(Ob Heav'n, a Brute, that wants Difcourfe of Reason, Would have mourn'd longer) married with mine (Uncle! My Father's Brother! but no more like my Father, But break, my Heart; for I must hold my Tongue. THE feveral Emotions of Mind, and Breaks of Paffion, in this Speech, are admirable. He has touched every Circumftance that aggravated the Fact, and feemed capable of hurrying the Thoughts of a Son into Distraction. His Father's Tenderness for his Mother, expreffed in fo delicate a Particular; his Mother's Fondness for his Father no less exquifitely defcribed; the great and amiable Figure of his dead Parent drawn by a true Filial Piety; his Difdain of founworthy a Succeffor to his Bed: But above all, the Shortnefs of the Time between his Father's Death and his Mother's fecond Marriage, brought together with fo much Difor der, make up as noble a part as any in that celebrated Tragedy. The Circumftance of Time I never could enough admire. The Widowhood had lafted two Months. This is his firft Reflection: But, as his Indignation rifes, he finks to scarce two Months: Afterwards into a Month; and at last, into a little Month: But all this fo naturally, that the Reader accompanies him in the Violence of his Paffion, and finds the Time leffen infenfibly, according to the different Workings of his Difdain. I have not mentioned the Inceft of her Marriage, which is fo obvious a Provocation; but can't forbear taking Notice, that when his Fury is at its Height, he cries, Frailty, thy Name is Woman! As railing at the Sex in general, rather than giving himself Leave to think his Mother worfe than others.-Defiderantur multa. Whereas Mr. Jeffrey Groggram has furrendered himself by his Ler. er bearing Date November 7. and has fent an Acknowledgement that he is dead, praying an Order to the Com Company of Upholders for Interment at fuch a reasonable Rate as may not impoverish his Heirs. The faid Groggram having been dead ever fince he was born, and added nothing to his Small Patrimony, Mr. Bickerstaff has taken the Premiffes into Confideration; and being fenfible of the ingenuous and fingular Behaviour of his Petitioner, pronounces the faid Jeffrey Groggram a live Man, and will not fuffer that he fhould bury himself out of M.defty; but requires him to remain among the Living, as an Example to thofe obfinate dead Men, who will neither Labour for Life, nor go to their Grave. N. B. Mr. Groggram is the firft Perfon that has come in upon Mr. Bickerstaff's Dead Warrant. Florinda demands by her Letter of this Day to be allowed to pafs for a living Woman, having danced the Derby. hire Hornpipe in the Prefence of feveral Friends on Saturday last. Granted: Provided he can bring Proof, that she can make a Pudding on the 24th Inftant. ABOUT Four this Afternoon, which is the Hour I usually put my felf in a Readiness to receive Company, there entered a Gentleman who I believe at first came upon fome ordinary Question; but as he approached nearer to me, I faw in his Countenance a deep Sorrow, mixed with a certain ingenuous Complacency that gave me a fudden Good-will towards him. He ftar'd, and betrayed an Abfence of Thought as he was going to communicate his Bufinefs to me. But at last, recovering recovering himself, he said, with an Air of great Refpect, Sir, It would be an Injury to your Knowledge in the Occult Sciences, to tell you what is my Diftrefs; I dare fay, you read it in my Countenance: I therefore beg your Advice to the most unhappy of all Men, Much Experience has made me particularly fagacious in the Difcovery of Distempers, and I foon faw that his was Love. I then turned to my Common-Place-Book, and found his Cafe under the Word Coquet; and reading o-ver the Catalogue which I have collected out of this great City of all under that Character, I faw at the Name of Cynthia his Fit came upon him. I repeated the Name thrice after a mufing Manner, and immediately perceived his Pulfe quicken two Thirds; when his Eyes, instead of the Wildness with which they appeared at his Entrance, looked with all the Gentleness imaginable upon me, not without Tears. Oh, Sir, (faid he) you know not the unworthy Ufage I have met with from the Woman my Soul doats on. I could gaze at her to the End of my Being; yet when I have done so, for fome Time paft, I have found her Eyes fixed on a-nother. She is now two and twenty, in the full Tyran-ny of her Charms, which fhe once acknowledged the rejoyced in, only as they made her Choice of me, out of a Crowd of Admirers, the more obliging. But in the midst of this Happinefs, fo it is Mr. Bickerstaff, that young Quickfett, who is juft come to Town, without any other Recommendation than that of being tolerably handfome, and exceffively rich, has won her Heart in fo fhameless a Manner, that the dies for him. In a Word, I would confult you, how to cure my felf of this Paffion for an