ; passing the Point of Penal
Servitude and Rock of Offence, through through the cruel treatment inflicted on
the Straits of Prison Discipline; crossing them by the CZAR of all the Alcoholians.
the Gulf of Pauperism and Crime ; dou“The FORTRESS of SE-DRUNKOPOL bling Cape Wrath ; and leaving the mounhas hitherto been considered impregnable. tain of Evil Council in the distance; thence It is at present commanded by the fol
she will proceed on her voyage to the lowing Generals : - The Grand Duke
island of Self-defence, which is situate in BRANDY-OFF, Prince RUM-INOFF, the Northern Ocean of Common Sense, Generals WHISKY-OFF, PORTER-OFF, where she will take on board an immense and BEER-OFF.
number of Allies that are to be awaiting “It is proposed to BOMBARD FORT
her arrival. They will be fully equipped, SAINT MODERATION with Shells and having their feet shod with the truth of Red Hot Shot. FORT DRUNKARD. their cause, and furnished with the helmet MAKER is to be Stormed and Carried at
of faith and love, the breastplate of hope, the point of the Maine-Law Bayonet. The
the shield of charity, and the sword of Storming party will be led by General perseverance, and girt about with might; PATRIOTISM and General PROGRESS. and it is expected that with such a fine
army on board she will be enabled to steer "N.B. - Volunteers of both Sexes are
her course safely and surely to the desired invited to join the Regiment. The haven of heroism of Joan of Arc, the Maid of Saragossa, is as much wanted as that of a
*NO LIQUOR TRAFFIC!' Naysmith at Silistria, or a Campbell at
which is situate in that beautiful and exBalaklava.
GOOD-WILL-TO-MEN. Come from your cottage homes, plundered and cheerless,
Captain Mr GREATHEART. Tell makers of drunkards who deal in thy Pilot...... Mr SKILFUL. blood,
“N.B. One Shilling, and upwards, is reThat thy arm it is strong, and thy heart it is fearless,
quired to secure a berth, which may be And worthy the land of the mountain and had on board, or at the Office, in Manflood.'
chester, or at any of the Auxiliaries
throughout the United Kingdom. “Rush to the Rescue !-Down with the Tyranny of Intemperance.
“Early application is advisable as the
berths are being rapidly filled up." « Volunteers will be enrolled in the above Gallant Corps at the Committee Rooms, In so far as these efforts are honest Belhaven, every Wednesday evening be- and disinterested, it is our desire to tween the hours of 7 and 8 o'clock."
speak of them with respect, even It would seem that this sort of while differing entirely from the obthing proves effective, and strikes the ject which the promoters have in fancies of good steady-going people, view. But it is impossible not to see for it is a very favourite weapon in that, under the name of philanthropic the hands of the tract-writers. Here endeavour, there is an
enormous is another example of the style.
amount of self-seeking and mere
anxiety to gain a living. Mr Buck“SPLENDID VESSEL.
ingham may have been a most
disinterested apostle, but his pamIMPORTANT TO INTENDING EMIGRANTS. phlet on the History of the Tem
perance Reformation, from which THE Largest Vessel ever built ; capable
we have quoted an extract, is made of containing all the inhabitants of the vehicle for announcing all the Great Britain and Ireland, and named works, amounting to more than
*THE UNITED KINGDOM ALLIANCE!' a hundred volumes, for which the She is of peculiar build, having the Horn author is responsible, and the vast of Plenty for her figure-head, and the number of subjects on which he is
prepared to lecture to a discerning thou whose heart is a well of love, and and paying public. So, a series of whose eyes are fountains of tearsillustrated handbills printed on straw thou of the philanthropic purse, and paper, and composed on such sub- with the fine appetite for charity-dinjects as the Sabbath, the Bible, Tem- ners at the London Tavern - thou perance, Kindness to Animals, Smok- canst well understand what schemes ing, Lying, and Swearing, was pub- of glorious usefulness passed in vision lished by a London house in the before the mind of that pale prophet usual way. The “Christian” news- of a new religion. Should Secularpapers and association periodicals ism be made to feed the starving or puff it in this style, which gives an to clothe the hungry-to teach those inkling of the kind of persecution who die for lack of knowledge, or to which many worthy people delight refine those who live like the brutes to inflict on their neighbours, as well for want of love ? No; there is a as an idea of the unmitigated puff :- grander object still : it should be
made to establish Mr Holyoake in "• Wonders never cease.'
An assorted Package of illustrated hand-bills, printed business. We are not jesting; we on paper made from straw, for sixpence.
are not stating mere inferences; we The friends of peace, temperance, and the are talking in the most matter-ofsanctity of the Lord's day, when travelling fact style. "What has Secularism or visiting the country or sea-side, may done ?” says Mr Holyoake ; and his preach mauy a pithy sermon without opening their lips, by putting these bills in the reply is, that it must establish a news hands of those who to need the and book agency conducted by himpointed instruction which they contain. self. It will not do to be eternally They are dressed, too, for the most purt, in talking. “Lecturing has been styled the pleasing costume of the anecdote; and stump oratory by one who has a keen the pictures, whether representing the donkey, the tinker, or the gentleman, are to the life.'
eye to distinguish between fleeting
and permanent agencies,” and eviThe grandest thing, however, which dently its effect is but small. Somehas been done in the way of turn- thing must be done ; “it is with ing a cause into a trade was ef- these practical views,” says Mr Holyfected by one whom Lord Stanley oake, “ that we seek to make opinion quoted as an authority the other a power; and the first means we day in the Reform Bill debate- take is the institution of a more sysMr G. J. Holyoake, the apostle of tematic diffusion of books, newspaSecularism. He calls it the raising pers, and periodicals, than before. of a trade into a profession ; but Bookselling and news
- agency have however the deed may Þe described, hitherto been a trade; we think it its character is stamped upon it un- might be elevated to a profession and mistakably. What Secularism really a catholic propagandism. He who is it does not much concern our read intelligently, and with a moral purers to know. It is one of the many pose, diffuses knowledge, is only forms, and really the most vulgar second to him who creates it. The form, of the infidelity of the day. news-agent is only second to the lecUnfortunately, Secularism was not a turer in public usefulness. It is paying concern ; it had its meetings, to little purpose that the author its lectures, its tracts, its periodical, thinks, or the journalist writes, its reprints, its subscriptions, its con- or the lecturer speaks, unless the trolling spirit-but, sad to tell, the bookseller and news-agent act in cash was slow of coming, nobody was concert. They are co-workers in any the better for it, and people were the creation of public opinion." It asking, What is the use of all this is with this sublime object that talk? A bright idea flashed across the news and book-agency was to the soul of Mr George Jacob Holy- be started— Catholic propagandism. oake, who was himself the soul of Se. What Catholic propagandism means cularism. It won't do, said Mr Holy- will be gathered from the following oake. Secularism is doing nothing. exposition : "The difficulty experiIt must do something. What can it enced more or less in so many towns, be made to do? Ah, reader ! thou especially in small towns, in procurof ardent soul and sensitive nature- ing works, periodicals, and news