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Some one be ready with a costly fuit,
And ask him what apparel he will wear;
Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
And that his Lady mourns at his disease;
Perswade him, that he hath been lunatick.
And when he says he is, say, that he dreams;
For he is nothing but a mighty lord :
This do, and do it kindly, gentle Sirs:
It will be pastime passing excellent,
If it be husbanded with modesty.
Hun. My Lord, I warrant you, we'll play our

part,
As he shall think, by our true diligence,
He is no less than what we say he is.

Lord. Take him up gently, and to bed with him; And each one to his Office, when he wakes.

[Some bear out Sly. Sound Trumpets. Sirrah, go see what trumpet is that founds. Belike, fome noble gentleman that means, [Ex. Servant. Travelling some journey, to repose him here.

[blocks in formation]

Re-enter Servant.
How now? who is it?

Ser. An't please your Honour, Players
That offer service to your lordship.
Lord. Bid them come near :

Enter Players,
Now, Fellows, you are welcome.

Play. We thank your Honour,
Lord. Do you intend to stay with me to night?
2 Play. So please your Lordship to accept our duty.

Lord. With all my heart. This fellow I remember, Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son: 'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well:

I

а

I have forgot your name; but, fure, that part
Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform'd.

Sim. I think, 'twas Soto that your Honour means.

Lord. 'Tis very true; thou didft it excellent:
Well, you are come to me in happy time,
The rather for I have some sport in hand,
Wherein your cunning can aslift me much.
There is a Lord will hear you play to night;
But I am doubtful of your modesties,
Left, over-eying of his odd Behaviour,
(For yet his honour never heard a Play,)
You break into some merry Passion,
And so offend him: for I tell

you,

Sirs, If you should smile, he grows impatient.

Play. Fear not, my lord, we can contain ourselves; Were he the veriest antick in the world.

2 Play. [to the other.] Go get a Dishclout to make clean your Ihoes, and I'll speak for the properties.

[Exit Player, My lord, we must have a shoulder of mutton for a

a property, and ta little Vinegar to make our devil roar.

Lord. Go, firrah, take them to the buttery,
And give them friendly welcome, every one:
Let them want nothing that the house affords.

[Exit one with the Players. 4 a little Vinegar to make our devil roar.) When the acting the mysteries of the old and new Testament was in yogue ; at the representation of the mystery of the Passion, Judas and the Devil made a part.

And the Devil, whereever he came, was always to suffer fome disgrace, to make the people laugh: As here, the buffonery was to apply the gall and vinegar to make him roar. And the Passion being that, of all the mysteries, which was most frequently represented,

vinegar bceame at length the standing implement to torment the Devil: And used for this purpose even after the mysteries ceased, and the moralities came in vogue; where the Devil continued to have a considerable part.The mention of it here was to ridicule so absurd a circumstance in these old farces.

Sirrah,

Sirrah, go you to Bartholmew my page,
And see him drest in all suits like a lady.
That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber,
And call him Madam, do him all obeisance.
Tell him from me, (as he will win my love)
He bear himself with honourable action,
Such as he hath observ'd in noble ladies
Unto their Lords, by them accomplished;
Such duty to the drunkard let him do,
With soft low tongue, and lowly courtesie;
And say; what is't your Honour will command,
Wherein your lady, and your humble wife,
May shew her duty, and make known her love ?
And then with kind embracements, tempting kisses,
And with declining head into his bosom,
Bid him shed tears, as being over-joy'd
To see her noble lord restor'd to health,
Who for twice seven years hath esteem'd himself
No better than a poor and loathsome beggar:
And if the boy have not a woman's gift
To rain a shower of commanded tears,
An Onion will do well for such a shift;
Which in a Napkin being close convey'd,
Shall in despight enforce a wat’ry eye.
See this dispatch'd, with all the haste thou canst;
Anon I'll give thee more instructions. [Exit Servant,
I know the boy will well usurp the grace,
Voice, gate, and action of a gentlewoman.
I long to hear him call the drunkard, husband ;
And how my men will stay themselves from laughter,
When they do homage to this simple peasant;
l'll in to counsel them: haply, my presence
May well abate the over-merry spleen ;
Which otherwise will go into extreams. [Exit Lord.

SCENE

S CE N E

IV.

Changes to a Bedchamber in the Lord's House.

Enter Sly with Attendants, fome with apparel, bason and ewer,

and other appurtenances. Re-enter Lord. sk. FOR God's fake, a pot of small ale.

a 1 Serv. Will'c please your lordship drink a

Sl

cup of fack?

2 Serv. Will't please your Honour taste of these

Conserves ? 3 Serv. What raiment will your Honour wear to

day? Sly. I am Christopher Sly, call not me Honour, nor Jordship: I ne'er drank sack in my life: and if

you give me any Conserves, give me Conserves of beef: ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, sometimes, more feet than shoes; or such shoes as my toes look through the over-leather.

Lord. Heav'n cease this idle humour in your Honour! Oh, that a mighty man of such descent, Of such possessions, and so high efteem, Should be infused with fo foul a spirit!

Sly. What, would you make me mad? am not I Christophero Sly, old Sly's Son of Burton-beath, by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by transmutation a bearherd, and now by present profession a tinker? ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Win. cot, if she know me not; if she say, I am not fourteen pence on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the lying'st knave in Christendom. What, I am not bestraught : here's

I Man.

i Man. Oh, this it is that makes your lady mourn. 2 Man. Oh, this it is that makes your servants

droop. Lord. Hence comes it, that your kindred shun your

house, As beaten hence by your strange lunacy. Oh, noble Lord, bethink thee of thy birth, Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment, And banish hence these abject lowly dreams. Look, how thy servants do attend on thee; Each in his office ready at thy beck. Wilt thou have musick? hark, Apollo plays;[Musick. And twenty caged nightingales do sing. Or wilt thou neep? we'll have thee to a couch, Softer and sweeter than the luftful bed On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis. Say, thou wilt walk, we will bestrow the ground: Or wilt thou ride? thy horses shall be trapp'd, Their harness ftudded all with gold and pearl. Dost thou love hawking? thou hast hawks, will foar Above the morning lark. Or wilt thou hunt? Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them, And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth.

1 Man. Say, thou wilt course, thy greyhounds are

as swift

As breathed stags; ay, fleeter than the roe. 2 Man. Dost thou love pictures ? we will fetch thee

straight
Adonis, painted by a running brook;
And Citberea all in sedges hid ;
Which seem to move, and wanton with her breath,
Ev'n as the waving fedges play with wind.

Lord. We'll shew thee To, as she was a maid,
And how she was beguiled and surpris'd,
As lively painted as the deed was done.

3 Man. Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood, Scratching her legs, that one Thall swear she bleeds:

And

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