ungrateful Woman, who triumphs in her Falfhood, and can make no Man happy, because her own Satisfaction confifts chiefly in being capable of giving Diftrefs. I know Quickfett is at prefent confidera ble with her for no other Reafon but that he can be without her, and feel no Pain in the Lofs. Let me there-fore defire you, Sir, to fortify my Reafon against the Levity of an Inconftant, who ought only to be treated with Neglect. ALL this Time I was looking over my Receipts, and asked him, If he had any good Winter-Boots Boots,. Sir, faid may Patient-I went on; You may eafily reach Harwich in a Day, fo as to be there when the Packet goes off.. Sir, (faid the Lover) I find you defign me for Travelling; but alas! I have no Langu age, it will be the fame Thing to me as Solitude, to be in a strange Country. I have (continued he, fighing) been many Years in Love with this Creature, and have almoft loft even my English, at least to speak fuch as any Body elfe does. I asked a Tenant of ours, who came up to Town the other Day with Rent, Whether the flowry Meads near my Father's Houfe in the Country, had any Shepherd in it? I have called a Cave a Grotto, thefe three Years, and must keep ordinary Company, and frequent bufy People for fome Time, before I can recover my common Words. I fmiled at his Raillery upon himself, tho' I well faw it came from an heavy Heart. You are (faid I) acquainted to be fure with fome of the General Officers: Suppofe you made a Campaign? If I did, (faid he) I should venture more than any Man there, for I fhould be in Danger of star ving; my Father is fuch an untoward old Gentleman, that he would tell me he found it hard enough to pay his Taxes towards the War, without making it more expenfive by an Allowance to me. With all this, he is as fond as he is rugged, and I am his only Son. I look'd upon the young Gentleman with much Tenderness, and not like a Phyfician, but a Friend; for I talked to him fo largely, that if I had parcelled my Difcourfe into diftin& Prescriptions, I am confident I gave him two hundred Pounds worth of Advice. He heard me with great Attention, bowing, fmiling, and fhewing all other Inftances of that natural Good-Breeding which ingenuous Tempers pay to those who are elder and wifer than themselves. I entertained him to the following Purpose. I am forry, Sir, that your Paffion is of fo long a Date, for Evils are much more curable in their Beginnings; but at the fame Time must allow, that you are not to be blamed, fince your Youth and Merit has been abufed by one of the most charming, but the most unworthy Sort of Women, the Coquets. A Coquet is a chaft Jilt, and differs only from a common One, as a Soldier, who is perfect in Exercife, does from. from one that is actually in Service. This Grief, like all other, is to be cured only by Time; and although you are convinced this Moment, as much as you will be ten Years hence, that fhe ought to be fcorned and neglected, you fee you must not expect your Remedy from the Force of Reafon. The Cure then is only in Time, and the haftening of the Cure only in the Manner of employing that Time. You have anfwered me as to Travel and a Campaign, so that we have only Great Britain to avoid her in. Be then your felf, and liften to the following Rules, which only can be of Use to you in this unaccountable Diftemper, wherein the Patient is often averfe even to his Recovery. It has been of Benefit to fome to apply themselves to Busi nefs; but as that may not lie in your Way, go down to your Eftate, mind your Fox-Hounds, and venture the Life you are weary of, over every Hedge and Ditch in the Country. Thefe are wholfome Remedies; but if you can have Refolution enough, rather stay in Town, and recover your felf even in the Town where fhe inhabits. Take particular Care to avoid all Places where you may poffibly meet her, and shun the Sight of every Thing which may bring her to your Remembrance there is an Infection in all that relates to her: YouT find, her Houfe, her Chariot, her Domefticks, and her very Lap-Dog, are so many Inftruments of Torment. Tell me feriously, Do you think you could bear the Sight of her Fan? He fhook his Head at the Question, and faid, Ah! Mr. Bickerstaff, you must have been a Pati ent, or you could not have been fo good a Phyfician, To tell you truly, faid I, about the thirtieth Year of my Age, I received a Wound that has still left a Scar in my Mind, never to be quite worn out by Time or Philo. fophy. THE Means which I found the most effectual for my Cure, were Reflections upon the ill Usage I had recei ved from the Woman I loved, and the Pleafure I faw her take in my Sufferings. I confidered the Diftrefs fhe brought upon me, the greatest that could befal an human Creature, at the fame Time that she did not inflict this upon one who was her Enemy, one that had done her an Injury, one shar |