Some one be ready with a coftly fuit,
And ask him what apparel he will wear;
Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
And that his Lady mourns at his disease;
Perfwade him, that he hath been lunatick.
And when he fays he is,fay, that he dreams;
For he is nothing but a mighty lord:
This do, and do it kindly, gentle Sirs:
It will be paftime paffing excellent,
If it be husbanded with modefty.

1 Hun. My Lord, I warrant you, we'll play our part,

As he fhall think, by our true diligence,

He is no less than what we fay he is.

Lord. Take him up gently, and to bed with him; And each one to his Office, when he wakes.

[Some bear out Sly. Sound Trumpets.

Sirrah, go see what trumpet is that founds.

Belike, fome noble gentleman that means, [Ex. Servant. Travelling fome journey, to repofe him here.

How now? who is it?

Ser. An't please your Honour, Players That offer fervice to your lordship.

Lord. Bid them come near:

Enter Players,

Now, Fellows, you are welcome.

Play. We thank your Honour,

Lord. Do you intend to ftay with me to night? 2 Play. So please your Lordship to accept our duty. Lord. With all my heart. This fellow I remember, Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest fon : 'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman fo well:

I

I have forgot your name; but, fure, that part
Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform❜d.

Sim. I think, 'twas Soto that your Honour means.
Lord. 'Tis very true; thou didst it excellent:
Well, you are come to me in happy time,
The rather for I have some sport in hand,
Wherein your cunning can affist me much.
There is a Lord will hear you play to night;
But I am doubtful of your modefties,
Left, over-eying of his odd Behaviour,
(For yet his honour never heard a Play,)
You break into some merry Passion,
And fo offend him: for I tell you, Sirs,
If you should smile, he grows impatient.

Play. Fear not, my lord, we can contain ourselves; Were he the verieft antick in the world.

2 Play. [to the other.] Go get a Difhclout to make clean your hoes, and I'll speak for the properties. [Exit Player, My lord, we must have a shoulder of mutton for a property, and a little Vinegar to make our devil

roar.

Lord. Go, firrah, take them to the buttery, And give them friendly welcome, every one: Let them want nothing that the house affords.

[Exit one with the Players.

4 a little Vinegar to make our devil roar.] When the acting the myfteries of the old and new Testament was in vogue; at the representation of the mystery of the Paffion, Judas and the Devil made a part. And the Devil, whereever he came, was always to fuffer fome difgrace, to make the people laugh: As here, the buffonery was to apply the gall and vinegar to make him roar. And the Paffion being that, of all the myfteries, which was most frequently reprefented, vinegar bceame at length the standing implement to torment the Devil: And used for this purpose even after the myfteries ceafed, and the moralities came in vogue; where the Devil continued to have a confiderable part.The mention of it here was to ridicule so abfurd a circumstance in thefe old farces.

Sirrah,

Sirrah, go you to Bartholmew my page,
And fee him dreft in all suits like a lady.
That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber,
And call him Madam, do him all obeisance.
Tell him from me, (as he will win my love)
He bear himself with honourable action,
Such as he hath obferv'd in noble ladies
Unto their Lords, by them accomplished;
Such duty to the drunkard let him do,
With foft low tongue, and lowly courtefie;
And fay; what is't your Honour will command,
Wherein your lady, and your humble wife,
May fhew her duty, and make known her love?
And then with kind embracements, tempting kiffes,
And with declining head into his bofom,
Bid him fhed tears, as being over-joy'd
To fee her noble lord reftor'd to health,

Who for twice feven years hath esteem'd himself
No better than a poor and loathfome beggar:
And if the boy have not a woman's gift
To rain a fhower of commanded tears,
An Onion will do well for fuch a fhift;
Which in a Napkin being close convey❜d,
Shall in defpight enforce a wat'ry eye.

See this dispatch'd, with all the haste thou canst;
Anon I'll give thee more inftructions. [Exit Servant.
I know the boy will well ufurp the

grace, Voice, gate, and action of a gentlewoman.

I long to hear him call the drunkard, husband;
And how my men will stay themselves from laughter,
When they do homage to this fimple peasant;
I'll in to counfel them: haply, my presence
May well abate the over-merry fpleen;

Which otherwife will go into extreams. [Exit Lord.

SCENE

Changes to a Bedchamber in the Lord's House.

Enter Sly with Attendants, fome with apparel, bafon and other appurtenances. Re-enter Lord.

and ewer,

Sly. FOR God's fake, a pot of small ale.

1 Serv. Will't please your lordship drink a cup of fack?

2 Serv. Will't please your Honour taste of these Conferves?

3

Serv. What raiment will your Honour wear to day?

Sly. I am Chriftopher Sly, call not me Honour, nor lordship: I ne'er drank fack in my life: and if you give me any Conferves, give me Conferves of beef: ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more ftockings than legs, nor no more fhoes than feet; nay, fometimes, more feet than fhoes; or fuch fhoes as my toes look through the over-leather.

Lord. Heav'n cease this idle humour in your Honour! Oh, that a mighty man of such descent, Of fuch poffeffions, and fo high efteem, Should be infufed with fo foul a fpirit!

Sly. What, would you make me mad? am not I Christophero Sly, old Sly's Son of Burton-heath, by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by tranfmutation a bearherd, and now by present profeffion a tinker? ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if the know me not; if fhe fay, I am not fourteen pence on the fcore for fheer ale, fcore me up for the lying'st knave in Christendom. What, I am not beftraught: here's——————

1 Man.

1 Man. Oh, this it is that makes your lady mourn. 2 Man. Oh, this it is that makes your fervants droop.

Lord. Hence comes it, that your kindred fhun your house,

As beaten hence by your ftrange lunacy.

Oh, noble Lord, bethink thee of thy birth,
Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment,
And banish hence these abject lowly dreams.
Look, how thy fervants do attend on thee;
Each in his office ready at thy beck.

Wilt thou have mufick? hark, Apollo plays; [Mufick.
And twenty caged nightingales do fing.

Or wilt thou fleep? we'll have thee to a couch,
Softer and fweeter than the luftful bed

On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis.

Say, thou wilt walk, we will beftrow the ground:
Or wilt thou ride? thy horfes fhall be trapp'd,
Their harness ftudded all with gold and pearl.
Doft thou love hawking? thou haft hawks, will foar
Above the morning lark. Or wilt thou hunt?
Thy hounds fhall make the welkin answer them,
And fetch fhrill echoes from the hollow earth.

I Man. Say, thou wilt courfe, thy greyhounds are
as swift

As breathed flags; ay, fleeter than the roe.

2 Man. Doft thou love pictures? we will fetch thee ftraight

Adonis, painted by a running brook;

And Citberea all in fedges hid;

Which feem to move, and wanton with her breath,

Ev'n as the waving fedges play with wind.

Lord. We'll fhew thee Io, as fhe was a maid, And how she was beguiled and furpris'd,

As lively painted as the deed was done.

3 Man. Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood, Scratching her legs, that one fhall fwear fhe bleeds:

And