SCENE IV..

Changes to a Street in London.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, with his Page bearing his fword and buckler.

Fal.

IRRAH, you, giant! what says the doctor to my water?

SIRR

Page. He faid, Sir, the water itself was a good healthy water. But for the party that own'd it, he might have more difeafes than he knew for.

Fal. Men of all forts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded-clay, Man, is not able to invent any thing that tends to laughter, more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the, caufe that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee, like a fow, that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put thee into my fervice for any other reafon than to let me off, why, then I have no judgment. Thou whorefon mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap, than to wait at my heels. I was never mann'd with an agot till now: but I will fet you neither in gold nor filver, but in vile apparel, and fend you back again to your mafter, for a jewel: The Juvenal, the Prince your mafter! whofe chin is not yet fledg'd; I will fooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand, then he shall get one on his cheek; yet he will not ftick to fay, his face is a face-royal. Heav'n may finish it when it will, it is not a hair amifs yet he may keep it ftill as a face-royal, for a barber fhall never earn fixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing, as if he had writ man ever fince his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he is almoft out of mine, I can affure him. What faid Mr. Dombleden, about the fatten for my fhort cloak and flops?

Page.

Page. He faid, Sir, you fhould procure him better afsurance than Bardolph: he would not take his bond and yours, he lik'd not the fecurity.

Fal. Let him be damn'd like the Glutton, may his tongue be hotter! a whorefon Achitophel, a rafcally yea-forfooth-knave, to bear a gentleman in hand, and then ftand upon fecurity! the whorefon fmooth-pates do now wear nothing but high fhoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles: and if a man is thorough with them in honeft taking up, then they muft ftand upon fecurity: I had as lief they would put rats-bane in my mouth, as offer to stop it with fecurity. I looked he fhould have sent me two and twenty yards of fatten, as I am a true Knight, and he fends me Security. Well, he may fleep in fecurity, for he hath the horn of abundance. And the lightness of his wife fhines through it, and yet cannot he fee, though he have his own lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph ? Page. He's gone into Smithfield to buy your Worfhip a horfe.

Fal. I bought him in Paul's and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield. If I could get me but a wife in the Stews, I were mann'd, hors'd, and wiv'd.

Enter Chief Justice, and Servants.

Page. Sitted the Prince for ftriking him, about IR, here comes the Nobleman that com

Bardolph.

Fal. Wait clofe, I will not fee him.

Ch. Juft. What's he that goes there?
Serv, Falstaff, an't please your lordship.

Ch. Juft. He that was in queftion for the robbery ? Serv. He, my lord. But he hath fince done good fervice at Shrewsbury: and, as I hear, is now going with fome charge to the lord John of Lancaster.

Ch. Juft.

Ch. Juft. What to York? call him back again.
Serv. Sir John Falstaff,

Fal. Boy, tell him I am deaf.

Page. You must speak louder, my mafter is deaf. Ch. Juft. I am fure, he is, to the hearing of any thing good. Go pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.

Serv. Sir John

Fal. What! a young knave and beg! are there not wars? is there not employment? doth not the King lack Subjects? do not the Rebels need foldiers? though it be a shame to be on any fide but one, it is worse fhame to beg, than to be on the worst side, were it worse than the name of Rebellion can tell how to make it.

Serv. You mistake me, Sir.

Fal. Why, Sir, did I fay you were an honest man? fetting my knight-hood and my foldiership aside, I had lied in my throat, if I had faid fo.

Serv. I pray you, Sir, then fet your knight-hood and your foldiership afide, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honeft man.

Fal. I give thee leave to tell me fo? I lay afide That, which grows to me? if thou gett'ft any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak'ft leave, thou wert better be hang'd: you hunt-counter, hence; avaunt. Serv. Sir, my lord would speak with you.

Ch. Juft. Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

Fal. My good lord! God give your lordship good time of day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad; I heard fay, your lordfhip was fick. I hope, your lordship goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not clean paft your youth, hath yet fome fmack of age in you: fome relish of the faltness of time; and I moft humbly befeech your lordship, to have a reverend care of your health.

Ch. Juft.

Ch. Juft. Sir John, I fent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury,

Fal. If it pleafe your lordship, I hear, his Majesty is return'd with fome difcomfort from Wales.

Ch. Juft. I talk not of his Majefty: you would not come when I fent for you;

Fal. And I hear moreover, his Highnefs is fallen into this fame whorefon apoplexy.

Ch. Juft. Well, heav'n mend him! I pray, let me fpeak with you.

Fal. This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, an't please your lordship, a kind of fleeping in the blood, a whorefon tingling.

Ch. Juft. What tell you me of it? be it, as it is. Fal. It hath its original from much grief; from tudy and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of it in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.

Ch. Juft. I think, you are fallen into that disease: for you hear not what I fay to you.

Fal. Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an't please you, it is the disease of not lift'ning, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled withal.

Ch. Juft. To punish you by the heels, would amend the attention of your ears; and I care not if I do become your physician.

Fal. I am as poor as Job, my lord, but not so patient: your lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to me, in respect of poverty; but how I Thould be your Patient to follow your prefcriptions, the wife may make some dram of a scruple, or, indeed, a fcruple itself.

Ch. Juft. I fent for you, when there were matters against you for your life, to come fpeak with me. Fal. As I was then advis'd by my Counsel learned in the laws of this land-service, I did not come. Ch. Juft. Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy.

Fal.

Fal. He that buckles him in my belt, cannot live in lefs.

Ch. Just. Your means are very flender, and your wafte is great.

Fal. I would it were otherwife: I would, my means were greater, and my wafte flenderer.

Ch. Juft. You have mif-led the youthful Prince. Fal. The young Prince hath mif-led me. I am the fellow with the great belly, and he my dog.

Ch. Juft. Well, I'm loth to gall a new-heal'd wound; your day's fervice at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded over your night's exploit on Gads-hill. You may thank the unquiet time, for your quite o'er-pofting that action.

Fal. My lord

Ch. Juft. But fince all is well, keep it fo: wake not a fleeping Wolf.

Fal. To wake a Wolf, is as bad as to fmell a Fox. Ch. Juft. What? you are as a candle, the better part burnt out.

Fal. A waffel candle, my lord; all tallow but if I did fay of wax, my growth would approve the

truth.

Ch. Juft. There is not a white hair on your face, but should have his effect of gravity.

Fal. His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy.

Ch. Juft. You follow the young Prince up and down, like his ill angel.

Fal. Not fo, my lord, your angel is light; but I hope, he that looks upon me, will take me without weighing; and yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go -Iycannot tell; Virtue is of fo little regard in these cofter-mongers' days, that true valour is turned bear-herd. Pregnancy is made a tapster, and hath his quick wit wafted in giving reckonings; all the other gifts appertinent to man, as the malice of this age fhapes them, are not worth a goose-berry.

You,