"When I grow up, I'll be a man, won't I?" asked a little boy of his mother. "Yes, my son; bat.if you want to be a man you must be industrious at school and learn how to behave yourself." "Why, mamma, do the lazy boys turn out to be women when they grow up?"

A tailor was startled the other day by the return of a bill which he had sent to an editor, with a notice that the 'manuscript was respectfully declined."

Little Freddie was talking to his grandma, who was something of a skeptic. "Grandma, do you belong to the Presbyterian church?" "No." "To the Baptist?" "No." "To any church?" "No." "Well, grandma, don't you think it's about time you was getting in somewhere?"

A lady purchased a nice new door mat the other morning with the word "Welcome" stamped thereon in glowing letters, and the first man who came and pianted his number elevens on it was a tramp.

"The bees are swarming, and there's no end of them," said the farmer Jones, coming into the house. His little boy George came in a second afterward and said there was an end to one of 'em, anyhow, and it was red hot, too.

The man who fills "a long-felt void,"-The dentist.

A scientific journal explains in a long article, “How thunder storms come up." We haven't read the article, but we know how they come up. They wait until the Sundayschool picnic reaches the grove and gets fairly to business at Copenhagen, swinging, flirtation, croquet and other innocent games, and then they come up like thunder and lightning. It takes the average thunder storm not more than ten minutes to come up in the neighborhood of a picnic.

"Did you observe that woman?" said a gentleman to his companion, as a sharp-featured female swept haughtily by them. The friend nodded to indicate that he had observed her. "Well, I'm indebted to her for the chief happiness of my life." "Indeed; I can imagine the gratitude you feel toward her." "No you can't; only her present husband can do that. Ten years ago I asked her hand in marriage, and she refused me."

Philosophers say that closing the eyes makes the sense of hearing more acute. A wag suggests that this accounts for the many eyes that close in our churches on Sunday.

Wife, just returned from a shopping tour: "Come and see what I have got for you, Eugene." Eugene.-" Ah, just like you, darling, always thinking of me!" He advances as his wife removes the wrapping and exposes some fine drawings from a neighboring marble yard. Husband starts back and exclaims, excitedly: "Gracious, Laura, what did you bring these things here for?" Thoughtful wife.-" Well, Eugene, I heard you complain of feeling unwell this morning and I thought you would like to look at some tomb-stone patterns." If a dime with a hole in it is worth five cents, a dime with two holes in it ought to be worth ten cents.

A wicked man has been getting a dollar apiece from simple-minded farmers by sending them through the mail, for one dollar, a "recipe" to prevent pumps from freezing on cold nights. The answer to the farmers' letters was : "Take them in doors over night."

"I don't like that cat; it's got splinters in its feet!" was the excuse of a four-year-old for throwing the kitten away, A gentleman ordering a box of candles, said he hoped they would be better than the last. The dealer said he was very sorry to hear them complained of. Why," said the other," they are very well till about half burnt down, but after that they will burn no longer."

66

How quietly flows the river to the sea, yet it always gets there. This is a good point to remember when you are trying to rush things.

SUPPLEMENT TO

One Hundred Choice Selections, No. 7

CONTAINING

SENTIMENTS For Public Occasions;

WITTICISMS For Home Enjoyment;

LIFE THOUGHTS For Private Reflection;
FUNNY SAYINGS For Social Pastime, &c.

Pope.

Shakspeare.

Fortune in men has some small difference made:
One flaunts in rags, one flutters in brocade;
The cobbler aproned, and the parson gowned,
The friar hooded, and the monarch crowned.
'Tis the mind that makes the body rich:
And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,
So honor peereth in the meanest habit.
Oh ye who teach the ingenious youth of nations,
Holland, France, England, Germany or Spain,
I pray ye flog them upon all occasions:
It mends their morals, never mind the pain.
Delightful task! to rear the tender thought,
To teach the young idea how to shoot;
To pour the fresh instruction o'er the mind,
To breathe the enlivening spirit, and to fix

Byron.

Herbert.

The generous purpose in the glowing breast. Thomson.
Envy not greatness; for thou mak'st thereby
Thyself the worse; and so the distance greater.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones.

Example is a living law, whose sway
Men more than all the written laws obey.
Wrongs do not leave off where they begin,
But still beget new mischiefs in their course.

Shakspeare.

Daniel.

It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more upon a man than he can bear. Worry is rust upon the blade. It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but the friction. Fear secretes acids; but love and trust are sweet juices. Beecher.

If human progress means anything, it means the enjoy ment of the highest privileges and immunities of existence by all; it means a fair field for every man to pursue that line of thought and action which his own individuality directs, and which, to him, is the purpose of his being.

Stebbins. Every man has the secret of becoming rich who resolves to live within his means; and independence is one of the most effectual safeguards of honesty.

Toil, feel, think, hope. A man is sure to dream enough before he dies without making arrangements for the purpose. Sterling.

It is better to be the builder of our own name than to be indebted by descent for the proudest gifts known to the books of heraldry.

Ballou.

Anger is the most impotent passion that accompanies the mind of man. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the man who is possessed by it more than any other against whom it is directed.

Clarendon.

Those we call the ancients were really new in everything.

Pascal.

Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable; however, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable.

Chesterfield. Learning makes a man fit company for himself as well as others.

Friendship is supported by nothing artificial; it depends upon reciprocity of esteem.

Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable. La Fontaine.

The eye speaks with an eloquence and truthfulness surpassing speech. It is the window out of which the winged thoughts often fly unwittingly. It is the tiny magic mirror on whose crystal surface the moods of feeling fitfully play, like the sunlight and shadow on a still stream.

Tuckerman.

What is this world! Thy school, O misery!

Our only lesson is to learn to suffer;

And he who knows not that was born for nothing. Young. 'Tis better to be lowly born,

And range with humble livers in content,
Than to be peaked up with a glistering grief,
And wear a golden sorrow.

Truth crushed to earth, shall rise again,
The eternal years of God are hers;
But error, wounded, writhes in pain,
And dies among his worshippers.

The sense of death is most in apprehension;
And the poor beetle that we tread upon,
In corporal sufferance finds a pang as great
As when a giant dies.

Our early days! How often back

We turn, on life's bewildering track,
To where, o'er hill and valley, plays
The sunlight of our early days.

Who needs a teacher to admonish him

Bryant.

Shakspeare.

That flesh is grass? That earthly things are mist?
What are our joys but dreams? And what our hopes,
But goodly shadows in the summer cloud?

There's not a wind that blows, but bears with it
Some rainbow promise. Not a moment flies,

But puts its sickle in the fields of life,

And mows its thousands, with their joys and cares.
Express thyself in plain, not doubtful words,
That ground for quarrels or disputes affords.

It is success that colors all in life;

Denham.

Success makes fools admired, makes villains honest.

All the proud virtue of this vaunting world
Fawns on success and power, howe'er acquired.

Oh too convincing-dangerously dear

In woman's eye the unanswerable tear.

The world's a stormy sea

Thomson.

Byron.

Whose every breath is strewed with wrecks of wretches That daily perish in it.

Anger is like

A full hot horse, who being allowed his way,

Rowe.

Self-mettle tires him.

Shakspeare.