THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. 899 [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER Quick. Speak to mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do, Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, I must advance the colours of my love, And not retire: Let me have your good will. Anne. Good mother do not marry me to yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Gooa master Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy: My daughter will I question how she loves you, And as I find her, so am I affected; 'Till then, farewell, Sir:-She must needs go in; Her father will be angry. [Exeunt Mistress PAGE and ANNE. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing, now ;-Nay, said will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on master Fenton :-this is my doing. Sten. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my, uncle can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire. Shal. He will maintain you like a gentle woman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail,+ under the degree of a 'squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you, Anne. Now, master Slender. Slen. My will?od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise. Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, master Slender :-Love daughter Anne. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy pains. [Exit. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune ! A kind heart he hath a woman would ruu through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses; What a beast am I to slack † it? [Exit. SCENE V-A Room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Here, Sir. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARD.] Have I lived to be earried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter; and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; him, if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Why, how now! what does master Fenton here ? You wrong me, Sir, thus still to haunt my house: tleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine | special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's there at hand, bethink you of some conveyance : in the house you cannot hide him.-Oh! how have you deceived me !-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking; Or, it is whiting-to-morrow eight o'clock, to have amends. time, send him by your two men to Datchet mead. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in ;-follow your friend's counsel;-l' in. Mrs. Page. What! Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: Call your men, mistress Ford :—You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, Joan, Robert, John ! [Exit | ROBIN Re-enter SERVANTS.] Go, take up these clothes here, quickly: Where's the cowl-staff?+ look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet mead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buckwashing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear.[Exeunt Servants with the basket.]Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out : I'll warrant, we'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first :-So, now uncape. § Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Eart. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this ? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived or Sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket ? Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Re-enter FORD, Page, Caius, and Sir Huou Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts? Ford. Amen. Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment ! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner :Come, come, walk in the park; I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this,-Come, wife ;-come, mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'H a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: Shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de turd. Eva. In your teeth for shame. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. SCENE IV.—A Room in PAGE's House. Fent. Why, thou must be thyself. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal; II seek to heal it only by his wealth: Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath some Besides these, other bars he lays before me,—— Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come! Albeit, I will confess thy father's wealth Anne. Gentle, master Fenton, Yet seek my father's love: still seek it, Sir: Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice. O what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! [Aside. Quick. And how does good master Fenton ? Pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father! Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire. weman. Sten. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'squire. yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good master Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy: My daughter will I question how she loves you, And as I find her, so am I affected; 'Till then, farewell, Sir:-She must needs go in; Her father will be angry. [Exeunt Mistress PAGE and ANNE. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing, now ;-Nay, said I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on master Fenton :-this is my doing. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy pains. [Exit. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! Shal. He will maintain you like a gentle-A kind heart he hath a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses; What a beast am I to slack † it? Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you, Anne. Now, master Slender. Sten. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise. Anne. I meaa, master Slender, what would you with me? Sten. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, master Slender :-Love him, daughter Anne. Why, how now! what does master Fenton here ? You wrong me, Sir, thus still to haunt my house : [Exit. SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Here, Sir. Ful. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARD.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter; and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abbor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter BARDOLPH, with the wine. Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, Sir, to speak with you. Fal. Come let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow balls for pills to cool the reins. Call ber in. Bard. Come in, woman. searched it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, bilt to point, heel to head and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that, as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horseshoe; think of that ;-hissing hot,—think of that, master Brook. Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough I was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full-a man of my kidney,-think of that; that am of ford. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men: they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. Quick. Well, she laments, Sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her busband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly she'll make you amends, I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: Tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Ford. In good sadness, + Sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I have received from her another Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is thou? Quick. Eight and nine, Sir. Fal. Well, be gone: 1 will not miss her. Quick. Peace be with you, Sir! [Exit. Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within; I like his money well. O here he comes. Enter FORD. Ford. Bless you, Sir! Fal. Now, master Brook? you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business. Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; was at her house the hour she appointed me. Ford. And how speed you, Sir? Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, Sir? Did she change her determination? Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornuto, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the ustant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our coniedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love. Ford. What, while you were there? Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you? Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into buck-basket. Ford. A buck-basket! Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever offended nostril. the hour, master Brook. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, Sir. Fal. Is it I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your en joying her; Adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Erit. Ford. Hum! ba! is this a vision is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this I'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets !-Well, 1 will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house: be cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he can. not creep into a halfpenny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame : if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be born mad. [Exit. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall hear master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door; who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket: I quaked for fear lest the lunatic knave would have • Cups. ACT IV. SCENE 1.-The Street. Enter Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. QUICKLY, and think'st thou. sently: but truly, he is very courageous § mad, Quick. Sure, he is by this; or will be preabout his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. but bring my young man here to school: Look, Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. How now, Sir Hugh? no school to-day! to play. Eva. No; master Slender is let the boys leave Quick. Blessing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him some questions in his accidence. • Bilboa, where the best blades are made. + Seriousness. * Make myself ready. Outrageous, Will. Lapis. What is he, Eva. That is good, William. William, that does lend articles ? Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc. Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog: pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: Well, what is your ac cusative case? Will. Accusativo, hinc. Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; Accusativo, hing, hang, hog. Quick. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Eva. Leave you prabbles, 'oman. focative case, William ? Will. O-Vovativo, O. What is the Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, Peer out, peer out! + that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs, Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, is is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion: but I am giad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will Eva. Remember, William; focative is, caret. be here anon. Eva. 'Oman, forbear. Mrs. Page. Peace. Mrs. Ford. I am undone !-the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then you are utterly shamed, Eva. What is your genitive case plural, Wil- and he's but a dead man. What a woman are liam ? Will. Genitive case? Eva. Ay. Will. Genitive,-horum, haram, horum. Quick. 'Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! never name her child, if she be a whore. Eva. For shame 'oman. Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum :-fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee hold thy peace. Era. Show me now, William, some sions of your pronouns. you?-Away with him, away with him; better shame than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May I not go out, ere he come? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do ?—I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always use to disdeclen-charge their birding-pieces: Creep into the kiln hole. Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod; if you forget your kies, your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. Eva. He is a good sprag + memory. Farewell, mistress Page. Mrs. Puge. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. [Erit Sir HUGH. Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay too long. [Exeunt. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will seek there on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his note: There is no hiding you in the house. Fal. I'll go out then. Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised, Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape. Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word it will serve him; • Mad fits. + As children call on a snail to push forth his horns. Short note of |